10 Signs you have Pathological Demand Avoidance

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Happy world autism acceptance week! Here are 10 Traits of PDA (pathological demand avoidance), which is widely accepted as a profile of autism.

My Videos about Masking:

What masking feels like from the inside:

Me taking the masking quiz (the CAT-Q):

Does EVERYONE Mask? Autistic Vs Introverted:

00:00 Do you HATE being told what to do?
01:00 WHY pathological?
01:42 What is PDA?
03:08 Why are we like this?
04:08 The spectrum inside the spectrum
04:38 Masking PDA
05:06 What counts as a demand?
10:55 Using Social Strategies to Avoid Demands
14:30 PDA Meltdowns
15:07 Too social for autism?
18:07 Controlling?
19:40 Language delay?
20:07 Mood swings & Impulsivity?
21:53 Obsessions with people (21:57) - make doom sound louder
23:44 Enjoy fantasy & role play?
24:40 Autistic people aren't creative?
25:49 Novelty overriding demands
26:38 Issues with employment & school avoidance?
28:35 Your parents were judged
29:08 Can/should you get a diagnosis?
30:24 How do you cope?
33:25 What is masking?

DISCLAIMER: I am a second-year psychology student and a late-diagnosed #actuallyautistic individual. I am not a qualified healthcare professional.

References:

Purple Ella Anxiety Video:

The PDA Society:

PDA & Employment:

Study on Uncertainty and Demand Avoidance:

Sally Cat PDA's Video:

*Books:

A Pale View of Hills (plz read this masterpiece):

Steal like an Artist:

*Books I'd Recommend about Autism:

Different not Less by Chloe Hayden (read if you want to cry):

Aspergirls by Rudy Simone:

*Links with a star are affiliate links. The channel will receive a small commission if you buy anything on Amazon after clicking through with this link. There's no extra cost to you and any money will go towards putting out more content. I'd love to post twice a week and put more time into research for these videos. Thank you so much - I really appreciate every like and comment!

[imautisticnowwhat]

I've just posted a video with 12 tips for coping as a PDAer:

I also found a PDA test online!! Take it with me here:

Not me posting 4.5 hours later than usual because I HAD to fix a typo. If there are any more, please don't tell me 👀 For some reason, I'm nervous about posting this one. I really hope it's helpful!

If you'd like to know more about masking, you might enjoy these videos:

What masking feels like from the inside:

Me taking the masking quiz (the CAT-Q):

Does EVERYONE Mask? Autistic Vs Introverted:

[TheErikaShow]

This is a weird one. I CANNOT TOLERATE people explaining things to me that I already know. It doesn’t just get on my nerves. I feel myself tense up, and it FEELS like a confrontation even though I know it’s not. It is one of the few behaviors that I have to really be present to control it. I usually will immediately cut the person off, letting them know I know. It is almost compulsive and it is nearly IMPOSSIBLE to explain to ANYONE….EVER….ugh! 🤦🏾‍♀️

[niki.anddog]

The “I have to brush my teeth every day forever” thing bothered me a lot as a kid, too.

[MelissaThompson]

#7: Role play--- I read in some magazine, centuries ago as a teenager, that a good strategy for getting over nerves is to imagine a character who is good at doing the thing you're afraid of doing, and then go out and do the thing _as that character._ That way, you're not doing it, you're just the actor; it's the character that's doing the thing.
It's amazing how much I've been able to do using that trick.
I just realized in recent months that that's a rather extreme form of masking.

[captainmaim]

My therapist asked me "what do you want?" I replied, "I want it to be over with. Win, lose, pass, fail, over with and done. I don't want to be dead, I want everything to leave me alone."

[thecrapartistx]

the saddest part of this for me is when I avoid my own art room. I sit on the couch listening to creepypastas, screaming at myself in my head "get up and go make something cool! go! go!! why are you sitting there? Go!" and then I just feel frozen.

[sprcow]

" I think we get used to disregarding our own discomfort" So much this! It took me like a year of therapy to realize I intellectually write off and minimize all of my own responses to things, because I know that they are irrational in many cases. The side effect of this, is that I never speak up in defense of my own needs anymore or pursue my own values in the face of opposition, because I can easily rationalize other people's positions.

