The Lies of the Unsuccessful Narcissist #shorts

[cathygoltsoff]

Exactly ! I fell for this when I was younger. I am now a happy successful person, perhaps not in a traditional way. I find happiness in simple things: work, playing musical instruments, family, friends and pets, nature and exercise.

[thelocalmaladroit]

These shorts have a more up close and personal feel to them almost like we’re sitting next to you and have a conversation.
Thanks, Doc, enjoy your weekend!

[TonEva]

Yes and they blame all their failures on someone else.

[mjstow]

Honesty is the best policy. I always tell potential partners that I'm a total screw-up and failure. While I hope they admire my honesty, as a chat-up line it always seems to fail.

[mildredpierce]

I love Dr. grandes mental health shorts. He’s educating us on the different types of personalities. And before long we will have enough knowledge to becoming armchair therapists

[graceandglamor]

The narcissist I dealt with told me he was the youngest man to be inducted into the US Special Forces. So when you used “secret military unit” as an example—I can definitely confirm that.

[Earthbound]

My mom was a Borderline with
"narcissistic tendencies". Once, when I was in Jr. high school, she showed up at my principals office with a 💼 briefcase chained to her wrist, claiming she was a diplomat
(or something) . The constant embarrassment almost did me in.

[bowtoyoursensei]

I dated someone EXACTLY like this. The lies were constant and just as described. Always an excuse.

[michaeljordan]

There are a lot of narcissists among us. I also think current American culture & social media can promote these tendencies

[Singinbluebird]

Loving the colored background lights Dr Grande !

[valeriejean]

The few times I brought up military service he might of had, he would not talk about it. To this day don't know, but we're divorced now. I wish I had known this years ago.

[EyesOnIlia]

My father would tell women he was an FBI agent...I found out about a year ago another one of his assault victims... she never called the cops because she was too scared. She now knows the truth.

[Alkis]

Come on doc, don't stop there. I was taking notes

[patriciatoomingtheplantpar]

My X was dating a woman, and she asked why he never took her to his place, he told her it wasn't up to her standards, it was just a little dump of a place.
NO, NO it wasn't!
I WAS THERE‼️

[raksrulesaks]

Dr Grande, thanks so much for this wonderful and informative short! I didn’t even know this was a thing but now it’s really helping me see life super differently!

God I knew people like this at my university! I happened to go to an Ivy League and many folks at my school (especially premed) exhibited these traits. It used to be so difficult because once you befriended one of those folks (not knowing obviously that they were narcissistic) that friendship solely revolved around them. If they mentioned their successes, I remember I would sometimes ask for more info, because I wanted some advice of what to do with my life. Immediate deflection, gaslighting, “do you not trust me?”, the like. I don’t know if this too is a trait, but in every situation this person would twist the words of the folks around them to always come out the victim (a pathological liar).

Eventually after calling them out two or three times (like I said, I’d never dealt with someone like this till college) they turned their claws on me. Bizarre lies to make me look awful, convincing folks not to talk to me, isolating me so until I stopped pointing out she was lying about everything (I didn’t because it was super harmful what she was doing. She was trying to convince me to pay the total rent for an apartment, around ~$4000 a month). She was jobless but trying to convince us all she had this super exclusive position at the local hospital and blah. It was so obviously not real and yet she had this convincing grip over my other friends! And the reason I knew it wasn’t real is bc I called the hospital about this “position” to see how I could work towards it- I really wanted to get a clinical position at the time!

