5 Ways to Build Confidence | Lessons in Elegance

🗝 Featured in the Video

🗝 Jennifer's Outfit Details

🗝Time Stamps
0:00 Why you should build Confidence
1:15 Film Yourself
3:33 Polish Your Appearance
5:38 Hero Cosmetics Sponsor
7:33 Brush up on etiquette skills
9:28 Correct your posture
11:02 Act as if it were impossible to fail
13:32 Recap

⚜️ About me: Hello, I'm Jennifer L. Scott, New York Times bestselling author of LESSONS FROM MADAME CHIC, AT HOME WITH MADAME CHIC, and POLISH YOUR POISE WITH MADAME CHIC (Simon & Schuster) and CONNOISSEUR KIDS (Chronicle Books). On this channel you will see homemaking, capsule wardrobe (ten-item wardrobe), modern etiquette, ladylike and elegant living, and many other tips on how to become your own Madame Chic and Daily Connoisseur. I invite you to subscribe! New videos every week.

Connoisseur Kids
Lessons from Madame Chic
At Home with Madame Chic
Polish Your Poise with Madame Chic

⚜️ Popular videos:

*NEW* The Ten-Item Wardrobe
+
Carry Yourself with Poise
+
How to be Efficient at Home

⚜️ Connect

Copyright-free music from Epidemic Sound
End music: Reflections by Borrtex
This video is edited by Evan M. Gallagher

FTC: This video is sponsored by Hero Cosmetics. I use affiliate links, including Amazon affiliate links which means I get a small commission from any purchases made at no cost to you. Thank you for your support.

[sandraschellhase]

I feel your channel is a very available Finishing School for those of us whom have discovered it. Thank you so very much.

[SincerelyHannah]

My greatest tip for building confidence is: stop overthinking it because no one cares. I know it sounds harsh but it’s actually so incredibly comforting to know that people aren’t obsessing over my imperfections like I do. I’d get insane anxiety in elementary to high school whenever I had to do presentations in front of the class (I dreaded it!!). But after realizing that no one actually cares about all the small details I stress over, I learned to have more confidence. No one will remember your presentation unless it was embarrassingly bad or breathtakingly awesome, so it’s better to calm down and get it over with.

But I completely agree—God works all things together for good for those who love and Him and are called according to His will!

Also, I wanted to mention how cute it is that you wore a pink blouse for today’s video☺️ it matches the Valentine’s Day theme💕

[emanuela]

Hello Jennifer, my name is Emanuela, I'm 45 and I'm from Italy. I have watched your videos regularly for some time now and I like them not only for the useful tips and the pleasant atmosphere but most of all for your gentle manners, thanks a lot and keep on going! Have a nice day! 😊 🌺

[friendlykids]

Thanks for the nice content Jennifer. I'm a sri lankan mom of two kids living in Indonesia with my family. I too forget my posture and when I check the camera in my house I feel so bad about it. Reminder for me too how important it is. Love the flow of your vedios, and the style. Keep on going. All the best. Thanks 🌸💐👍🥰

[WomenLivingTorah]

It’s interesting that you mention acne…. I was raised in a home where makeup wasn’t an option. I had terrible acne as a teenager! In hindsight, I have always credited my confidence today to the fact that I had acne and did not feel a need to hide it. I learned that friendships, intelligence, success in life, happiness is not dependent on my skin being clear! So often, acne is not the result of something a person does or does not do. It doesn’t reflect the care I give myself or my values, or my perception of myself. I can dress presentably, wear my hair nicely, and most importantly, smile and be genuine, and still feel confident with acne. What I’m attempting to express is that tending to our appearance does have a connection to confidence, but it is my opinion that the connection is in that tending to our appearance is a form of self respect. And it is treating ourselves with dignity and respect that builds confidence! 🤔 My thoughts, and I appreciated yours!! 🤗

[christiana_mandalynn]

Jennifer, I have a story to tell you! Your videos & books have meant to much to me, and because of them -because of *you* - I was able to undertake a challenge and pull it of with poise and confidence.

My husband’s maternal grandmother died last week. The day after she died, and the funeral arrangements were being made, my mother-in-law asked me via text if I would mind playing the piano for the funeral . This would include the prelude music, the opening and closing hymn, an interlude hymn, and the postlude music. I responded yes, and then realized that I overestimated my abilities! 😬 As I fumbled through the hymns that first night, I thought NO WAY would I be able to play these songs after having been practically inactive on the piano for 8-10 years. (I had played the piano weekly with an instructor from age 8-21)

I wanted to give up, but I didn’t want to let my husband’s family down. So, I rolled up my sleeves and made a plan: I knew I need probably 12+ hours of practice to sound good. With 6 days until the funeral, that was 2+ hours a day.... surrounded by 4 small children.... who had previously never let me play the piano without coming to bang on the keys.... but nevertheless, I persisted.
I analyzed each song, wrote ALL the chords above each measure, marked in every sharp and flat so that my brain didn’t have to translate the key signature the entire time. I drilled myself by breaking up left hand and right hand, playing separately, then together. I played it on double speed (so hard) and then caught where I was messing up on the tricky parts. I played along to other performances by listening with one ear bud, or a chorus singing the hymns so I could practice with people singing to it. I recorded myself and then listened to the playback so I could hear where I struggled and needed to have extra practice. I practiced completely ignoring missed notes and purposely moving forward rather than trying to “go back” and hit the right note.

