The Science of Soulmates

How many Americans do you think believe in the concept of soulmates? Which part of the percentage do you stand in?

In this video, I talk about the science of soulmates and the difference between destiny believers vs. growth believers in romantic relationships. Whether you believe in the idea of soulmates or not, the concept can really affect your mindset when searching for a partner, what the longevity of a relationship looks like for you, and success rate.

Want more details on the science of soulmates?

In this video:
0:00 Intro
0:30 Statistics on Soulmates
2:05 Destiny vs. Growth Beliefs
3:15 Shift In Beliefs
4:00 The Demise of Destiny Believers
4:28 Advice to Destiny Believers
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Hi, I’m Vanessa!
You deserve more. More influence, more income, more of what you want. I would be honored to help you.
My name is Vanessa Van Edwards and I’m a recovering awkward person. I’m also a multi-time bestselling author of:
My goal is simple: Help YOU get to your goals faster. Never be overlooked, interrupted or forgotten again.
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Vanessa Van Edwards is Lead Investigator at Science of People — where she unlocks the formulas and patterns behind human behavior for hundreds of thousands of students in over 200 countries. She is the national bestselling author of Captivate: The Science of Succeeding With People, available in 14 languages around the world. Her work has been featured on CNN, NPR, BBC, Fast Company and dozens more.

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[gadbenezer]

Soul mates is basically our soul connecting with each other to a point it's not lust but true pure love a wonderful feeling that shall never end.

[geraldinescissorhands]

I believe in soulmates but I also believe in growing with a person and I think it's part of knowing he or she is your soulmate

[melodyindigoestell]

I truly didnt believe in soulmates until I met "mine"... this is 100% accurate

[mayawantstowatchthis]

I don't think many people understand the meaning of a soulmate. A soulmate is someone whom you meet that you share a spiritual connection with. It is also believed that a soulmate is a person you have been aquatinted with in in past life, hence the familiarity. But what many fail to recognize is that a soulmate doesn't always have to be a lover. It can be a friend, a family member or a mentor. Soulmate does not always refer to a romantic relationship. But when it does, people fail to recognize that even these relationships are not meant to last forever. Soulmates enter our lives at times for specific reasons and then we must let them go. People have this idea that soulmates are this one person that we are destined to be with until our dying day, the truth of the matter is that we have many soulmates not just one and when the universe is ready we meet them. However, we must be ready to embrace them and then unfortunately let them go.

[AnthonyLiccione]

"Most people give up finding their soul mate, and settle down to just having a flesh mate."

[leh]

I think when we are in a soulmate/meant-to-be relationship, we eventually, effortlessly, come back to each other even after really bad conflicts and turning away from the other (but never really able to go away). There's a gut feeling about them that they are the one, no matter the doubts. There is courage shown, and effort put into growth and learning, despite ourselves, if the relationship has to work. Both recognize this, and work towards it, since both want peace and for love to keep flowering ultimately. Conflicts do NOT mean both aren't meant to be. They could be our "shadow sides", our fears playing out. It could be because of having different styles/habits. They can all be worked out!

[anewloveofficial]

I dont believe in soulmates but I do believe that there are people who are meant to be part of our life not because we're destined for each other but sometimes they came to our life to teach us a life lesson and eventually that situation will lead us to finding the right one. We couldn't understand it at first but in the end we'll realize that everything has a purpose.

[Sugarskulls_forever]

You can be soulmates with someone, but sometimes life happens. Sometimes you won't work in this life, but perhaps in the next. That lady is so negative about love. She must've been so hurt at some point. I'm glad Vanessa keeps her composure and continues speaking in a positive manner.

[thomasgrabowski]

I've never believed in soul mates until I met this one girl. I won't mention her name but I know deep inside my soul we will meet again and we will be together.

[shellyortiz]

I cannot wait to meet my soulmate to feel the connections physical, mental spiritual the whole package.

[MBD]

I actually believe that if someone feels that they've found their soulmate this actually motivates them to fight for the relationship and give their all to make it work despite the difficulties. I know many people who believe in soulmates and none of them has the attitude described by Vanessa. If two people are soulmates that means they will always search for each other and fight for their love no matter what even if it seems impossible sometimes. The people who don't believe in soulmates and are like "Oh, there are thousands of people compatible with me" tend to give up way easier because why make the effort to fight for someone is there are many people who suit you just as well so you can just jump onto another?

