gen z is undateable

0:00 intro
1:43 you want to be perfect
8:39 you don’t open up
13:04 you refuse to get hurt
20:15 you’re allergic to red flags
22:25 you don’t know what you want

Typing this up so the algorithm thinks this video is about dating at 21, being 22 and single, 23 and single , never had a boyfriend at 18, never hay a girlfriend at 24, single and 26, never had a partner, single forever, forever alone if you made it this far, comment a 🍇

🎙️ listen as a podcast

[ariel]

I think a lot people self sabotage love… for example the words “ick” or “simp” has definitely made it harder for people to actually be themselves because people are afraid of actually being emotional . A relationship is not being emotional it’s about becoming emotionally intelligent and patience. Yet natural human behaviors or looks are seen as a ick . You’re right people want things to be perfect all the time, and love is beautifully imperfect that’s the point in my opinion

[Lxxx]

Another reason: we always think there is someone better waiting for us in the near future.

[xuchilbara]

As a 30 yo man, who first was ugly as a teen, then looked amazing in my 20s and now still looks good but suffered from less options because of hairloss: it's because of looks. I've been on both sides of the fence. When you look like the it-girl or it-guy, you will see how shallow the world is. We don't date people, we date avatars of success that we represent like trophy's to our peers. You're not looking for a boyfriend, you are looking for a 6'2'' guy, blue eyes, beautiful hair, nice career who is attractive to many women but somehow ONLY loves you. And men don't look for a girlfriend, they look for a beautiful maid, who has the face of an angel and the body of Aphrodite who he can enjoy whenever he wants and is only loyal to him. Humans don't want to be in a relationship with another human, humans want to be in relationships with ideals.

[ahstiasummers]

Another reason is lack of patience. Increasingly people are expecting to be compatible in every way from the moment you meet (or within a few conversations) or the person is ghosted

[lilacfields]

genuinely the recently popular narrative that you should be completely healed as a person before getting into a relationship has had a huge impact on many (including me). there is a constant fear that you have not “upgraded yourself” enough to get in a relationship.

[wolfeprocter]

At this point, at the age of thirty five, I don't want to be in a relationship. I just want a friend in real life.

[veronica-mew]

As a 25-year-old who has never been on a date, never been in a relationship, etc... yeah, it's hard sometimes. I'm going to the wedding of a friend who's only 21 this summer and it really makes me think "where am i going wrong?" But at the same time, i don't meet people and am pretty chronically online, so it makes sense lmao.

[MangoPanic]

Chasing perfection is how you stay single forever. Fucking around and finding out, going with the flow, etc, is all part of learning the process. You never know if someone who "isn't your type" could be your next best friend and/or life partner. Look at how many people who met in high school and ended up getting married, for goodness sake. They didn't go into that relationship expecting marriage at all. I'm sure they were both dumb kids when it started, but they grew together.

Don't settle for someone who's an asshole, but as long as y'all are in a decent mental space for a relationship, it's okay to be a work in progress. That person could be the one who helps you reach your goals. You don't have to do everything alone.

[SplooTheAlien]

As a hopeless romantic who yearns for a passionate, vulnerable, deep love, it’s easy to fall into the rabbit hole of hopelessness when trying to find your soulmate when your surrounded by people who only want something superficial and short term… It has discouraged me from dating and putting myself out there as much as I want to in fear of being used… but I’m trying stay positive!

[Alyssacharlene]

I also think that the sexual expectations in dating culture these days make people who have never been in a relationship really nervous. I have lots of friends who get attention and asked on dates, but when the man realizes how long it might be before there is sex involved, they peace out. I feel like it’s harder to find people who want to establish a committed relationship before a sexual one.

[jon-kdst]

Gen z does know how to Date because dating has always been transactional and there were laws against dating. COURTING is something the modern Era has lost.

[busybecomingmyself]

I had my first girlfriend at 22 and married her thinking that this was the best I could get since no one else wanted me. I then spent 7 years in an abusive, sexless marriage where I was reminded that she was the "best thing that ever happened to me". Eventually going to therapy aged 31 led me to realise I had worth and I ended the marriage. Please, young people, take your time and develop yourself. You lose more by rushing than by taking your time.

Edit: for those asking further questions, I've told the story on my own channel.

[kngzero]

The "love yourself first" narrative often sends the message that you're not loved and its your own fault. Everyone deserves love even if they're hard on themsleves. Its possible that you lesrn to love yourself and others better through a healthy and supportive relationship. Realize that some ppl only have know abuse and haven't had the opportunity to develop the skills to express different love languages.

[selmabm]

It also really doesn’t help when you have that friend who keeps telling you “how come no one is dating you?” Or “I can’t believe someone as great as you is still single”
Oh, idk. Maybe it’s because I haven’t met someone I have some feelings for. Or that on the rarest times I do, the feelings are not reciprocated.
Even in a flattering tone, this kind of comment sometimes brings more hurt than good.

[mjotaku]

Gen Z's inability to be vulnerable is a massive issue. In highschool, I was in a situationship with a friend, and I wanted us to be official. She was so afraid that she would do/say the wrong thing, or hurt me, or otherwise be a "bad girlfriend" and thus lose me, that she refused to commit to a real relationship. She loved me too, and cared about me deeply, but wouldn't deepen our relationship due to fear. I've had many shallow friendships as well. I usually have 1 or 2 people I can be real with, but for the most part, my "friends" only want me around when I'm in a good mood. If the conversation becomes serious and emotional, they get super uncomfortable and change the subject as quickly as they can, or even criticize me for sharing my feelings (obviously if you're trauma dumping that's different; in this context I mean talking about any personal/emotional issue). And if I ask them about their personal lives, it gets shrugged off or ignored. I am a very sensitive and emotional person, and I really want to have deep and meaningful friendships, but it seems like most people are scared off by this 😢

[SeanR]

I don't think any less of a person if they haven't been in a relationship or are still a virgin. We all live different lives, and things happen.

[frank_myocean]

its just hard to be vulnerable with someone you aren’t close with because it can be seen as attention seeking. Which sucks because to become close to someone you have to open up and be vulnerable.

[doveslizleskiss]

i agree with all your points, i just want to add something i recently realised (as 20 year old who's never dated) : not all of our overthinking and fear of being imperfect is just in our head. i have met many people, from different nationalities and i can tell you: not everyone is nice. most people (gen z) are extremely judgemental. there is no way getting around them except owing your truth and being who you are, i'm just pointing out that it's hard to date nowadays because of the expectations SOCIETY makes us put on ourselves.

[Infectedcrow]

I have two problems:
1. The guys i want don't want me, and the guys that want me aren't my type
2. I need to know someone for atleast a few months (possibly be friends in those months) to even catch feelings and those develope very slowly.

[jantube]

0:08 I am 100% convinced that it's never a red flag when someone says that they've never been in a relationship! I hate to hear stories about exes and stuff like "I only date xyz because I have many bad experiences with others".