When the Narcissist Ghosts You and the Damage it Causes

Wednesday, April 12, 2023  4/12/23

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[DeMarsCoaching]

Have you been ghosted?
Have you ghosted someone?
Feeling sharing?

[stuartwigmore]

A painful video to watch. My now ex- wife of 5 years ghosted out of our marriage 3 years ago out of left field. I literally never saw or spoke to her again. I had brought up her 2 young children from a very young age and they saw me as their daddy.

I believe there's undiagnosed borderline there - she had a history of mental health issues and fit all the criteria.

The painful revelation after the event was that I was told "this sort of thing has happened before with previous partners", something I hadn't been aware of.

The punchline was that my replacement was in what had been my home 3 WEEKS after I left. Go figure. The most painful experience of my entire life.

[reucat]

It is the most hurtful experience, especially when you have no idea of the 'why', why you are being ghosted

[Willa]

Yes it's horrible when the emotional support is not mutual. That has happened to me as well.

[NightPursuit]

This has literally been the first and only video to so clearly summarise the internal agony of not knowing why someone you cared for has ghosted you. Thank you so much for putting my pain into words, I’ll be using this to talk to a therapist when I get the courage to see one. 🙏🏼

[BlackWolf-kzmf]

You're so well versed in these understandings yet you break it down so easily. I'm watching this video to learn bit it's literally like I'm talking to a therapist and you're responding to my journal entries.

[Greeneyedlady]

It is down right cruel but they do it so they don’t have to held accountable for their BS !!!

[cindyc]

I haven't ghosted, but I have been ghosted. I've always been pretty direct, and told them that I thought it best to go our separate ways, for various reasons.

[taraarrington]

I've been ghosted. I've never ghosted people in relationships. I was always assertive as far as trying to give and receive closure. However when I was probably a teenager I probably did Ghost a job.

[DeMarsCoaching]

Please sign and share the Stop Narcissistic Online Bullying global petition:

[georgieeve]

Thank you for doing this topic ♡ This is something I've been deeply shattered by, especially as an adult. To the point where it has really changed me. Fractured me in some way. I have CPTSD, PTSD, GAD, treatment resistant depression, and then the ghosting/abandonment stuff is a whole other type of chronic trauma I've endured that I don't know how to process, explain or talk about.

I've been doing healing work for so long, and I use the tools everyday. But it has been difficult to find information and support about the trauma of being ghosted multiple times as an adult, and beyond the context of general/typical ghosting done via online dating. It has been compounded by the physical passing of many loved ones, pets, and my brother who has been missing for 5 years now.. ontop of coworkers, lovers etc.

"I know people who wait months.." I've waited years 🤦‍♀️ I have been excellent at denial. But I've learned to be mindful of "magical thinking." I was quite suprised at how much I relied on magical thinking to get me through almost everything in life.

You said that it's not the ghostees fault. But is it not true that if something unwanted keeps happening to you, that it is probably because it *is* your fault? Rarely would someone be ghosted if they were truly valuable and important. I also heard in another video a while ago something like "If you were truly a safe and approachable person, then people wouldn't be affraid of being direct with you. That's why people ghost you."

[terra_t]

I ghosted my ex-narc and I wish I hadn't. If I could do it over I would tell him the truth about why it was over.
My advice is don't ghost anyone not even a narc because it might come back to haunt you.
Especially with a narc, it will cause them to hoover you, to try to get you to reengage so they can ghost you back.
Of course I wonder what my ex-narc would've done if I told the truth. He's covert so I don't think he would've killed me outright, like come to my house and do it. But he would've tried to talk me out of it like he did 3 times before when I tried throughout the relationship, and then get back at me for why I was trying to end it. I know why I ghosted him but it doesn't make it right in my case.
Really important, truthful video, David. Thank you.

[rossmarlin]

My wife ghosted me after 2 years of marriage August 2018 haven't heard from her since, and don't want to
She's a coward
You don't ghost people you supposedly love
She didn't love me

[julieangle]

I personally have ghosted a family member under the circumstances that if you don't have boundaries and you invest more time in being nosy, invading personal space, gossiping like a informant and airing everyone's laundry, that's good enough for me, when that stuff starts occurring in numbers you just can't have a meaningful relationship with someone like that, all trust goes out the window, true that and it's also about substituting as a door mat to be stepped on again and again, I've dealt with that, it's hard sometimes to see the good in others but truly I believe it's the personality and or disordered person you're dealing with, take care David 😀

[kynathomas]

I've always always been there for ALLLL of my friends. However, whenever I needed them they flee.
The are all married while I'm the single mother of two being their helper friend. It may seem that I ghosted them I however just stop letting them use me or emotionally dump on me.

[rorywright]

Hello again, David! I’m still thinking about my purpose in life, and here you are again! Lol! 😎❤️

[Christisgrace]

My boyfriend's best friend of many years did this to him. They had plans of starting a company together and all of a sudden he just disappeared. My boyfriend texted and called him but didn't get a reply.
His friend even blocked him, deleted him from his social media and did the same to me. I also tried to contact him but did not get a reply.
My boyfriend told me that his friend has done this before without explanation and then comes back to his life like nothing has happened.
This time my boyfriend was done.
Once his "best friend" unblocked us both, he did not want anything to do with him anymore.
I am still so sad about this situation.
My boyfriend became very depressed and so did I, we thought that he was a close friend tp us.
It really hurts when someone does this... I find it hard to move past it.
I also feel so bad for my boyfriend, wish there was anything I could do to make it better or solve it.

[twocandles]

To be honest David. I cant remember ever ghosting someone without an explanation. I have a very tough time ignoring people.... It feels like its a problem. So... no not in a personal relationship. I havnt ever been unwilling to give an explanation to somebody, its actually emotionally taxing sometimes when people refuse to accept my boundaries, but at that point when I've said everything I could possibly say, if they continue to contact me, then I will read things and get back to them when I'm not busy, but actually kind of proud to say ( in my personal relationships ) I have never actually denied someone closure or an explanation, I mean... in my adult life at least? I don't recall ghosting anyone though. If they requested closure it was never denied. BUT yes in the professional world I DEFINITELY ghost HR people or jobs I left without notice just out of pure embarrassment I guess. The way I see it, to deny someone closure or an explanation, is denying them the opportunity to self reflect and self improve, its denying them understanding and acceptance, I think its cowardly, or lazy, or maybe even overly considerate? But perhaps that's just an excuse? Imo? I don't think it's fair to deny someone closure or an explanation ESPECIALLY if you care about them unless it's dangerous? But still... I would try to at least exit a relationship as gracefully and considerately as possible out of respect for that persons love and dedication and time and future....

[brendaleverick]

My only sibling ghosted me. Yes, it's an awful thing he did to me. 👻

[jedrzejszelc]

Hello,
once again an excellent, insightful and very informative video - thank you. I appreciate your depth of understanding of these issues.
I wonder if "ghosting" is somewhat related to passive-aggressiveness and/or denial?
One could argue that these three constructs (ghosting, passive-aggression and denial) are interrelated - you seem to suggest it yourself between the lines.
Regards from Poland,
Jędrzej (Andrew) Szelc