How You Can Manage Your Executive Dysfunction · ADHD/ Autism · The Sandwich Technique

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ADHD-friendly Weekly Planner · Helps with Executive Dysfunction

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[serenediipity]

feeling guilty while unwinding after an "unproductive" day is soo real

[kaseywalker]

Am I the only one that can do things for others (shop, make apts ect) but it's such a fight to do it for myself?

[jenniferthompson]

I learned a trick a while back (that I had kind of always known but didn't realize) to wear shoes when I have things to do around the house. No shoes feels like I have nothing to do. Feels like relaxing. Shoes feels like doing tasks. Maybe that's somewhat helpful?

[YumolJ]

This is exactly what I needed. I have been spiralling into depression with constant comparison between who I was during high-school (the gifted girl) to who I am now, knowing that I can and SHOULD be able to do better. This video is a step towards self-acceptance, thank you.

[stephenmartin]

I think you may be the first person who has articulated my experience with Executive Dysfunction. It has taken a great deal of anxiety to even perform my stressful job reasonable well. One of the problems is that when the overwhelm goes on for years, or in my case, decades, you can eventually get blown out and steamrolled, and the anxiety gives way to an exhausted, dangerous apathy. I'm renewing my efforts to search for ways to manage my Executive Dysfunction, even though I'm exhausted.

[Kendorable]

My executive dysfunction is so bad that I sat down and started designing a game to help me manage it, and I went ahead and started developing it as a full blown game where you set goals and unlock more story and funny characters as you accomplish things IRL. It's called Rival Goals and I hope it can be as helpful for others as it will be for me! Those mobile apps for game-ifying life are just never enough for me so I'm making something way more enticing.

[saggguy]

Thank you for talking about the ways that high-strung people with ADHD use anxiety to motivate ourselves. When I was younger, I looked like a model student - because I was driven to succeed by the crushing terror I felt about the thought of not living up to expectations. From the outside, my life looked so together, but I have never been more miserable.

It's a great reminder of why looking neurotypical should not be a measure of a neurodivergent person's success or "functioning", because the times when I've looked the most neurotypical have been the times when I've suffered the most profoundly. I have never hated life more than when I was a straight-A student. I'll gladly take my low-stress life with a mediocre job and mediocre grades, thanks.

[BBWahoo]

4:12
My therapist said that's called a cognitive distortion, and you're very much right, a belief can severly limit how much you can actually do by how you see yourself.

[jessicab]

I haven't been able to maintain anything- I used to have 5 different planners for all areas of my life. I used to be able to maintain school, a job, have a clean home (never got the thriving relationships part) but I can't do it anymore. I've tried to go back to having my life together but it leads to burnout and meltdowns. When I try to tell my therapist about this, she always says "Does this mean you're not going to try then?" and no- I'm not saying that! I'm saying I struggle to maintain all areas of life I'm expected to, and actually need maintained so I function well. When I was extremely anxious I used to have everything together, never skipped a clean my home day, laundry or budget planning. In fact, everyone used to ask me how I manage! I'm trying to get work, and start studying again but I can't maintain my home then simultaneously I dislike a messy home. But I don't know how to manage it all. The only time I remember to wash my dishes or clean up after myself is when I'm forced to go to bed cause I can't keep my eyes open.

I don't function well, and no one see's how much I struggle with things I'm expected to do. I force myself to clean and then the next day I'm fucking crying and depressed. I live life in this shit cycle, and I want ways to manage without it being that I'm forced to do it all. I want to learn coding but I'm afraid my brain is going to fail me, and I won't focus. I'm going to try this method and see how it goes.

[MrBebopChamploo]

One issue I always seem to run into with organizational systems is the planning out a week in advance. I can make the plan, but inevitably my day-to-day emotional/brain experience conflicts with it in that I may have one day designated for productive tasks but my brain is fully fogged, or a day meant for chilling and my brain wants to do all the productive tasks. Obviously, one might say "just be flexible and allow yourself to swap days around on the fly" or something - I have OCD too though which makes it difficult to allow myself to do that. And it's also difficult to even notice in the moment that I might need to swap. But even without that, if I am flexible then how do I not become *too* flexible? I feel like I'd start with small changes that grow and grow until eventually I'm not doing anything I need to do anymore.

[InuMokuba]

When you said we tend to get all our things done at once, I had a sudden realization. This may also be a reason as to why even after getting things done we still feel like nothing is done. Yes it's also cause we see all the things to do, but because we are used to plowing through all our to dos when we DO have the energy, if we still have things to do it feels like a failure. Then add how we worry about not having energy later, it's like realizing "Oh I failed to finish, so now all of these things will still need to be done and I won't have the energy to do them."

[TeaLaRee]

This is so true. I had narcissistic parents and they didn't help me at all as a child or as a young adult. I'm now a mother of a child with autism and I can't tell you how hard all of it is. Balancing my son's needs, my own and my spouse's. I feel like this last decade, my life has fallen apart and unmanageable....