I even turned the interlude hymn into a new arrangement, where I turned the chords into rolling, flowing glissandos, all while keeping time, and playing much of it an octave higher (8va) and it sounded so much more lovely and elegant as a piano solo.

And most importantly, I used my kid’s noise and boisterousness in the background to my advantage— I remembered what you had written in At Home with Madame Chic about “meditation in activity is a 1000x more powerful than meditation in stillness”. Instead of demanding that my children be quiet so I could practice the songs for the deadline of the funeral, I embraced that chaotic noise and told myself, “if I can play serenely through the noise of my kids while they bounce on the little trampoline and watch cartoons, then people singing along while I play in a quiet chapel will be a breeze”.

And despite my nervousness, I remained poised at the piano bench with good posture the entire time. Good posture truly makes a difference in boosting confidence!

It was a challenge to undertake but it truly went so well. I’m glad I said “yes” to playing the piano even though I was in a very poor place of confidence at first, because it allowed me to rise the the occasion and realize that I can do hard things. Acting like I was confident and poised helped me so much, and I attribute nearly all of it from the “training” of my mind through your books and videos.
Afterwards, many of my husbands family came to me with tears in their eyes, thanking me for playing the piano. ❤️

[daniela]

Oh I love #5! "Act as if it's impossible to fail" - I took a mindset course once that said there is no such thing as failure, only feedback. I loved that because essentially that's what life is all about. Giving us "feedback" on the choices we've made. Something that we see as "failure" is just a sign to course correct, or let go, or trust in the lesson that is being taught.
Great editing in this video, by the way! Very visually appealing. And finally, the color of that Rungolee blouse is stunning on you

[MrsAPeterson]

I love this! I recently listened to a podcast that discussed the drained feeling after socializing. She recommended praying for the lord to aid in providing confidence and energy to have these interactions.

[DebraofSENC]

Thanks for the encourgement, Jennifer! Here I am retirement age and have not overcome my fear of speaking in public. I even dropped the public speaking class in college because of the horror of it. I am paralyzed by it still. Even after practicing lines, I will stand up and everything I memorize disappears. I will try and force myself to do it. Did accidentally see myself talking on camera once and was happy about it because I appeared very jovial and enthusiastic.

[crterwil]

thank you!! I am 57 and still struggle with self confidence. . your posts always help me!!

[lauraneaves]

Love the last tip. I am a long time follower of Terri Savelle Foy also. I want to act like I cannot fail, and the confidence that God has my back and good 💜💜💜💕💕

[irishb]

I want to add the fact that if you have clean, pearly white teeth, that includes fresh breath as well. Now, that will add confidence. When I talk to someone, I always end up focusing on her teeth.
Jen, I always watched you and learned a lot on how to act finesse as a woman. Thank you. Your voice calms me down, too!❤️

[Es]

One thing for me that has helped build confidence is to accomplish things (lose weight, begin strength training, graduate college, get married, have kids, buy a house, grow a garden, make bread from scratch, etc.) A sense of accomplishment goes a long way in making you feel stronger. It also helps you to relate to others and have things to talk about in social settings.

[mmthomas]

I needed to hear number 5. I'm 60 (in a couple of months) and I've taken a job as a cashier at a hardware store. I'm having a lot of fun and everyone is so nice. The problem is, I'm very nervous about doing a good job and not messing up. Logically, there is no reason for this. I've been a newspaper reporter, an art teacher, a grocery cashier, and I spent a year playing flute in a Baroque ensemble. I know I can do this. Plus, my boss says I'm doing a great job. I really need to quiet my fears.

[katiecousineau]

Hi Jennifer, I just wanted to say that I ADORE your ASMR Clean with Me videos and would you please consider making more of them? I have searched high and low on Youtube and I cannot find almost any videos similar to yours. There are tons of ASMR videos out there and tons of clean with me videos, but I can't seem to find almost any that have ASMR cleaning sounds coupled with beautiful music. Please won't you make some more?--Katie

[anitas]

You look beautiful in that color Jennifer! So fresh for spring!

[kaitlynmason]

Jennifer, I appreciate your work so very much. I cannot tell you how much your books, your mannerisms, your confidence and poise has reminded me of who I am. (And the things I loved and cherished before having children!) I am new to this channel, and I love what you are sharing. Thank you, truly. Also... I've heard you speak on posture before - it is a struggle for me with scoliosis... but somehow as I straightened my posture today I realized I needed to raise my laptop about a foot higher! Now it is sitting perched on a lovely wooden box. This will help so much. :) God bless & have a good day! Peace! - Kaitlyn

[tanyavansloun]

1. Filming yourself is incredibly helpful! I train new employees at a large logistics company - used to be in person but now it's virtual and we have had to record class sessions from time to time. I watch myself on camera and learn all SORTS of things about myself I wasn't aware of before. Uncomfortable, yes. Helpful, absolutely!!
2. I'm ordering those for my 17 year old nephew- thank you!
3. I recommend your books to everyone reading this!
4. I like to imagine someone pulling the top of my head with a string
5. I am speechless- what a great tip! Thank you Jennifer, you are inspiring & lovely as always

[victoriamather]

I love how you’re adding the recap at the end now!

[soniaspf]

Such a good tip about filming yourself. We had to do that when we began our Post Graduate Certificate in Higher Education we had to introduce ourselves and also talk and walk at the same time. We all laughed at our selves but also learned a lot as we were going to be lectures, we needed to be self confident or at least appear to be.