What To Do When Clients Cry

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In this short clip, therapy author and psychology professor Jay Efran, Ph.D., shares his do's and don'ts list for when clients cry and explains how tears can be a therapist's ally.

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This was a good example for handling a crying client. I think he’s very right that clients often cry because they feel safe with their therapist. What really important is empathy and effective communication. To listen and be completely non-judgemental. That’s the skill! That the hard bit. Being nonjudgmental. Some therapists can’t cope with a crying client and immediately think they’re depressed. This may not always be the case. They might just be upset because they’ve not been listened to of feel frustrated for lack of care and help! Patients and clients are coming to see a therapist for help, it’s hopeless if the therapist feels they can’t cope with a client just because they shed some tears. I mean who’s the patient then? It’s not rocket science. Treat the client/patient- that’s what they’ve come to see you for. Do your job, show your listening and you care about what they’re talking about. Do your job and help them!

sallybedlow

I like that "what help you cry" make is a positive event and take cry out of the shaming language.

jasonmcleod

Calling attention to my crying would stop me so fast. I don't cry in front of anyone because I was raised that tears were a sign of weakness. Although my brain knows that is not true I can't shake the feeling. If I cried in front of my therapist, I would already feel shame and then if she asked what the thought was that made me cry....I think I would shut off the tears immediately and try to pull myself together until I got home. I think maybe if she asked what I am thinking about, without mentioning the tears I think, in a hypothetical tear situation, I think I would feel comfortable continuing until my body felt it was enough.

cassie

I felt like my therapist tricked me in to getting upset. I felt betrayed like she made me feel things I didn’t want to feel. I also realised there was a table with tissues on it that were closer than in previous sessions, so she planned it, it felt like an ambush. I never went back.

bennywright

In found that very interesting and like "what was the thought that made you cry" there always is one !

misty

Demasiado asertivo. Yo he llorado sin parar con mi psicóloga y nunca me he sentido coartada. De hecho ayer hablé con ella y tocamos un tema que ni yo sabía que necesitaba sanar y lloré como una niñita pequeña JAJAJAJAJA. Ahora me río porque hoy en la mañana me levanté sintiéndome súper liviana, súper bien y mejor. Me encanta ir a terapia con mi psicóloga. Es de mis actividades favoritas. Creo que todas las personas deberían de pasar por un proceso de terapia psicológica.

melissagabrielamontoyanava

Crying means a breakthrough which is a good thing.

klattalexis

Thank you for this video! I have been a part of the Re evaluation counseling community during a period of my life and feel that the information shared about the value of crying has been one of the most valuable things in my life. In fact I think that this factor alone can have a positive effect on a global level. What might our world be like if boys were allowed to cry for example? So thanks again for this video because Not only does the general population need to be educated about this but also the therapeutic community.

claudiacooper

What if you cry in the first session, does that mean you trust the therapist? Or youre just emotionally unstable

HeavenlySunset

very useful as a teaching tool! thanks!

shirleydoo

I only cried once in therapy. The therapist let me cry. I felt horrible afterwards because I should’ve have never cried at all. I hate the fact that I am so venerable. I am cautious about getting too deep. Crying alone is better for me because I am alone. It’s good to be alone, I love it

paulastella

Oh my Lord. If a therapist can't handle someone who is crying in therapy, they need to find another job. Crying is no indication of being emotionally unstable - this is normal when a person has space to lay their burden down.

shhh

What helped me cry would stop me fast. I don't like feelings and especially crying so saying that would anger me and make me feel threatened. I can handle what was the thought connected to the crying.

totalcontrol

When I cry in a therapy session, I tell my therapist, "well I got my money's worth."

ruthmoore

very interesting I will try this on my Therapist as a test . I have a lot of things to cry about mostly shame .So far I have not cried with my Therapist she is very attractive . I trust her but I over think things . I'm a Aspie so I try not to cry but it happens anyways but not around my attractive Therapist I avoid the main issue .

JesusGonzalazz