How to Figure Out What You Really Want: Use This Life-Changing Hack

—

In today’s episode, Mel is helping you get true clarity about what you really want and create a plan to make it happen.

Mel created this free workbook, What Do You Really Want, as a way to thank YOU for your support of this podcast and for making it one of the most popular podcasts in the world.

In this episode and workbook, Mel is helping you get to the heart of this powerful question:

What do you really want?

The fact is, if you don't know what you really want, you're never going to get it. It's one of the top reasons why people stay stuck.

But that won’t be you. This deeply personal episode will walk you through a science backed method that is proven to help you get to the heart of what you want right now in your life.
There's nothing more important to spend your time on than yourself, and allow this episode to be your guide.

Do not let any more time go by wishing things were different. This is your opportunity to get what you really want and redefine your future.

I’m just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I’ll see you in the next episode.

Timecodes:
0:00 Intro
04:37 Mel reveals the FREE tool you can use NOW to get clear on your goals.
14:50 Mel’s COO shares how this one question changed her life.
21:44 How getting clear on what you want can change your day to day life.
24:15 The engineering principle you can adopt TODAY to problem solve.
26:18 Mel uses the “5 Whys” to explore why her daughter wants to move.
34:11 Mel’s daughter helps Mel reveal the reasoning behind one of her goals.
41:11 It is now YOUR turn to practice this exercise to reveal deeper insight.

—

—
—
Follow me here:
—
—
Looking for my books on Amazon? Here they are!

#advice #life #lifelessons

[DianaDentinger]

Last year I went to Spain and hiked trails for a month ALONE. It was the first time totally by myself for a long period. And a needed break after raising 4 kids as a single mom, with the 2 youngest still home. It was scary to leave them in charge of everything, take care of the dog, cook, clean, shop. But wow was it one of the best things I have ever done. Why did I go? To be with me, my thoughts, my inner sadness and my inner joy. Why was it great? Because I faced fears I knew I had as well as welcomed other ones to emerge. I came back full of energy, alive, clear and in love with myself. For me, extended time alone is key, especially for us busy moms and business women.

[JohnBurke]

I remember a vlog where you said your husband stands before a mirror each morning and sets his intentions and frequency by stating all the wonderful positives about himself. I do this now and it’s really helped each day. It’s centering, loving and healing and helps me through my day. To you both Thank You 🙏

[ashleytabar]

I took some time today in my journal to write ✍️ down the one thing I want. The current goal I have is to get out of credit card debt and make at least enough money to go on vacation once a year. Then I started writing down my 5 whys. When I got to the 5th why, I discovered the reason I want to be able to get out of credit card debt and go on vacations each year is because I want to enjoy this one life we have. I want to see the world and enjoy life with my husband, family, and friends. 😊
It literally broke me into tears doing this exercise but I found this to be my favorite podcast episode! I cannot thank you enough for how much I needed this one. I really appreciate you Mel Robbins, your daughter, and the story of the lake house example. It really opened my eyes to what I really want. Lastly, I highly encourage everyone to journal their whys.

[SherryTomlinson-ry]

I hear that Mel, I abhor schedules Don’t tell me when to go to bed, what time to eat. I’m 68 if I want to wake up at 4 am an listen to the birds sing I will . I am tired of just surviving been doing this for 68 years now. The fewer possessions I have the happier I am. I would love a companion. My plan is to write a book. At least headed in that direction. A healing book for myself and others. My true love and soul will always be country. With a 7-11 nearby…of course a cat and dog… maybe a crow ..

[jennifershort]

I haven't wanted anything for a long time. I denied myself what I wanted when I became full time caregiver to my mom because it was all about her. I wasn't okay if she wasn't okay. Since her death in December 2022 very little has meant anything to me. Now I don't know what I want. I get intimidated when I'm told the more specific I am the better my chance is of getting it. I don't know! Thank you for this guidance through figuring that out. ❤

[lwandeagape]

Words couldn’t begin to describe how much I needed this and how freeing this was. It flew by because I was so captivated. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. My mind hasn’t been quiet or calm for 5 years, my chest has been tight for that long until now. I hope I always rewatch this as many times as possible. ❤God bless you your family and your team

[KatAnderson-fc]

This reminded me of my days working in Hospice at a VA Hospital as a CNA. I was part of a project to teach the hospital staff about Hospice & Palliative Care. I taught the 7 Gifts lecture. Blew them out of the water with the realization of what Hospice patients go through & letting go - Your Independence, Your Choices of your own health and how these things are taken away from you. It made a profound impact on them & ME! This did too, for at this stage of my life, I've done for everyone else but ME, and now feel "lost at sea"...thank you for what you do. I'm GRATEFUL and can now ask about MY why!!

[leslielacktman]

Today is the beginning of my conversations with Mel and my decisions of What Do I Really Want. Honest. Congruent with my values. Deeper for clarity. Peace.
And I believe in you Mel, and love you. It’s my favorite sign off from you each time.
❤❤❤

[sanjaivandic]

Dear Mel, I don't know if you are reading this or not, and I never leave comments, not sure why, just don't. Just feel I must say, every word you said is me right now. I just had a surreal moment there, I cannot even explain it, every word you said describes what I'm feeling and thinking. And not just universal stuff, like the book, and the why around it. I'll stop writing now, but this is something!

[hiwmelaku]

'Keeping the promise I made to the little girl' just had me bawling!! It woke me up. Thank you Mel and family 💞

[stryeyz]

This 5 Whys is the Toddler Game 😂 love it! 3 year old kids had the wisdom to ask why and we all got annoyed by it and now as adults we are asking the Whys now.

