Autism and Making Friends

Looking back on my own experience as an autistic having trouble making friends and maintaining relationships.

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[karlarobles]

sometimes it’s like, are we friends yet? are we almost friends? and how do i act accordingly?

[LilChuunosuke]

I have never made a friend on my own. I've always made friends by being introduced to them by someone else.
Maintaining relationships is so exhausting to me. Even just sitting on a couch, watching tv, and chatting with friends for a few hours can leave me bedridden for half a day.
Making neurotypical friends can feel so overwhelming. They often want to do lots of different high energy events multiple times per week. I simply cannot handle that. When I suggest things that are more low energy and within my comfort zone, they either dismiss those things as boring or make no effort to hide how little they are enjoying themselves.
As much as I would love more friends and support structure, I know that the people who understand me and are willing to accomodate my needs are few and far between. Most people find me boring and emotionally distant. But this is just who I am.

[unityandpeace]

My adult son has autism and has no friends. He is so lonely and it is heartbreaking seeing this because he is such a good man. He works and comes home. I don’t know how to help him.

[alexnewby]

I have 1 friend, who actually has a social life. And I feel guilty asking them if they want to hang out, because I don’t want them to have to neglect that for me… so 95% of my free time is spent at home, or alone in coffee shops, or on the internet.

Its not healthy but I’m definitely afraid of taking too much, and that for me is what stops me from making new connections

[maryberry]

Relatable! I have no friends too as a female! I do think its even trickier with women.
In high school I felt like the friends befriended me and I never really tried. but I wasn't able to maintain them or grow closer. Then later when I didn't have friends I told myself I didn't want friends until eventually I realized I was lonely and really did want them, then trying for the first time in my late 20s was painful and always a I need a cat too because my best friend was a cat when I was a kid. Thanks for the relatable content!

[ChristopherLaw-qvou]

To be honest making friends for me as an autistic person myself is like trial and error like going for a bet in the casino.

[SEACrocodile]

I have no friends and my father use it to discourage me. Everytime I did something good and people praised me my father said "He has no friend". Like it wasn't bad enough already for myself. Turns out my father was a covert narcisist .

[supremajullibeama]

I very much relate to the part where your friends leave you without notice or a specified cause

[videoormore]

We fail to gather ourselves together in community like normal peopel do because of how socially degraded we become interracting with these normals. They dont want us around, so we have to band together, and never look back ❤

I had an old friend group and we were all autistic, but life and circumstances pulled us apart. I had gotten into alcoholism, and they disagreed with this but wouldnt say a word. Now i dont talk to any of them, and had to understand why we separated alone.

We need to work on these social skills more, and we have to work with eachother, othersise we will remain alone.

[Essy]

Autism is a condition that is seldom understood and can easily be misinterpreted by society, although rather than being interpreted as a disability, it could also be embraced as a gift and a condition in which the mind is simply wired a little differently. The way I would describe being on the spectrum is similar to being a foreigner trying to assimilate into a new culture, in which there is a language barrier and you have not yet adapted to a set of customs others seem to understand.

Since you are not native to the unfamiliar land in which every person is able to easily communicate and understand certain norms with no barriers, you are perceived as an oddity when you bring a different perspective to the setting that is not widely accepted. In a more compassionate world however, just as we would try to make said foreigners feel welcome and a part of our culture, we should attempt to do the same with those who have autism and take the time to embrace their quirks and the unique things they can offer.

Just as we would take the time to make a person who is not native to our culture feel welcome, we should treat those on the spectrum in a similar way and acknowledge that, just as our neurotypical counterparts, we have the same need to be loved and find a sense of belonging.

[kuibeiguahua]

Randomly losing friends is hard. I always respect people’s boundaries when they say bye so if people are trying to fake out to feel important it’s gonna be a bust

[melonylove]

i struggle so much with makign real friends i can connect with. even with being told how to speak to people i just cant seem to understand how to do it. at this point ive kind of given up on making friends it just feels like a constant cycle of exhaustion and misunderstandings and awkwardness and i cant do that anymore. its so hard

[serenediipity]

i'm not sure if i'm autistic but i can absolutely relate to the sentiment of preferring online friends. i really only ever hung out with my irl friends at school and nowhere else, maybe getting invited to one or two small parties a year. i was always jealous of ppl who had a tight-knit friend group that hung out in-person practically every weekend because it was something i never had. over time i've just gotten used to it and realized my preference for online friendships isn't bad!

[JimmyJaxJellyStax]

I'm convinced that higher functioning autism quite frankly doesn't require as much social connection for survival as a neurotypical mind would - something advantageous in solitary survival such as exploration of new lands and research. Deeply locked away in the research of a life's work for weeks, not requiring those casual social outtings every so often - maybe once a month to fulfill this need. Who knows lol, certainly feels that way in my experience.

[patriciacifra]

I have no friends no matter what I do.

[ione-swuz]

recently i've been going through a lot cuz i don't know how to make friends, but what made feel more miserable, was the fact that i don't know how to keep them by my side, cuz is so hard for me to addapt to different people, and i just don't understand them but i try my best so they like me, but i just end up not being myself and yeah... it's so confusing and it makes me hate myself, but after hearing you and realising that i'm not the only one; gives me hope, so thank you for making this video <33 also my english is not that good, so sorry if there are mistakes

[ruthhh.m]

walking in a room, I can instantly spot people who are in the "typical" category of making friends/friend-groups and I can also spot the people like me. We all have the same facial expression and body language in the room: focus, slight apprehension, looking around mildly amused and bewildered at everyone having "organic fun" and occasionally hovering outside of people-clusters trying to figure out how to insert ourselves and just hoping someone initiates the convo that brings us in 😂 if this is you, hi you're not alone

[livinginthepines]

I think it's because our idea of what a friend is and what friendship means is a lot deeper than what "average" people view them as. Most "friendships" I have seen, been a part of, or can see currently are not healthy and wholesome relationships. If anything they limit personal growth. I'm sure there are healthy friendships out there but they are a rarity. I've also realized that most people don't want to see the good in others and want to minimize the bad. And people who have tons and tons of friends are the fakest people with no actual personality. Just many personalities they put on for whoever they are with in the moment. I know my mind doesn't work that way. What you see and hear is what you get from me. And I'm not afraid to point out when people are acting in a hurtful or mean way. You lose a lot of friends that way but you find out who you really are when you can stay true to yourself. I also lost all my female friends after I lost weight and started looking and feeling good. Then my male friends started being awkward around me. People want you to stay in the place that works best for them. Not you. You and God are your only true friends in this life usually. In my mind this is the order of importance: God is #1, You are #2, Loved Ones (animals included) are #3, Strangers are #4 if you have the energy & compassion for them. For me this varies. Some days I do not and need to stay away from others.

[ValerieHernandez-yemw]

Thank you for making this video. I feel the same about cats.

[MartinDlabaja]

Yeah ... and also ... I never know if I act "too friendly" and can never tell where is the boundary. Confusing af.