Battling Executive Function Challenges: Home Edition

We have executive function challenges whether we are at work and school, or at home. So, how do we overcome those issues in our supposed "down time"?

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[Card_Crazed]

Being in "enforced retirement" due to severe ADHD and other mental illnesses, I can relate to this. I still struggle with making that phone call to a friend, just to see how she is doing. My catastrophization has me thinking that I'm interrupting their lives, when the truth is I don't know. My circle of friends is small, some of it by choice, but my ADHD makes it hard for me to bond closely to anyone outside of my family.

[ariconsul]

Literally 2 hours ago I was telling someone how hard it is for me to practice "communication hygiene" - keeping in contact with people that I want to keep in my life. Interested to hear how you handle this kind of thing.

[samanthawycoff]

I really needed this. It hit me like a ton of bricks a few weeks ago that my life is work, D&D, and sleep. That's it. I get so stuck in the mindset that I can only do stuff for fun once my apartment is completely clean and all my chores are done that I end up never leaving the apartment unless I'm doing a group activity like D&D. I'm just now starting to work on pushing past that.

[MistyMoorsHomestead]

My Dr. was baffled when I stated that I wanted the meds for home MORE than for at work. I can fake it at work. There are external factors that keep me on track. BUT, It turns out I also want to cook a real meal and clean my house. Do things that make me happy and healthy so I have the energy for work.

[Mr.Cuch]

As a 34 old Dad with ADHD I 100% vouch for using meds outside of work! If anything my family life is more hectic with 9 year twin boys running around and it helps me be a better dad.
If youre trying to parent while overstimulated you're not going to do a good job.

I also started planning my week using the following method:
1 evening of pure me time
3 evenings with the SO
2 evenings for workouts
1 for social stuff (have a list of people i want to see and work my way down)

It helps... you do howerer need to start planning😅

[Mad_Alyss]

I read a statement somewhere that said, “Rest is not a reward, it’s a necessity.” That was so impactful for me. I feel like fun, hobbies, and social interaction fit into that as well. We need prioritize the non-productivity related aspects of our lives too. Thank you for the reminder that work-life balance doesn’t look the same for ADHD brains, and there is nothing wrong with that.

[mariecarie]

Holy cow, I relate with this so so much. I quit my job last year due to burn out, and have been battling the shame of doing so ever since. I had to work so hard to get good at my job, and thus feel like I am, at least partially, fitting in with society and contributing. I have the luxury of staying at home, while my husband works, and I’ve been trying to learn how to be OK with just existing without having to prove to myself that I only have worth when meeting society’s expectations. Many of society’s expectations are worth meeting, sure, but for me it’s come at a really high cost.

[ijamie]

About the meds - my boyfriend has asthma and takes medication for it. I told him when I started taking my ADHD medication, that I don't really need them at home, just at work. He then told me ''oh, okay, I will also stop taking my ashtma medication at home, I'm sure it'll be fine, I don't need them.''. And then I panicked and said ''wait, no, you can't do that, you need medication otherwise your ashtma... Oh... Right.... I see what you're saying, haha. Okay, I'll take my medication when I'm at home too.'' He then rolled his eyes haha.

[randoria]

I’m crying. It’s so good and helpful to know that I’m not alone in being successful in what society prioritizes while struggling so hard at home. I mask and hide while I’m working yet I don’t have friends outside of my amazing family. My hobbies are different every week and it’s hard to feel accomplished away from work. That is especially true during the summer as I’m a teacher and feel so lost during summer break. Thank you for this video. For letting me know I’m not alone, that it’s ok, and that improvements can be made. ❤

[tainoaquarian]

“I was struggling honestly EVEN HARDER…” in our social personal area— thank you. Still struggling hard to figure this out. I am experiencing heavy panic over the idea of not accomplishing anything I’d planned over summer break prior to returning to the school year (I am an Art’s educator).
This has spiked with more recent traumas which set me back unimaginably from my self-care needs & growth/ goals.

[dragonjames]

Having fun and socializing is just as important as work. I hope everyone has a good day.

[mommybreakdown]

What a beautiful message to send to children as well. As an educator a mom, thank you!

[CyanidePatch]

I'm currently unemployed and full time house husbanding. My wife (also undiagnosed) makes enough in her business that she is able to support the house and has encouraged me to take this time to rest and "do what I've always wanted to do".

Which has been surprisingly difficult and indeed does take a lot of executive function to not only do things enjoyable, but also combat the constant guilt placed on us all by society. I'm cooking, cleaning, taking care of the dogs, I'm doing small repairs, etc. But I'm not "functional member of society"-ing.

Executive function coping mechanisms and strategies for work are often completely under-utilized in "non-work" stuff and making that switch isn't the easiest thing.

I've started a youtube project that has been so fun to work on and plan, but again I've hit that wall of execution and pressing record on the script I have.

Thanks for putting out this video. It's great also seeing that we're not alone (wife and I) with the things we deal with, and also to see others that have similar support structures and love languages.

[jenniferrusert]

Oh, Jessica - this is awesome! My sister always told me that I was ‘book smart and life dumb’ because I missed a lot of social cues that neuro-typical brains catch. I really need help in this area. Especially since there was no such thing as ADHD when I was growing up and I wasn’t diagnosed until my 40s. Understanding executive functions and many of the other concepts that you discuss would’ve helped me IMMENSELY! God bless you for what you do!! ❤❤❤

[vindicated.]

Yeah the message I got growing up was "you can't go play until your homework and chores are done." Hence why my social circle was small. Turn down invitations often enough, they tend to stop coming. 😢

[themysteriousfox]

this is actually super important for me because ive caught myself doing the same thing in regards to only using my ADHD coping skills for work/school and letting my other hobbies suffer, and as a result I have no outlets that feel as good as getting work done and has resulted in burnout. This has given me a lot to think about!

[stellaluna]

Biggest barrier for me is thinking I don't deserve to enjoy anything if I'm struggling at work (formerly school). So I pour everything into work, and guess what? In general, work doesn't care about you back

[jamesbrown]

I’m 63 years old, and I’m finally learning that there is no such thing as the work being done. If you don’t take time away and take care of the things that bring you joy and rejuvenate your soul, you end up tired and burned out, sick and depressed. Then you find no satisfaction or joy in your work, which drags you further down. So yes, it’s vital to do those things outside of work that lift you up. Now I need to take my own advice…

[rheaceebelle]

I'm 65 and just had the epiphany that I have ADHD! I have all the aspects! Unfinished projects, neglected house, I thought I was broken and just a mess. I hyperfocus on things or cleaning one item in a room till it shines, but the rest of the room isn't. I seem super-unmotivated, but I think I overwhelm myself by trying to motivate myself in too many directions.

[BachBeethovenBerg]

I feel like what you're saying is similar to a person who was in a very tight financial situation and couldn't spend money on anything extra, and then they end up finding themselves in a better financial position, like a new job that pays better, or they get out of debt, but they still have trouble spending on fun stuff even when they can afford it because of so many years of living so tight. I've heard Dave Ramsey tell callers like this that they need to go on a cruise 😂. Our ADHD brains have very low gas mileage so we operate on a very tight mental budget, and especially when were young and in school.