How to Date Like You Had a NORMAL Childhood

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Childhood PTSD can make it almost impossible to form (and keep) healthy romantic relationships. More than most people, we tend to rush in, get overly intense emotionally, and then stay in bad situations because we're afraid to be alone.

People who had trauma in childhood CAN have good relationships, but sometimes we need a new approach.

In this video I give you a sneak peek into one of the most challenging (and controversial) lessons inside my new Dating and Relationships Course. Called "Structured Dating," it's a method that helps you be clear, conscious and courageous about who you date and how you date them. It helps you avoid bad relationships and save a space for a great relationship.
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[aryanahartwell]

These recommendations also go for friendships. I get too intimate too fast with everyone I meet. I act as if we’ve known each other forever and disclose way too much of my personal information almost immediately. Thanks for these insights.

[krisartfox]

1. know what you want in a partner
2. date and be ready for the person you want, let the people go you dont want
3. dont get too fast to intimate with the people you date
4. be cautious with having sex

[AugustAdvice]

This is soooo true. I craved emotional intimacy so much that I jumped into physical intimacy too fast and actually felt super uncomfortable in those "relationships" because I didnt give myself enough time to get to know them, and thus, thought there was something wrong with ME. Deep down, this is not how I wanted to go about dating, I wasn't always like that. I feel a lot healthier now. Last night I said to myself, "Do you think its possible someone can love you even with your anxiety?" & it actually made me cry. I released a lot of built up pain & feelings of being unlovable.

[alicerose]

In my youth it was usual to have sex with someone, then find out if you actually liked them. So holding off on sex is good advice. I suggested this to my daughter who made her longterm boyfriend wait 2-3 months to see if she liked him before they got beyond friends. It is delightful to see how confident and happy she is with him. Waiting really sorts the worthwhile from the players.

[inimolend]

As someone who had a nice childhood, I feel people with normal childhood are often also not okay with having sex and then being discarded. It's the dismissive avoidants (attachment style) who can do that. And perhaps there is a difference for women and men, women being the ones to bond more easily.
It's weird how we're being told that we should have sex with whoever we like and it has no bad consequences for us. I don't think it's the case for the majority.

[peacefulpath]

I waited 6 months before having sex with my last partner. We spent that time talking everyday, he was extremely patient, sweet etc but still he turned out to be a bad egg

[hisenseks]

Yeah, oversharing and rushing is actually bad for yourself, because you just don't know person and they know already much about you. I have this compulsive urge to share and then man think I'm stupid and try to manipulate me in just sexual relationships. There was times when I got trapped. But what helped me in dateing is to remeber- to not ignor my emotions. When I started to pay attention more on what I feel during interaction- it helped me, because desperation is closing eyes on all red flags.

[auroraborealis]

Your videos are really of public utility. You're answering questions I've had for years. Bless you

[DivingDonut]

Before watching: It involves leaving the house, doesn't it?

[gooddaytoyousir]

Still struggling to get into a relationship period. Affection, intimacy and love of any sort are not things Ive ever experienced before. At this point I'm just turning into a bitter and hateful person. I'm having success healing in other areas of my life but this one is the big barrier that keeps dragging me down.

[hallucinogen]

I’ve said this before on your videos but i really can’t get over how I wish I’d seen these in my teens and twenties... I feel like my life would have been so much less traumatic in the relationship department. Learned these things the hard way.

[chloe]

Does anyone else have the opposite problem and keep potential partners at a distance??

[mishkameow]

This was really validating. I had been doing structured dating (without calling it that) for many years, and it even resulted in my most meaningful relationship yet, which lasted 5 years! That said, we broke up for many reasons over a year ago, and ever since I've had a lot of set backs... the ambiguous loss of that relationship has re-activated many childhood attachment wounds and I feel like I've been stumbling around bleeding on every possible relationship I touch. This reaffirms for me I can, and really have to be, discerning to stay regulated and open to possibility.

[ChrisTian-rmzm]

I have felt ugly for most of my life. Unfortunately, it didn't help that people told me that it wasn't true. I literally defended the idea of being ugly. I now know that I did this to protect myself. At one point in my life, I gave up dating or hoping for a relationship. Only a few weeks this changed drastically. I met a young woman I fell in love with. I think it's extremely unlikely that she will return those feelings, but that's not the point either. All this long-suppressed longing for love suddenly breaks out of me. It is incredibly painful. Your videos help me understand me better. so much of what you say applies to me. I think there was at least one major trauma in my life, as I was hit by a car when I was seven and had to spend 3 months at hospital. I also come from a quite disfuncitonal family, as I had to see how my dad beat up my mom.

[jellyrcw]

You are 100% spot on with structured dating. The more space that the wrong relationship(s) takes up in our lives, the less space we have to give to to the right ones.

[leamubiu]

Less self-love blabber, more self-respect lessons ! <3 Learning to slow down and truly listen to oneself is so hard when we're desperate for relief.

[dogie]

Wish I had youtube back when I was starting out in life. 🙁

[andreadaerice]

I have been really enjoying your videos because I am not a person with CPTSD, but I have a ton of girlfriends who are. I seem to collect these beautiful, amazing, compassionate women who are extremely wounded and lonely. My husband and I often find ourselves being surrogate parents for these friends and we watch them cycle through really unhealthy relationships and traumas. I've never really known how to help...other than being a friend, but recently, I've started sharing your videos with them. I hope very much that they will watch and heal and find the happiness they deserve. You seem to have really dialed it in, and you are able to articulate your concepts in easy to understand ways. Wow, you are an angel! Or a fairy...but whatever, I can see that you are a force of GOOD in the world. Thank you for what you do.

[randyt]

Thank you for this! My wife of 21 1/2 years passed away in June of 2017 from brain cancer and I have been hesitant to re-enter the dating thing. I am taking master's classes (Liberty U.) to be a counselor and read about Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) which then led me to Childhood PTSD. Being a Vietnam veteran my wife always suspected that I was suffering from PTSD but whenever I took the test on the Veterans Administration website it came up negative but when I took the test from your website and scored rather high. My mother passed away when I was 6-years-old and my Dad married an evil woman who became my evil stepmother! I look forward to taking your online course. My next subterm starts on March 18th! I just met someone and am going to go out to dinner but from the initial chat with her, it sounds like she had a crappy childhood too!

[Dialyn]

I found you recently and have been binging your channel. You are hitting a deep spot within me that has been needing a voice. Thank you. God bless you. 🙏💗🙏