Ned, Regression & The Mask Behind The Mask (autism)

A video about diagnosis, functioning labels, autism "regression" and a level of masking we rarely talk about.
#EngageAutism #AutismAcceptance #ActuallyAutistic

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[mike-williams]

It's amazing that this particular video of yours pops into my home feed just as I think I'm having significant executive problem issues for the first time in years. Your reference to the second mask of hiding autism from yourself is also particularly acute. I think it's taken about twenty years for it to be lowered enough to recognise the autist busy cataloging and classifying the bricks of their internal walls.

[autiejedi]

Regression and burnout is real, and is so frustrating! I feel for "Ned" as this mindset will only hinder their growth and it will be a shock when their coping mechanisms fail. Sad situation.

[buttercxpdraws]

I feel sorry for Ned. He is at the beginning of a journey, it is possible he will grow. I imagine Ned was a ‘gifted child’ as some of us were. This expectation of over achievement, and the bitter sadness when you don’t reach the ‘potential’ you thought you had brings out a whole other set of issues. Gifted children who go on to become late diagnosed autistic adults often struggle to accept themselves as autistic in my experience.

[OpalDrake]

Once again you've put words to a concept I hadn't realised could have them. When I was diagnosed it was in the midst of a maelstrom in my life, and for my own sake I let both masks slip without realising it. The people I was living with at the time, while self-proclaimed familiar with autistic people and their experiences, had clearly never seen behind that second mask - and neither had I. It's a self I want to learn to work with and embrace. Now I have one more way of communicating with and about it.

[kkkk-uhcu]

Ned seems to be barely coping with the diagnosis by holding onto their specialness. What they need isn't a rude awakening, but a skilled psychologist helping them with their deep shame. The more you try to shame Neds, the more they'll retreat. Don't do it

[holmavik]

High functioning or not High functioning… Sure, my autism becomes all too obvious sometimes, but I have seen many a professor colleagues of mine collapse into child-like behaviour when things don’t go their way. It seems to me that it is all about When and How one collapses, and not about long run functionality.

[endlessrage]

Man, I feel for you and so can relate. Listening to you talk is like listening to my own internal dialogue.
I lost my old man 21/2 years ago and been off work (for the first time in my 50years) for the last two. The depression, desperation, confusion, complete lack of emotional stability and the lifelong internal feeling I was broken in some way…. searching for answers to why I was divorced after 2 years, lived alone ever since and cannot maintain any relationship whatsoever. After going through two councillors, 3 different antidepressant meds and numerous health issues, finally, three weeks ago, my new councillor, who had only seen me for two sessions, gave me a book by Alis Rowe and just asked me to look at it.
Wow. Just wow. It was like waves of recognition pouring over me…. I asked him “what is this?? This is me! I need to know what this is!” Incidentally he recommended your channel to me.
My GP has kindly referred me for testing and I’ve had the form for over a week. My anxiety for filling it out incorrectly or making a mess is driving me up the wall but I’m sure I’ll get round to it soon.
Now I completely have lost all confidence in my own judgment. Have no idea what my reference point is for being ‘plumb” so have no idea how off it actually is. Searching for help has proved completely useless. Depression and men’s self help clubs are a plenty, but ASD is not catered for at all.
Sorry to drivel on like this.

[whynaut]

Thank you for the color change when you switched characters. It was rather helpful

[E.Hunter.Esquire]

Ned sounds like a textbook description of someone struggling with NPD.

[dyctiostelium]

I am very sorry to have found this video just now, six months from the day you recorded it. I genuinely hope you are feeling better, finding ways to be less sad and scared. Hard times can be brutal. You are such a good human, Quinn. You do a lot of good.

[MrBlobbysLover]

Thank you for this. You put into words the struggle I had last year - my Nan passed away after about a year of terminal illness and at the end of her life, about 6 weeks in hospice so it wasn’t unexpected. I hadn’t even considered that it was truly unmasked autism.
I found your channel today and it’s amazing, especially as I was only diagnosed a couple of years ago. Realising that so many things in my life weren’t just me being at my core inept or deficient is strange, it’s like trying to unlearn ideas about myself that I battered into myself. So thank you for your videos, they are incredibly helpful, and I hope you’re doing ok :~)

[josephmartin]

I’m 65. Can’t convince any “professional community “ that a diagnosis might just help, and certainly can’t afford to pay for it. I’ve known my likely diagnosis and how much even the criteria match since fourth grade - could have self diagnosed then, I list a wife tragically, a father, a 30 year career I had because a kind man took me in… my mum 3 months back… had a heart attack. I did begging declining by 60, have melted down, burned out, am beginning to recover, NEVER have been as “high functioning as you seem on camera anyway - can’t speak well except in infrequent spurts (thank God for those). And so on, But? Thank you. This “hits hard” in the best ways… if I could understand my feelings. I follow sone helpful autists who are very, very helpful, Tonight - 12:43 AM - this is the best and most comforting thing I’ve heard in all these years trying to understand and cope/prosper. If your pain has helped only one, it has helped me. Carry on!

[NicnacNet]

Thanks for sharing Quinn. I fear how poorly I'll cope when I lose my parents. So much so that this video had me in tears. I can understand why you are experiencing regression. Thank you for producing this video in the midst of these experience. I can't overstate the value of your videos. I hope you feel better soon and continue to take care of you

[gingerhansen]

I'm so sorry for your loss. 🥺

I think it was regression after a traumatic illness that alerted me to my proper place on the spectrum.

[thekajalflaneur]

Thankyou for this, i had such intense stress and grief in 2018 which nearly destroyed me, stripped me to my raw self. I couldnt hide or do anything. It was something beyond a burnout. I hope you are going okay now and healing along nicely. I still find it hard even after all these years. Thankyou for making this. Sending you a beam of light ❤

[gregjs]

That was so real and so true and so helpful. Thank you. You’re right—at any moment, life can overwhelm whatever ability we’ve developed to hold up a “normal-functional” mask. Those moments are guaranteed to come. So thanks for helping to make that inevitable experience a bit more ok for the rest of us by sharing your experience of it so candidly and honestly. That’s a real gift.

[hank_]

Every video has such thoughtful subjects - ones that I don't see others even handling - and how you approach and discuss them makes me wish ALL my classes and course work would have been like this. I just feel like a better person, like precious nuggets of truth. <3 ty

[susanbeever]

So beautifully articulated and shared. Thank you.

[Mantras-and-Mystics]

Initially I just wanted to give "Ned" a good kick in the butt.
But as you progressed further I realised how futile it is to give ourselves labels, such as "high functioning" - which I totally admit doing myself.

This has helped me immensely, as I've somehow managed to ignore my regressions - which honestly happen extremely frequently.
I think my "cognitive demands" threshold must be rather low actually. 😁

This vid actually awakened my mind to my "other reality" - the "unacceptable" one that I've ignored for so long.

Lesson learned here: include the Whole of myself - not just the part I deem socially acceptable.

Also thank you for all your wisdom and insight! I only just subscribed today, but you're changing my life one video at a time.

[ByrdieFae]

Welcome back, Quinn. I'm glad you're feeling a bit better.