Pros and Cons of being your Authentic Autistic Self

Do people tell you to 'just be yourself'? Maybe you've realised simply being your authentic self isn't the best piece of advice. For some of us, being our true selves doesn't always seem to pan out in many situations.

Being true to ourselves doesn't guarantee social "success". This is why a lot of us resort to "masking" or camouflaging to be socially acceptable. In this video, I share a different strategy to have that success without having to change yourself or mould to fit in to society around us.

TIMESTAMPS:
00:00 - Introduction
00:12 - Today's Video
00:22 - "Be Yourself" as a piece of advice upon growing up
01:53 - A strategy to be accepted for being who I am
03:40 - Find a socially appropriate version of your true self
06:00 - Compartmentalization
09:18 - Bringing my authentic self as the only way to build a genuine connection
10:10 - Risking rejection as the only way to gain an acceptance

CHANNEL LINKS:
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// WELCOME TO ASPERGERS FROM THE INSIDE!!

My name is Paul and I discovered I have Aspergers at age 30.

Yes, I know, I don't look autistic. That's exactly why I started this blog, because if I didn't show you, you would never know.

As the name suggests, this channel is devoted to giving you insight into the world of Aspergers.
This blog started off being just my story, but I've learned SO MUCH about my own condition
from meeting others on the Autism Spectrum that now I make sure to feature their stories as well.

I've come a long way in my own personal journey.
Now I'm sharing what I've found so you don't have to learn it the hard way too.

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// WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THIS BLOG

You can expect me to get to the point with concise useful information.
I focus on what is most important and don't shy away from difficult topics.

The best way to learn about Autism is to see it in real life ( i.e. via the stories of many, many people on the spectrum).

In this channel I endeavour to show you what Autism and Aspergers look like in real people and to also give you some insight as to what's happening on the inside.
I upload a new video every weekend with some bonus content thrown in mid-week too.
There's always new stuff coming through so be sure to check back and see what you've missed. (Is this where I'm supposed to tell you to hit that subscribe button?)

Topics Include:
- What is Aspergers/Autism?
- Aspie Tips, coping strategies, and advice on common issues
- Learning Emotional Intelligence (this is my special interest!)
- Autism in real life: stories from special guests

Everything I do is and endeavour to go deeper and take you 'behind the scenes' to understand what may, at first glance, seem 'odd'.
oh, and I love busting stereotypes and turning preconceptions upsidedown :)

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// ABOUT ME

I discovered I have aspergers at the age of thirty.
It has been my life's mission to understand these funny creatures we call humans.
My special interest is a combination of emotional intelligence, psychology, neuroscience, thinking styles, behaviour, and motivation. (I.e. what makes people tick)
My background is in engineering and I see the world in systems to be analysed.
My passion is for taking the incredibly complex, deciphering the pattern, and explaining it very simply.
My philosophy is that blogging is an adventure best shared.

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// EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE TRAINING

I also run autism friendly online emotional intelligence training. So if you like my direct, systematic style, and would like to improve your own emotional intelligence skills, check it out here:

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// CONTACT

Blogging is an adventure best shared which means I'd love to hear from you!
Feel free to leave me a comment or send me and email at any time and I'll do my best to respond promptly.

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy this channel!
I look forward to hearing from you!

Peace,

~Paul

[ainovortex]

When you are masking so much over the years, that you basically forget who you are...

[crunch]

I've learned when to reveal my autism and when not to. A friendly, polite "I'm sorry, I'm autistic and struggle with things like this". followed by something appropriate related to the situation. e.g " could you clarify X", or ""If you'll excuse me I'll just step out of this for a moment." etc. I find most people are very understanding and willing to accommodate me in these situations.

[SueLyons]

' find a socially appropriate version of myself...it's like a tiny little slice... it can be authentic, even if it is not the whole story'

[ojosabiertos]

A very important thing to add: part of accepting who we are is knowing what kind of social activities we like, and not trying to force going to huge parties full of people if we don't really like, for example. Respect our preferences and maybe sometimes get ourselves out of the comfort zone if we're in the mood. There's a social stigma that says a successful person is the one that has lots of friends and goes to parties every weekend. If that's not who we are, let's get rid of that

[FaethorFerenzcy]

My whole live i tried to reach something i could call normal. Now i am nearly a month after my diagnose of autism (i'm in my late thirties), mentally in a hole since i have to define "normal" for myself. Knowing that usual methods probably won't work for me since i have to mask up.
Funny enough i started the whole psychological health "journey" a year ago cause i tought i have to tear down all those fassades since i wasn't sure who i was under the masks.
Well anyway, thanks for reading stranger, it was somewhat a short term relief to write this down here for everyone to read.

[Dezzyyx]

I have to say this is about the only thing that acts as a support in this Autistic quest. I got my diagnosis in 2015 but didn't really start to identify and find myself in it until this year, which was because of these videos.

Even though I don't participate in anything more beyond these videos it's funny because I still feel like I'm part of a community between these videos and the comments. I think it's knowing someone is speaking for us, teaching the world, and that many people here are on the same mission of finding a place for their Autistic selves.