[bigbadleche]

I did 3 years of trauma therapy before finding out my parents hid from me that I was born with ADHD. When I found out about it, I realized after how well-adjusted I was; I had many coping strategies, understood boundary setting, practiced self-compassion (to an extent, bullying myself was how I managed to do normal tasks), created lists, and was very comfortable with being vulnerable and socializing. Once I discovered ADHD and began to centre my needs around myself, everything actually got much harder because I stopped bullying myself to do basic things 😭😭😭😭😭😭 my memory is worse, I'm spelling more things incorrectly, and now object permanence is stronger than its ever been!!! I have been laid off for over a year, healed a lot from not having to mask, and am about to start a new full-time remote job soon (v grateful they value mental wellbeing and neurodiversity). Currently in the stage of figuring out strategies to create work-life separation and get a gist of what trade-offs I'd have to make to show up at my job. Excited and scared at the same time

[isotope]

I've been in the Self Help community for YEARS. They are always saying, go out into nature or do something you enjoy (mine is/was playing guitar & singing) or go be with friends (what friends?! Lol) they always claim that you will feel better!

I NEVER did. I noticed it took SO much precious energy to do what they suggested for NO results! So I realized, why bother. I'd rather conserve my energy.

Now I understand why.

[princesscheeni]

Finally…not only a video that describes the executive dysfunction experience so perfectly but also a video that provides tips that have so far ACTUALLY been working as i try to implement them😭 my last two weeks haven’t been perfect but i am really experiencing a change using the sandwich methods

[isabellarodriguez]

Ahhh yes! I realized a big part of my depression in high school was not being able to get my work done. It made me dread waking up everyday and living cuz I had to face the consequences of not doing my work.

[rebeccagilstrap]

I am 53 years old and I can’t tell you how long it’s been since I’ve had hope, dreams or anything to look forward to at all. I have PTSD from childhood abuse which carried over into adulthood. I didn’t know executive dysfunction even exists. My ADHD is off the charts. I haven’t worked a regular job since 2010, the year I got sober. Because unless I was high I couldn’t do everything I needed to do. When I looked like I was thriving it was because I was self medicating to be able to function in society. Now that I know I’m not the most worthless person in the world it has changed my whole mindset. Now I know why I couldn’t figure out what to do. Now I know why I would stay in bed for months because I beat myself up any time I was awake. Thank you so much for this video. This makes me feel understood for the first time in my life. ❤

[kestaa]

I understand the sandwich days, i just can't figure out how to fit any potato days into my week without things getting out of control. Maybe it's easier for people who freelance or have a lot of flexibility in their schedule, but that's not me.

Monday through Friday are all work days. I get up between 5:45 and 6:00, depending on whether or not I hit snooze, start the coffee, use the bathroom and change into my yoga clothes, take my pills with a yogurt cup, pour the coffee, do 20 minutes of yoga, drink the coffee, pack my lunch bag, and put that and my backpack by the door. This takes about an hour. Then take a shower, get dressed, do my hair and makeup, and brush my teeth - which takes about half an hour.

I leave for work at 7:30 in the morning and get home 10 hours later. I have about half an hour to chill before I start making dinner. (I wish cooking was something that i enjoyed, but it's not. I've found ways to make it quicker, and less work, but it's always a chore.) Then I eat with my partner (who gets home around 7), and he washes up while I unwind for a bit.

At 8:30 I start my bedtime routine, which involves getting everything ready that I need for the next day - clothes set out, bag packed, lunch prepared and in containers in the fridge (lunch bag on the counter so I don't forget about it), coffee prepped (so I just have to press a button in the morning), pills set out, etc. It also involves things like filling the humidifier water tank and making sure the floor is clear so our robot vacuum won't get stuck anywhere. And, of course, getting into my PJs, washing my face, and brushing my teeth. On a good day, I'm in bed early enough to read for a little bit before I fall asleep. I don't have energy on weekdays to do at-home chores, though I will sometimes do a bit of grocery shopping on the way home from work (which means I have to start making dinner right away).

Saturday and Sunday are the only days we have to clean our home, run the bulk of our errands, and hang out with friends and family. I sometimes try to squeeze all of this into a single day so I can have one totally lazy, no obligations day. But it always ends up being a mistake because I completely exhaust myself on the do-everything day and then mentally beat myself up for taking the day off - or I don't do everything in that one day and then get totally overwhelmed when I have double the stuff to deal with the next weekend.

I can't even figure out how to work in one "potato day" a week, let alone two!

[heyfella]

Having ADHD and trying to organize your day is like trying to overcome your anxiety via exposure therapy. It works most of the time, but it needs to be consistent and god damn it is hard.

[adrianopper]

This really opened my eyes. I used to be the high strung person and everything HAD to be perfect or I was a failure. I was this way for most of my life. Living in that much anxiety and stress has wrecked my body. I am now learning to find balance and giving myself the space to rest. I'm learning perfect is an illusion. I wobble between that sudden burst to do things and no motivation because I feel the brick wall in front of me for the tasks I need to do.

Thanks for this video!