Are You A People Pleaser?

Are you a people pleaser? The reality is most folks who call themselves that suffer a lot of anxiety, and often sabotage their own recoveries because they are afraid they will alienate others if they prioritize themselves.

From a recent chat with Chef AJ

[andrewsmith]

It can be that. It can also be how you feel safe and in control around other people- as this is how you grew up managing dangerous people and keeping things on an even keel. So it's more about feeling unsafe than unworthy.

It can also be that growing up your needs were never met and so you gravitate to people and situations that never meet your needs- and you just never even learned how to recognize or meet or advocate for your needs. Maybe at the same time you were fed religious ideas of generosity and sacrifice that you just don't know how to integrate properly and this dysfunction has become a habit. You end up thinking and hoping that things will work out if you just try harder to be a better person according to your religion. In that case the person is more lost and caught in a kind of learned helplessness than unworthy.

OTOH it also can be how you manipulate and control people - by going overboard in an attempt to make them indebted to you.

It also can be how you avoid your own discomfort and responsibilities by over-focusing on others through a kind of procrastination. People procrastinate for many reasons beyond lack of self worth.

People pleasing is a maladaptive survival strategy stemming from CPTSD. Your points might be at the heart of it for many people with this, and it might always look like that to you, but it doesn't really fit that well for everyone and it's a lot more complex than that.

[timzstr]

asian parents needs to watch this clip