[ginaoviedo]

I want to tell you, finding your channel saved my life. I was in a suicidal phase and finding you who explained your brain in the exact way I do, and that you have solutions to problems I have made me so excited about life again. I always feel so alone and like no one understands, but listening to you has changed everything. Thank you so much for making these videos, for sharing with the world. I am a librarian at a college, and I presented a session on covid changes and how they affected me because of my Asperger's, and I put your channel on it so more people can find the amazing advice and hope that you bring to the world. Thank you so much, you literally changed my life. I hope to talk to you live one day, you are an incredibly amazing human being.

[meganmj]

It's hard to know who you can be yourself around. I've been called weird and creepy by so many people. My feelings are easily hurt and this is my biggest struggle connecting with others. I don't understand when someone is saying it as a "joke" or being mean about it. I feel like I shouldn't say certain things and especially not show my stims. There are people I work with I can be authentic with them, but as soon as another coworker comes into the room I'm back my "normal work self."

[jadenthomas]

I love this guys content its so informative and extremely helpful, and i know its coming from a great place in mind

[motoboy]

To ”be yourself” is the hardest thing when you always are in a mind-storm about who you are and how you are like (ADD)

[wolframstahl]

Compartmentalization, I do need to think about that for a while. I do this pretty exessively in some contexts.
I literally have different names in different social groups.

[Wizardess]

"... nothing much to do with me." That is what ended my relationships with my birth family and my ex 40 years ago. I simply could not be the person they demanded I be; and, they could abide, and were terminally embarrassed by, the me I could no longer hide from them. It just kept bubbling over the carefully constructed barricades I'd built. (Treatment for people with even mild Autism in the 1950s was - - - utterly terrifying. It even scares me now to think if what I escaped playin g a role I never wanted. My family could have afforded "the absolute best of treatment." That's not a nice way to die at least a "personality death but the husk lives on."

That is when I learned I can thrive by myself.

About a decade later I found my life partner who is remarkably like me. We are together alone most of the time, "joined at the hip."

{o.o}

[trinnyj]

Had a light bulb moment at "compartmentalisation" am facing such a situation tomorrow and my anxiety is building rapidly. I don't know how to merge the two selves. I'm 62 and was diagnosed this year, so a lifetime of masking and countless other destructive strategies is challenging to manage. Getting there slowly, though. Thanks so much Paul, beautifully presented and extremely timely.

[stephen]

Good video. Yeah, that's what I've missed. Multiple connection points. I thought simply showing up to one thing consistently would yield friendship, but we need multiple things in common. I'm going to start revealing more layers to my friends and see if they reject me, and if so, I'll know I need to look elsewhere.

[Judymontel]

You know, Paul, your insight and compassion are helpful to all people, not just those with autism. Thank you for having both wisdom and heart. I loved this video and learned a lot from it while feeling respected and encouraged all the while.

[danielmiyahara]

Everyone still left me and I entirely shut now socially now, even leaving my home to my job (overnights so little interactions) is still very stressful that I'm usually on the verge of a meltdown if too much happens. At work I'm crying cuz I'll be stuck in my head in a spiral that everyone left me and how no one cares. I got so much going on around me, so much has happened and the people who always said they loved me and will always be there but the moment I actually showed sign of my autism after they said they would accept me for who I am and to trust them, they just left so everyday I live in daydreams and I can't even focus on anything around me without dissociation.. It's been months like this and I'm really just wanting to end it so badly but too cowardice to do anything..

[stuartrushworth]

I have always had trouble perceiving others' intentions. For instance when a little old lady is approaching carrying an umbrella I cannot entirely dismiss the possibility that she might beat me to death with it. What I am saying is that there is a blankness in what I think people want and what people might do and that blankness has always been there. This anxiety about what others are doing is these days a lot better than it was. My authentic self comes out more freely these days because I have stopped inventing what I think people are intending to do and instead I have reconciled myself to the fact that I have, even after all these years, very little information to go on.

[gwynethvdoherty]

He makes alot if sense to me...a new lifeline ..great to know I'm not the only one that finds it difficult to live in a world not designed for ppl on the Autistic Spectrum☘️☺️👋🏻

[lesliea.]

I am told that a lot, but whenever I am "myself" it backfires and I am left hurt or annoyed. People say that until you do it. Double speak from people, but I am only "myself" around people I know can understand me.

[jeniferbudzinski]

Step one: educate yourself on all things emotional intelligence and unconditional love. Step two: apply various practices learned to your life in a trial and error experimental way until you find things that jive with you and resonate on a deep level. (Self-discovery journey) Step three: apply what resonates to your life while emotionally processing your way through all your trauma, et sl until you truly love and appreciate your authentic self and want to be this person all the time. Step four: revisit your earlier education considering other people and seeing them clearly: who is loving, who is narcissistic, etc. to determine who is trustworthy, etc and then you’ll know what to look for in people you can be you with and who you can’t.

So basically: self-discovery and self-awareness journey. Then meet your own emotional needs be it pursuing a passion, etc and get yourself whole and happy first. Then seek love from others.

But in the interim: find people like good therapists, life coaches, teachers, etc you can connect with so you don’t feel alone.

You’ll get there with this approach.

Books: seat of the soil by Gary Zukav, the power of now books, andy andrews books like the noticer
Teal swan YouTube (some of her vids are good)

Paul’s eq vids