Why you’re always bored and unhappy

▼ Timestamps ▼
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00:00 - Introduction
02:55 - Happiness doesn't come from objects
05:03 - Comparison is not the ONLY thief of joy
07:19 - "Mindfulness" is a scam
10:09 - What is boredom?
13:19 - Mental illness
16:05 - How do we create happiness?
17:40 - Learn to tolerate boredom
19:43 - Lingering thoughts
21:17 - DO THE THING

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[ozkavoshdjalla]

Note to self: Meditation to focus on one thing, be bored more, stop ruminating thoughts by noticing, resolving.

[ellamedic]

Giving up social media was the best thing I have ever done. I no longer have to look at what people ate, where they went, all their powerfull and motivational quotes which only point to a mental crisis, all that nonsense out of sight out of mind. What a relief

[Koroistro]

I have ADHD and the "not enjoying games you think you should enjoy" is a daily experience. I came to realize that my mind not being able to be in the moment is what robs me of the enjoyment of the game.
The "opportunity cost evaluation" my mind does is always active, part of my mind focuses on what I could be doing instead of being on what I am doing, this takes away my ability to enjoy what I am doing.

[weaviejeebies]

This is part of the reason I feel so happy in an ADHD hyperfocus. Once I realize an activity is giving me the rare full tank of dopamine, and that yes, I am going to do this without getting tired and distracted, I'm going to have no overlapping thought processes, and the constant feeling of being a failure is going to shut up for once, the "I" disappears and there's just the flow.

[jakejulian]

Is this why doom scrolling is so bad? You can never have a one-pointed mind when you’re constantly moving to the next topic after 60 seconds or less

[Pinsleepe]

Protip from me. I adopted two kittens and they are so carefree I envy that. Anyway Bestia (it means beast in Polish) comes to me, jumps into my arms and cuddles. At first I was like I can't do anything now so may be I will watch a video or whatever. But now I try to be fully in that experience. A kitten chose me, wants to cuddle with me so I should fully focus on that and enjoy the time together. No phone, no computer, no distractions. And if you know cats you know it's not me who decides when it's cuddle time.

[MinkWumpf]

The part with "watching shows while eating" caught me off-guard. But i decided to pause this video and minimized all windows until i was finished and thoughts came in from everywhere.

But there was one thought i focused on and it was how grateful i am to be able to eat something like this and drink water just by grabbing a bottle. This is a privilege.

[garlik]

Dr K got diffrent vibe in this video. He is becoming free and wild

[Darv]

Lingering thoughts also come from past regrets as they creep in during boredom.

[randomhobbygenerator]

Dr. K, this is the first comment ever I made on a Youtube post. I have been watching Youtube since before it was feasible to view video on the internet and always thought posting was a waste of time. I bought your book after being inspired to find more about myself (the book was how to raise a healthy gamer), why I was so unhappy, what is wrong with myself and why my marriage is failing. You have done wonders spreading the word of the idea of self improvement, self reflection and understanding of why people act the way they do and how people affect you as a person. It really is me that I have control of, I have agency and ultimately, I have figured out the key of happiness is within ourselves. I've learned so much over the years since I first watched one of your videos. This one is great. I long suspected that me being obtuse and isolating myself in things that lose myself in has sheltered me. Maybe I thought it was a self-hack. The truth was I was trying to make myself happy in anyway possible. Of course my ADHD dopamine addicted brain prioritized having fun over other things, but it is seriously how I got through some incredibly tough times. I am now learning more about myself and how my behavior affects other people and visa versa, have a much better time learning how to work with my ADHD symptoms. You are awesome. I felt this was the best way to say thanks, hoping other people will see it and you get more attention. That you're not full of bullshit. The stuff you put out is worth gold.

[radiationgeneration]

Honestly probably going to be one of the most important videos of 2025 on this platform

[hayleycolleen]

I have a nearly 5 year old son and I have been so strict on screen time and it’s been HARD. (He’s never had an iPad etc) but now he’s older I can see how much benefit this has had on his ability to not only concentrate and be imaginative but also the screen don’t have power over him at all.

[Sundji]

That kind of fractured mind is exactly my experience with ADHD. Very rarely am I ever completely focused on one thing. I always have something else going on in my head. The only activities that consistently lead to focus are music production and highly competitive video games. This experience also leads me to use cannabis because, while high it seems like whatever I'm doing is the most important thing ever. My curiosity about the activities I engage in while high feels limitless. I can go down rabbit holes of seemingly innocuous topics and come out the other end with a greater appreciation for that thing and the world. I can't figure out how to feel that way during everyday life

[lollekompolle]

I'm a writer. Boredom is my livelyhood. Without boredom the mind cannot get truly creative. Because for creativity the mind needs to be able to wander freely and it cannot do that when it's occupied with something. So what I'm doing is to intentionally bore myself with absolute inactivity until some interesting ideas start to sprout. Boredom isn't bad, it's how you deal with it that matters.
Aha! I started typing early while the video was still running. Luckily you addressed this! I needed to learn how to tolerate boredom. I would even argue that being bored with something that we do is very different from actual boredom. I'd call it dissatisfaction. Because when we do something, which we expect will make us happy, we will have our expectation shattered if it's not. Which in my book is something very different from actual boredom. Yes we're saying some things are boring, or at least we're taught to do so. I don't call activities boring anymore; I call them unsatisfying.

[funygameur]

I have been experiencing this altered state of mind lately for longer than ever before. It feels surreal, I was close to saying to my psychologist that it seemed to be a super power just yesterday !
Only two years of (good) psychoterapy, getting out of home, trying, failing, seeking courage, keeping at it.

Stay strongs brothers,
Keep trying.

[GeorgeDimovelis]

For the lasts few months ive had to take the train every week to move between cities. I travel for about 2 hours, and i usually do nothing in the train but just look out the window without music. Ive noticed that the night i come home after taking the train, im a lot more present and social, and feel less anxious. Boredom is such a powerfull tool.

[Shannendetro]

I think what Dr. K said about mindfulness actually being mindlessness really hits home when you watch Alan Watts illusion of ego video. a quote I like from him is “when all you do is think, you have nothing to think about but thoughts themselves “

[nettinoo]

YES! I was diagnosed with ADHD in 2022 but I feel that nobody gets it at all. I was just saying this to my father the other day in that I feel like I need to learn the skills to be happy because I cannot remember a time where I was actually happy even when I think I probably should have been based on what was going on in my life when nothing was wrong. I just can never feel satisfied. There is always this anxiety that stops me feeling peace and contentment in any given situation and to be happy even for a moment I have to achieve such great things and then that feeling passes fast and im back in the pit of worrying about something else. It's not that I am negative or want to be negative. I am actually postively driven and optimistic about life but it's just this worrying approach and doing this internal risk assessment of everything that makes me feel so stressed all the time.

[rtsmrty]

This is so real. My happiness has increased dramatically because I completed those things that would linger on my mind. I take Nepali language classes because in my mind, I always thought, "I need to learn Nepali(my husband's native language)". The cost of Nepali lessons is a bargain if it means I will have more happiness! ढन्यवाद

[pattyd-teaches-bjj]

22:40 “goal attainment does not create happiness. But for happiness that is already existent, non-pursuit/avoidance of a goal can shatter that happiness.” (Paraphrased) I’ve experienced this in the middle of a euphoric state of prayer and meditation where I realized I MUST get up and start pursuing the extrinsic thing I’m desiring rather clinging to my intrinsic positive emotions. Thank you for this great message Dr. K! One-pointedness is such a useful way of thinking about happiness that I’d never considered.