Why don't people know when they have a Personality Disorder? | Egosyntonic vs Egodystonic

This video attempts to answer the question: Why does somebody with a personality disorder not seem to be aware they have a personality disorder? To get started with this question, it’s first important understand that some people who have personality disorders understand that they have a disorder. Others don't seem to have much awareness. Most people who have personality disorders have some awareness, but some areas with reduced awareness.

I'm going to start with a couple terms that I've used before other videos: ego-syntonic and ego-dystonic, and these terms come from the psychoanalytic school of thought. Ego-syntonic really means that somebody's emotions, behavior, cognitions are consistent with their values, beliefs, and their ideal self-image. Ego-dystonic means that their feelings, thoughts, and behaviors are inconsistent or unacceptable as compared to their values and beliefs.

Miller, J. D., Sleep, C. E., Lamkin, J., Vize, C., Campbell, W. K., & Lynam, D. R. (2018). Personality disorder traits: Perceptions of likability, impairment, and ability to change as correlates and moderators of desired level. Personality Disorders: Theory, Research, and Treatment, 9(5), 478–483.

Miller JD, Jones SE, & Lynam DR. (2011). Psychopathic traits from the perspective of self and informant reports: Is there evidence for a lack of insight? Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 120(3), 758–764

[siegfriedhiryu]

Don't forget the ever delightful, Psychology Student Disorder. The one you get when you read too much about personality disorders and worry you have them.

[StingerByte]

“An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behavior.”

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

― _Victor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning_

[ct]

This video was really wonderful. A friend of mine was just diagnosed with a personality disorder and she took it really hard, as if it were a failing of hers. She's brilliant, hilariously funny, thoughtful, insightful, and she has her struggles. Her diagnosis made her feel very broken and hopeless---she had a really rough childhood without love or nurturance topped off with abuse and I think that can be a really stark legacy. Despite all that, she is a fountain of energy and the best of her is her sarcasm which has me in stitches often. I think there is a lot of hope for people who didn't have a chance in childhood to build a healthy personality structure. I will definitely be sending this to her.

[sirvilhelmofyonderland]

I was oblivious to my narcissism for 40 years.
I finally sought help, counseling, medication. I’m 46 now. It’s like I’ve been reborn. Unfortunately, I have 40 years of regret.

[NickY-rmno]

As someone studying psychology, I can't express enough how helpful your videos are. Thank you for the consistent videos Dr. Grande.

[seema]

Best comments on personality disorders that I’ve seen. Don’t demonize, try to understand.

[cathrynory]

The story about 10 "normal" people in a room having to potentially change in order to fit in with the rest of sociopathic humanity was very helpful. It just "feels wrong".

[christiancrowder]

Yes. Yes. Yes. As a person with BPD, I can say, the first reaction to my diagnosis was to reject it. Once I accepted my diagnosis, I was able to find ill thoughts that were leading me to ill behaviors that were hurting my husband.

[cdcaterham]

"If in fact a normal person is nice"

well said Dr Grande

[maxpanicked]

"What if people with personalities are just people" - Dr. Grande, 2020 :-D

[nanaman]

Don’t stop being a kind person you can decipher what is right or wrong and if it becomes too difficult you can always leave the situation.

[tabathagentry]

I can attest to that validation and acceptance being so important. I had a best friend who accepted me exactly how i am and it meant the world to me. Having someone accept me like that gave me this feeling of safety and comfort that allowed me space to grow and work on some of my behaviors.

[lauriedonnelly]

I agree that we should accept all personalities but we should not tolerate bad behaviors. Great video explaining this topic.

[dormanmom]

Acceptance and insight give me mercy for the narcissistic person in my life. Clearly, you are a kind and caring counselor.

[maryannmaher]

Phenomenal, intelligent, multi-layered, thorough, compassionate and clear explanation of "walking in the other guy's shoes" to understand, help, heal and relate to those experiencing personality disorders!

[TyrantofArson]

When I was younger, a few years before I was diagnosed, I knew something was wrong. I didn’t know what, I didn’t know how, or why; But I was able to tell that something was off with my emotions, and my mental state. I tried to pass it off as depression, but I still didn’t feel it quite explained everything.

The diagnosis was a huge click for me-

[monicacruz]

I accept that all personalities are just personalities, the disordered are that way for a reason, their immature selves were warped by early experience in combination with their innate (genetic) traits. They themselves cannot see their ‘abnormality’ or the effects they might have because they have probably not had better, more normative examples in their environment and their personality disorder is in fact a survival strategy, it protects them. I think a lot of people have trouble with the labeling, but terms and labels are essential devices to navigate the literature and the videos. In the same way we use Latin names for plants, we need the labels. Another useful video Dr Grande 👍

[Corgis]

Love the compassion in Dr. Grande language. Thank you.

[Marnee]

Wow! Wow, wow, wow. Having come from a group of family and friends where many have personality disorders, this video was an eye-opener. This really changed my view about personality disorders. I have chills right now. Thank you, Dr. Grande.

[avuhsimone]

As a person diagnosed with BPD, i think your theory regarding personality disorders and how they feel like they need to adapt to a normal that isn’t normal for them is great. You really hit the nail on the head with that one, I am never able to stop feeling this intense intrusive feeling of wrongness or being off and i believe that it is partially due to being forced to live in a word that doesn’t make sense to someone like me. always love your content grande ;P