The Dangers of Oversharing

FURTHER READING

“We hear so much about the difficulties caused by those who cannot be intimate, who seem incapable of disclosing anything of what they genuinely feel, it can take time to register the opposite but no less grave problem: those who cannot keep enough of themselves to themselves, those whose hunger for closeness overwhelms their concern for their own safety, those who will, in a poignant bid to hold others’ attention, lay out – within minutes of a new encounter – secrets that they would have been wiser to take to the grave.
This isn’t to deny the fun that oversharers can bring to social life. These won’t be the types talking about the economic contraction or where they last went on holiday. Contact with other humans should be about getting to the marrow of things, they believe, which is why we will quickly get to hear about their ex’s sexual difficulty, the vicious row they had about their mother’s will, exactly how much they earn, the troubles they have with their digestion, their favourite bedroom position and the nature of an early childhood trauma…

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Hannah O’Brien

Title animation produced in collaboration with

Graeme Probert

oversharing, social media, boundaries, privacy, mental health, communication, relationships, self-awareness, self-love, personal growth, oversharing on social media, dangers of oversharing, how to set boundaries, the importance of privacy, emotional vulnerability, building healthy relationships, tmi (too much information), online safety, social anxiety, self-disclosure, how oversharing can hurt you, the psychology of oversharing, why we overshare on social media, setting boundaries in relationships, building healthy communication skills, protecting your privacy online, overcoming social anxiety, how to be more self-aware, tips for healthy self-disclosure, finding true connection online

[Four__Zero]

Oversharing has cost me relationships, not sharing enough has also cost me relationships. Its hard to find a balance

[businessworld]

“We share too much when we’ve been too lonely…”❤

[winterfawn]

It's hard when you have no family and have so much going on in life. It's hard when you have childhood trauma where you were neglected and or abused so you don't know what it's like to have a normal relationship with healthy boundaries. I write my thoughts down in what I call a prayer journal. Then I physically feel I've gotten the worries, anxieties and stress off my chest. So I don't overburden the few friends I have. ❤

[outabizness]

I am an over sharer. I share because I want to be best friends with the other person. Let them know that I am reachable and I care.
I share everywhere and everything. It has worked more against me than for me.
I want everyone to be friends with me and exchange thoughts and feelings.
Lol, I shared in this YouTube comment section.

[TheAaronJP]

As a psychologist, I'd argue that my clients find this the most difficult to change as many people easily fall into the extremes (either sharing everything or sharing nothing). There is unfortunately a need to engage in a lot of trial and error, but also a willingness to take risks. Unlearning unhelpful patterns from childhood can take a long time and hard work. However, growth is possible and sometimes we need a helping hand.

[jansimpson]

‘One of those very rare characters who deserves to hear’ - that’s the part it took me years to realize. My father once told me that if I ended up with one or two truly close friends in life I’d be doing well. I thought he was exaggerating - that notion sounded very bleak. But he was right.

[Job.Well.Done_]

The consequences of oversharing in life have made me share VERY LITTLE anymore.
I have found that people cannot resist sabotaging, manipulating, twisting, interfering with and destroying good things that others have- especially when jealousy is high.
Protect your life, sanity, relationships, belongings, finances, health, and opportunities at all cost.

At. ALL. COST.

I love you all.

[Thinker]

I personally don’t believe in ‘oversharing’. It seems like this is a motivation to foster even more of an alienating society, full of shaming and surface level interactions that only benefit those who have no depth themselves. Who cares if you tell me about how lonely or depressed you are, despite us not having a close relationship? Who cares about what’s ‘appropriate’ to a sociopathic society that victim blames, isolates vulnerability and looks down on people who are open books. I’ve had countless of interactions with random strangers where they’ve told me their life story which would fit this concept of ‘oversharing’ presented in this video. Never did I walk away feeling like they’ve done something inappropriate. In fact I was glad that as a mature adult that’s gone through many difficult experiences, I was able to make them feel seen for a moment because this was never about me to begin with anyway. Of course it is important to pick the people you trust, but that’s about your chosen company, not the concept of how much you share.

[Oblivinym]

Recently instead of trying to not over share, (if you tell yourself not to do a thing, you just wanna do that thing more), I've decided to play a game where I do my best to LISTEN as much as possible. In other words, to replace my impulse to gab endlessly with a directive to do something positive, not just to censor myself. It's worked beautifully. And it's made me more aware of lots.

[charthers]

When shame attacks try to understand and forgive yourself - it’s because you’re unwell, like sneezing and coughing uncontrollably when you’re sick

[niaselah]

I loved this perspective. It is a phase. A normal phase of a dysfunctional experience we didn't choose and had no escape for too long. It's not permanent. It's not a personal flaw. It's also not the problem. We should be able to share without fear. The problem is people using information to harm

[confuseduck]

never have i said " thank god i overshared"

[CourtneyCoulson]

I share everything and it's gotten me far in life. People love being around someone who is so open and truthful. Within hours of meeting me, a person will feel safe enough to open up. It's wonderful. I've always hated all these barriers people build up around themselves. And I'm not talking about boundaries, that's healthy. But building walls based on unfounded fear or shame is unhealthy. I've found most people want to be seen and understood and I'm privileged in that they choose to let me see them. It's a great honour and I hold their secrets dearly.

[SearchOfSelf]

I relate so much to this. I tend to overshare, and it's probably because I craved real connections as a kid but rarely got them. Now, I find myself spilling secrets too soon, hoping it'll lead to genuine intimacy, but often it just backfires. It's a tough habit to break

[Sam-deqx]

Overshare below;
Not talking hurts. Talking too much can hurt. Not having anyone to talk to at all most of the time makes it difficult to find the middle ground. I've overshared when my feelings have hit their breaking point. Didn't matter if it was a friend for ages or some recently got to know. Kept details vague enough and blurted everything out because I couldn't keep it in anymore. I seen eyes roll and jaws hit the floor and realised that we've crossed a certain point. Old friend give it a faithful listen and brush it off. The greener ones, seldom talk with me again... When trying to get into relationships, I was upfront and honest with everything. Because that's how I thought relationships are supposed to start. You lay it all out and if you both can match or agree you're golden. When you have been alone or been left alone and behind, somehow all or nothing became the default. What you see is what get.

[sawdakhan]

I overshared my feelings after my breakup with my closed ones, because I was lonely and wanting help, but believe me they took advantage of it and still it haunts me breaks me from inside

[notpugal]

I am suffering a lot because of oversharing. Once people know the vulnerable side of you, they won't take you seriously. They may disrespect you or they may use the things you told against you. It is hard not to overshare when you are a people pleaser. Set boundaries and don't cross that.

[SpinningTurtle]

I have the exact opposite problem and I appreciate this video because it made me realise that I shouldn't rush to the exact opposite side of the spectrum. It's about balancing being comfortable sharing and knowing when it's best to keep something to yourself, at least for the time being

[Kana-uxbg]

oversharing costed me many relationships and friendships

[wrxin]

I often find my oversharing is coupled with my ADHD and the impulsivity that comes with it. The desire to over share is often a compulsion to feel close to someone and, rather than thinking it over, I often share impulsively - only to hurt myself and burden those around me with facts that they themselves did not need to know.