What to Do When You've Been Hurt

We have all been hurt at some point in time. But what comes next? Watch this video to see what to do to heal when you have been hurt.

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00:00 What to do when you’re hurt
02:00 Ask a time to talk
06:30 When you are emotional flooded
10:30 Self soothing

#healingfromtrauma #mendedlight #jonathandecker

[potapotapotapotapotapota]

being aware of your anger before you let it boil over is a great tip

[makeuploverjess]

I love this channel so much. And I love that you two are able to bring light and show that healthy co parenting/family dynamics do exist❤ specifically after divorce

[WhatsaModderU]

Waiting for the eclipse and this video was much needed. Thanks!

The supportive tone comes from assertiveness “I would like” is way more pleasant and far less rude than “I want to talk/we need to talk”.

[lovinavargas-carriedo]

I thought they were divorced? I think it's really cool that they made this video together. Esp since they've got kids together and this would be good for coparenting too

[faith]

Breath work actually triggers me i think it's too do with fight or flight. Because the times i needed to breathe deeply i was in danger.
I've been doing breath work for 5years now and I'm mostly able to be fine with it. Just being mindful when I'm triggered and remind myself I'm actually safe and God is loving and protecting me.
Just wanted to acknowledge this phenomenon in case someone else experiences it. We're not wrong or broken. We're just outgrowing a safety mechanism that is no longer needed. Look for the evidence if what is preferable in the world. That flower. The sunlight. That smile you recieved. That smile you gave.
Thanks guys

[mangantasy]

What do I do when I get hurt?
Honestly, take it. And be mad at myself for feeling hurt.
I really really was indoctrinated to take it. At some point, my mother (alcoholic, with mental issues as well, later diagnosed with BPD) told my sister and me "every time the two of you fight its feels like you are tearing a part of my heart away". I took this very seriously (generally feeling like my mother's wellbeing is my duty) wheras my sister laughed it of. Result: no more fights. Avoiding them by letting her win. Same for bullies in school. Just enduring
And emotions, especially negative ones were not allowed or safe. I really hardly ever get angry. Execept at myself.
I hardly have any self-esteem. And little social contacts. The closest ones are my sister and father, and both aren't easy. If I have a bold day and question my father's constant picking on me, I only get insulted more.
My mother was a handful, but she was still the closest person, the one who understand me best in certain aspects (mental health and ED mostly, because we both knew those). She died last november and I miss that I can't talk with her anymore. The good talks.

Sorry for the dark mood, but I'm genuinely being honest.
Thanks for you quality content.
Your advices sound helpful.
I am in therapy, but far away from being strong enough to stand up for myself. Still feeling that I am to blame for all I get.

[aleximorgan]

I don't go to therapy, I just wait until I cry and then watch these videos

[paximilian]

I definitely don't like the advance notice of a talk. It's all I can think about then and expecting the worst. =/

[VickyNinaFan]

you are comedic yet teaching at the same time! I love it! It helps your message to get through stubborness, hesitation....

[aleia]

Thank you for this video! Very helpful.
Without trying to push, if and when you guys are willing and prepared, I’d love to see a video about how to approach [the idea of] separation, especially if you share a family. Not necessarily your personal experience if that is too close to home, but even just generally - conversations, mindsets, boundaries, common roadblocks etc.

[skyfire]

Those subtle language changes and tone make all the positive difference from accusatory to open and collaborative <3 Would love to hear your insights on havening, poly vagal exercises and how to calm down anxiety in places and situations we cant get away from, not traumatic but certainly ones that trigger dysregulation. I'm sorry to hear about your divorce, also happy for you that you're choosing to and are able to remain close, hope all the best for you both

[kimmieb]

Love it all. Learning how to take a step back and figure out WHY I was reacting so strongly helped me the very most. I can now come up to my husband and say "I wasn't feeling seen earlier, and I snapped at you because I thought you were willfully misunderstanding me. I know who you are as a person, and that you wouldn't do that." And now I can take that extra step and, after feeling hurt or sad, remember that he's not trying to hurt me, and react accordingly. I can still tell him if something he says is hurtful, but I don't snap back or act responsively, because I know he doesn't have bad intentions. That helps resolve SO much conflict before it starts.

Another great one is the opposite. I'll say something thoughtless, and he feels comfortable enough to tell me immediately "hey, I didn't like the way you said that" and I can reword what I meant while apologizing for it.

[lamaya]

Can you cover Before Sunrise 1995? It has a great representation of emotional connection.

[dianaheilman]

Alicia's mic seems to be working better than Jono's. Not sure if that has anything to do with the fact that there's a little green light on Jono's mic. But it sound s like it's JUST Alicia's mic picking both of them up...which may be why Jono doesn't sound as loud as Alicia.

[ParkityParkPark]

Is there such a thing as getting calm too fast? I've gotten very effective with self-soothing to the point it's an almost instinctive response to getting upset, and I often feel like I'm calming myself down and putting my emotions to the side before I'm really getting the chance to feel and process them like I think they often deserve to be

[RainbowSunshineRain]

These tips and the course on conflict have helped my relationship a lot. Thank you ❤

[karla-annwhitaker]

Did you make this video after you decided to divorce? It is inconceivable to me, but a couple can still get along as well even after choosing to end marriage.

[yopomdpin]

Unrelated question but I hope jonathan will see it and maybe answer....

I see a LOT of people talking about how "feelings are always valid" and it looks like their definition of "valid" is clearly not the same as the usual definition.

So my question would be : what exactly does it means to say that a feeling is "valid" ? What makes a feeling valid and why can't a feeling be invalid ?

Thanks !

[astricatt]

Hi…I’m Holo, (Ho-lo) I’m struggling with my emotions and ever since I was little, I’ve recognized that I’ve been acting like a wolf more and more often..even today, I still believe that I am meant to be a wolf…that my body is wrong…what can I do, to help live with this?