[litawi]

I'm a "growth believer"! But I tend to run into "destiny believers" ALL the time!

[walkerskii]

That lady interviewing you can't talk about anything but divorce! Obsessed much?!

[JeremyBec]

We consider soulmates as an unique thing, but in my opinion you can meet many soulmates in your life. Soulmates come from the same soul family and they are souls which you've spent many many past lives with. A soulmate can be your friend, your father or even your son. Soulmates relationships aren't sunshine and rainbows. Your significant other might trigger you more often than you'd like but they're always doing it so you can grow. It differs from the usual relationships where the ego gets in the way, and you yell at each other in attempt not to get hurt but also to feel like you're superior. A soulmate will hurt you, but you will embrace it, because deep down you know you have to get hurt in order to grow and improve.

These relationships (not only romantic ones) are wonderful because soulmates are those who will help you grow the most. Sometimes a soulmate might tag along only for a few days or months, but you will always get back a lot stronger. You probably wont meet all your soulmates in this life, and not every soulmate is meant to stay with you forever. Your significant other aka the soulmate you're meant to share most of your life with, will only come when the time is right. You have to love yourself before you can meet this soulmate, else you will only attract karmic relationships until you learn the lesson.

If you read stories about people who met "their" soulmate a common factor is that most of them met him/her at the least expected moment and they didn't want to be in a relationship to start with. Most of them were content with theirselves, because when you truly love yourself 100% you don't need someone else to be happy. And that's exactly when soulmates get in your life. If you work on yourself and you realize you don't need another person to be whole, sooner or later you will meet your soulmate. It's when you stop looking for your soulmate than they just drop in your life, just like that. Just like anything else in life. Have you ever tried to remember something you're sure you know but you can't remember it and only when you stop trying, the answer gets to you naturally.

Scientists try to rationalize everything. Firstly most feelings that you get from your heart wont be descriptible with all the words that exist. Secondly a soulmate connection is something that is on another level, on a soul level. You just cannot explain it. Those who don't believe in soulmates and have to think thoroughly about their relationships didn't meet their soulmate. Because when you meet your soulmate, you just know and you can't explain it.

What's truly unique is your twin flame. But that's another story.

[natashanottingham]

My best friend is my soul mate. I love her but it’s never been romantic. We are so different yet so alike. We could talk for hours with no interruptions and still never get bored. I’ve only known her for a year and yet it feels like a lifetime. It just feels like we were meant to meet. We have both grown immensely with each other, learning new things about ourselves and the world. We will not be friends forever, and that is to be expected but I will forever cherish the time I spend with her.

[orionlynx.]

I am a “Destiny believer” but I think I’m starting to become a “Growth believer”. This has been really eye opening, thanks.

[lindseymarie]

Strange. I sound like a growth believer but the concept of “soulmates” has always been my exception.

[halfmoonyogi]

I understand what she is saying, but don't think it is all true. I believe my partner is my soulmate. We met and instantly clicked, and we both felt like we'd already known each other forever. Every day I become more and more convinced that she is my soul mate and that things happened in our lives to lead us to each other. On the other hand, this doesn't automatically mean that it is easy, and we still work hard to keep our relationship strong. I I think when you have that connection with someone you love, you work even harder in the relationship so you can grow together. In my opinion that is why you meet the people you meet. We all end up helping each other grow in some way. That soulmate mindset comes in when people assume that it will be easy and effortless like a fairytale.

[dakotablueskies]

Very mature perspective on how to weather the inevitable bumps we encounter after we find a “soulmate”. I love your work and your presentations, Vanessa. To think there will be a perfect forever fit with someone is setting yourself up for disappointment. Things change and you encounter challenges as life goes on. We have to start with a good “fit” and someone who sounds and smells right. You have to have an attitude of commitment to growth for things to work. I’m an older lady, have been there and look forward to diving back in.

[eagletmars]

It's hard to put into words:what a soulmate is. But all I can say is that when you know, you know. It doesn't have to be romantic, but there is an immediate feeling of 'feeling understood' on a deep, deep, level. Often this understanding is unspoken.