[merin]

I’m going to need this course/exercise. I am nearly 58. When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a flight attendant. And my mother said why be a flight attendant when you can be a pilot. I don’t have the skill set to be a pilot. First of all, I am ADD inattentive. And I am not a math person. I do have people skills though, and an affinity for languages. My grandparents were immigrants from Sweden and my mother was also born there. But she’s pretty American. I did spend some time in Sweden, living with my cousins etc. Spent a semester in high school there. I have a college BA degree that never panned out. Not right fit. I went to work for a company as an operator for deaf people, but it was a nowhere job. I ended up going back to school to try my hand at speech pathology. Again, good at the linguistic side but lacked in the medical side. I embarked on thisnafter being laid off from my company, where I was injured with repetitive motion injury to my arms and hands from typing so fast. I had to type as fast as people were talking in my earphones. So that wasn’t great, even though I was good at it. I never did find the color of my parachute, although I tried, all my life I have wanted to have financial autonomy. I didn’t want to marry for money and I certainly didn’t want to marry the wrong person only to get divorced. I wasn’t on fire about being a mother. Although I would’ve been a decent one. I sometimes cry about that now because I’m 58. The positive side is that without work I was free to take care of my grandmother who lived to be 101. My mother still needed to work so I filled in. It was a long haul. And now I find myself moved to Seattle area, living with my mother in her house, taking care of her while she declines in her Journey of dementia. For the moment, I am stuck here fulfilling that role and responsibility. My only sibling left us a long time ago. I’d say 30-35 years ago. So the past one and a half years I got in touch with an old friend from college and we started seeing each other. He lives in Belgium, but he has a business here in the states he spends ten days out of each month stateside and we see eachother when possible. I fly to wherever he is.
In a year and a half we’ve had about six dates. He came to Seattle once. I cannot leave my mom for a few days bc her long term care insurance does not amply cover it as she lives independently at home. After 30 years of virtually no contact, my brother decided to move her into an assisted-living which she hated. So I took her out of it. He took us to court to try to get a guardianship and conservative ship the case. Since she left that assisted-living, we have lived here for two years exactly together. It hasn’t been great and it has. It’s up-and-downs. I have no friends here or family. So it’s just the two of us. We live in a 55 and up community so it’s difficult to find people my age.
I have family to take my mother to Hawaii for a week, I took her back to California for Christmas service at our church, and this summer I had her house painted, did some serious work in her yard, and took my mother all the way to Sweden For a week to see our family our true family. Those who actually care about us and show it. Now we are considering moving because as my mother has dementia, we have a short window of time to make that move. Since dating that man from college that I knew all those years ago, I have come to find out, but I think he has narcissistic personality disorder, and avoidant attachment problems. I don’t need to go into that, but it’s clear that he isn’t made of the stuff that I need in my life. Which is warmth and affection and respect. I tried everything I could to make it work but it’s impossible. So I want to move away from that and move towards Sweden. I think my mother will have a better quality of life there and I think the medical services to her as a dual citizen will be an and advantage. Everything will be fine for her because she has a dual citizen. But I am not. I will have to enter as a resident and go through that process. It’s very complicated as I have been on section 8 here in the United States for probably 24 years. And I’ve been on Social Security disability since then. I never found my true calling nor my true love. Maybe that will happen in Sweden. At least I’ll have family around us. And maybe that will lead to better things. Including a man that respects me. I’m a strong person and I don’t really back down from intimidation. That’s the thing I enjoy about being my age. I exchanged youth for wisdom. We’ll see what happens. If I can move my mother in myself to Sweden, that will probably be one of the most complicated things I’ve ever had to do. I think I have the guts to pull it off. I believe that I can. And that’s the first step. Thank you, Mel.

[kimbersongm]

Mel - the reason you have to add another project to “get away” (despite the fact it’s more work) is because you feel guilty when you aren’t productive & working. As a fellow work-aholic, I can completely relate.

[do.s.]

I'm experiencing the same situation with my kids 16&18... they are growing up and I have to accept it. Now I know I have to talk to them about this.
Thank You ❤

[amandakeaton]

At first when I started this my first thought was I’m working on moving out.
Then as I listened to the podcast there’s way more that I’ve dreamed of.
1) becoming a dog trainer
2) moving out (of town/new place and finding a new job)
3) meaningful relationship
4) travel on my own/new destinations

So, now I have some work to do on “why” for each of these. Lol these have all occurred to me the last couple years…

[juliebee]

I need this so much. it makes me just want to cry that my life, that has always had meaning and purpose, is now filled with so much uncertainty and fear. I don't even know what I want. we'll, I do know but that's the impossible. I want my husband to be well again and 20 years younger.😢

[fawnsimmons]

I cried through this entire episode. Now I’m going to download the workbook so I can figure out what I really want.

[cicciobellomio]

This is a great episode. I first heard about this concept of asking why at least five times when you really don’t understand what’s going on. I had heard that this is a Buddhist concept which has traditions going back over 1000 years in order to get to the real core of the truth. You have to keep on asking why at least five times and it really works.

[araespejel]

Thank you for all your hard work dear Mel. You are the kind of person that we all need to have around: the kind that pulls you up. You do that for us. I appreciate you for that

[pjspingola]

I have been asking God/the universe/Source for the clarity I need to know what it is I WANT for a couple months. This podcast and workbook are the answer to my request!! And it turns out I’ve carried half these desires with me my entire life. Thank you, Mel and Team. We love you 💙🦋