[elinontheway]

At least half of these really resonated with me. You know when your colleague asks you to do something for them and something inside you stops you from doing it straight away, not because it's difficult or unpleasant, but because it has to be your decision to do it? If it's just a reaction to a demand, that takes your autonomy away. If you wait an hour and then do it of your own free will, your autonomy is preserved. But if they remind (nag) you during that waiting time, that sets the timer back to zero...That's what it feels like to me, and has done since childhood.

[randomvrperson]

I kept thinking I wanted to get tested for autism, but I’m fairly social. I kept saying “I can’t be autistic, I’m good with people.” Then I found this video. I always thought I was lazy. Anytime anyone told me to do anything, clean your room, homework, anything, I just didn’t do it. I didn’t want to do it. I think I might go talk to a therapist now lol.

[AnnoyingNewsletters]

my area manager singled me out for taking my break at my station (instead of sandwiched into the petri dish of the break room), citing it as a safety issue, but didn't say anything to the next three employees who were also at their stations.

My autism can't handle inconsistencies like that. 🤬

And that's why I'm rewatching this video 🙂

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

[TheRev]

I spent my entire childhood being yelled at for “refusing” to do what I was told. Now, whenever I’m in a demanding situation, like work, I’m in a constant state of anxiety. A day of work often leaves me exhausted. I still feel like I’m “bad” and afraid of being rejected for it, but I have to work to avoid other, harsher realities.

This was a great video! And thanks for the tips about how you get things done. I’ve been doing the “Force myself into a schedule” bit for decades. I think it’s time to try something more freedom oriented.

❤

[messagegoeshere]

I had gotten into quilting recently and my mom took one look and said "you could sale those." Not shockingly, a few days later, my sister says her friend sales baby stuff at a booth "You could totally sale them there." Pushing me to take my beloved hobby amd turn it into a job. Sucked the joy right out of it, even as i was very clear about it being a hobby and not a job. Still love it, but i avoid it now.

[kathymarshall]

I super resonate with the idea of “tricking” my PDA.
The way I do it is by creating a demand I’m more likely to avoid than the one I’m currently avoiding (eg, if I’m avoiding the washing up, I’ll put a load of laundry on, because I know that while I’m likely to move it to the dryer I’m also likely to avoid folding it and putting it away, and when it’s time to do it I’ll more than likely do the washing up to avoid sorting laundry)

I’m basically manipulating myself to do chores. It doesn’t always work but it works enough to stop me from living in total chaos 😂

[miniboulanger]

I was surprised to hear about the receiving gifts part, as I didn't exepect it but it's very relatable. Does anyone also feel the same about giving gifts or cards? I like being generous with people and such, but around holidays, I hate the fact that it's expected of me, and it often leads to me avoiding it until it's too late, and then feeling terrible afterwards because I had nothing to give.

By the way, thank you for your videos. They are both informative and entertaining, and it always somehow makes me feel safe listening to you.

[RosaFriend]

That sense of justice, equality, and anti authoritarianism. Everything makes so much sense. I keep telling people that I've been a punk rocker since I was like 4 and now it all makes sense. I hate that sense of control that people have over me and over others. It's so deeply embedded in our society, and I've been trying to fight against it literally all my life.

[TheDoodleZone]

Watching this video just made me cry. You just helped me realize who I am and why I have so many problems with employment.
Just yesterday my husband told me that I should do sit-ups. Before he had said anything I thought about doing situps. But just because he told me to, I couldn't.

[minacapella]

I feel like this has manifested way more for me as an adult than it ever was there as a kid.

[ttsuyaguy]

I try always to help my daughter understand the purpose behind her responsibilities. This allows her to reframe them as things she "gets" to to, rather than things she "has" to do. She "gets" to feel comfortable and healthy, rather than "having" to perform hygiene and cleaning tasks. She "gets" to learn and acquire new skills, rather than "having" to complete her homework.

[MichaelTrivett-sx]

This video revolutionized my life. I'm not joking. After reading so many books on self-handicapping, procrastination and self sabotaging you turned the lights on. Thank you so much!

[lifeasrini]

Omg the way you just described my son for 30 minutes 😳 He's been diagnosed with autism but this hasn't been mentioned yet .. Thank you so much for making this video 💐❣️