The manipulation reached another universe in the month of April. A requirement of my university was to be vaccinated for COVID and while I was at home they still enforced the rule. I had gotten super sick after my first vaccination (I always get sick after getting vaccinated, since my immune system isn’t that great) and I had told this person and my other friends to leave me be after my second shot, knowing it was going to be WAY WORSE than the first. I went and got my shot, and within 2 hours, I’m delirious from fever (pretty sure I was at 102 if I remember right… that’s the point where I’m usually in Telly tubby world when I have a fever). My mom, dad, and brother were all watching over me, giving me soup and Mac n cheese (the usual stuff whenever I’m not well… as a family it’s just tradition to make sure everyone is okay) and so I was starting to feel a little better. Around 10 pm that night my phone was starting to ring with texts. So I put my phone on do not disturb so I could fall asleep. There’s a way to bypass do not disturb mode: by repeatedly calling. And so at midnight, my phone RINGS and I am assuming it’s an emergency- what friend would knowingly disturb someone they know isn’t well after a vaccine? A narcissist. She had taken my other friend who was meant to be a third roommate and convinced her I wasn’t actually sick, I was just avoiding talking and so the two of them gang up on me, trying to force me to sign a lease on a place I’ve never heard of, putting only my parents are guarantors, trying to make me put the down payment on the place. I was sick as a dog, achey and feverish as hell, but I was somehow lucid enough to get angry. And I said that if this is how I was going to be treated, that I was out. The narcissist claimed that she had told me about the place, lied that I had always said I was going ti pay for everything (I never did) and kept saying how great a roommate she’d be because of her amazing exclusive position and blah blah blah. I hung up the phone in the middle of the speech and texted them both that I was no longer interested in rooming with them.

You know how a narcissist hates being questioned? She couldn’t stand that I had just done that. And for weeks she continued to text me, trying to convince me it was my other friend’s idea. BS. But the two of them wouldn’t stop texting me. She called me one day in late May, trying to convince me again that it was all my other friend’s idea, that she felt bad and blah. The things I wanted to hear after all this time. So I asked if I’d be able to bring this convo up in the gc just to ask why the confrontation happened the way it did. She was like “omg ofc, I’ll back you up and blah blah blah”. I assumed she’d grown a conscience bc again, I’d never dealt with a person like this.

So I open the gc up, and ask if we could schedule a time to ft, to clear the air, talk about what happened, and try and sort out why I was confronted so cruelly. Immediately a text from the narcissist saying that she had no idea what I was talking about, that they did a great job, and the lies about how I’d already known about the place and blah. Oh I got angry. I was lied to, being gaslit to believe I never had a conversation my own brother was witness to. I then said “Blank you’re a pathological liar. You talked to me, you agreed with me, you stated you NEVER told me about the cost, the place, none of what you’re claiming” and then said that if this is what my efforts to talk would be like I’m done. I walked away from the friendship then and there. And there the narcissist went playing the victim. She told our mutual friends a messed up version of the truth, resulting in them unfriending me. She blocked me on my socials, and was doing the woe is me thing. I tried contacting her once, trying to understand what I had done to deserve her lying to everyone I thought was a friend. Nothing.

I was isolated and alone this summer, losing because I befriended this monster. And yet I’m glad I called her out. And if those people I called friends believed her lies, that’s on them. The good news: she was never accepted to medical school, likely bc everything she ever said was fake. The “friends” who all stuck by her all ended up just sitting and doing nothing. There was karma in the end.

This person was just one example of the unsuccessful narcissist I encountered at my school. But the number I found was staggeringly high! And until today I didn’t realize there was a term for a person like that- thanks again for educating me Dr Grande!

[StoicismDigest]

100% explaining what I witnessed... Now I get it better. Thx

[niccolleonlyone]

I love these shorts! My ex use to tell girls he was in movies or he was a firefighter, he also has a naval tattoo and has never served (his father did), he has legally changed his name a couple times and use to say his name was something completely different than even the ones he changed it to. I believe he was a narcissistic sociopath, he showed very little emotion, he never laughed or smiled, he was extremely devious and malicious, and when I tried to leave him he began tearing my whole life apart and stalked me, he went to jail for 7 months for it and a few times a year he still tries to reach out. I could go on and on about this man, I have learned so much from Dr Grande, but one of the biggest lessons I learned was zero engagement with this man. Thank you Dr for all your insights!

[Watchoutforsnakez]

This is 100% SPOT ON. My ex said things like “I’m self employed and set my own schedule”(That’s why I’m not at work in the middle of the week and sleep in every day also I can’t hold a job or get along with other men) “I spend my money on travel and live debt free” ( I’m still very poor in my mid fifties and haven’t left the states for many years. No credit cards because I have bad credit and can’t prove my income. as a teen I Backpacked and stayed in hostels in Europe. I currently go to Mexico a lot because I can walk across border. I don’t have a drivers license or passport because I owe a ton of child support)

[cottontails]

Thank you Dr Grande. That was a brilliant teachable one.

[elainearchibald]

Happy to hear this Dr. Grande, gives us insight to what to watch out for.