FAWNING: AM I BEING TOO NICE?

*FOR MORE INFORMATION ONLINE COURSES AND FREE CHECKLIST:

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Please check out my courses (LINK ABOVE):

1. BORDERLINE AND NARCISSISTIC PARENTS: HEALING AND DEALING WITH YOUR TRAUMA

(*This course is designed specifically for you if you were raised by parents who had Narcissistic, Borderline or significantly Emotionally Immature parents.)

2. RE-MOTHERED: TRANSFORM YOUR WOUNDED INNER CHILD INTO AN INTERNALIZED, LOVING "MOTHER"

(***This course is designed to help you learn to heal your inner child AND your inner parent if you experienced a complicated childhood or challenging relational wounds).

3. IDENTIFYING CHILDHOOD EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND NEGLECT (FREE COURSE)

CHECKLIST IS INCLUDED IN ALL 3 COURSES!!**

xo

* Additionally, I am only able to work with California residents (due to state licensing and insurance requirements for myself) for weekly therapy once available. If you are interested, please also add in a few brief details in your email including your reasons for seeking treatment, current diagnoses, concerns, etc.

[TheAprilbettiepage]

Then some of us grow up to be professional caregivers

[Paul]

I can tell you we are sitting ducks for manipulation by others, too.

[realhealing]

I made so many sacrifices that didn't benefit me as a child and as an adult. I was a people pleaser to stay safe in my narcissistic family system. It's so important to ask why you are doing something. To check in with your own feelings. I am finally protecting myself. It's ok for me to make decisions that are for me. Self-care isn't selfish.

[chuck]

Yes, I understand completely! The child' s identity gets lost in the mixed messages they received. They have trouble expressing and communicating their feelings. Maybe the Narcissistic mother, never even asked what the child wanted yet or needed. They become invisible and none existed. So, they end up becoming what everyone else wants. Talk about becoming void of all feelings, difficulties with being intimate. The beginning of the Imposter Syndrome and False Self. The Dismissive Avoidant has lost his whole self. All the dam therapy in the world will ever undo the pathetic trauma. Believe me! Talk is cheap.

[LadyGoddessSephiroth]

I'm worried I fawn. I I talked about this with my friend this morning. When someone I love is distressed I automatically want to "fix" it. I'm working on being emotionally supportive. I ask "What do you need from me emotionally? What can I do? How can I help?" Clarification helps me to adjust the type of support that I give people and stops me from giving them energy I do not have.

[Nitsirk-tcsj]

Having an undiagnosed Narcissistic BPD Mother, I feel like I've come so far in learning who I am and developing my own opinions since moving out. Though, I still struggle with creating/upholding my boundaries and saying "no." I also really struggle with being afraid of hurting other people's feelings. In social situations, I jump into this mode of wanting to ensure everyone is having a good time. I'll become over-accommodating and crack jokes. If someone doesn't seem happy, I automatically think it's my job to lighten the mood. It's crazy because I recognize this happening in the moment, but it's such a knee-jerk reaction. Sometimes I feel powerless to stop it and end up with feelings of resentment (mostly towards myself). 🙄

[LonerWolf]

This fawning thing mostly happens to the innocent girls who have no idea about what they dealing with and no droplet of support to help them redeem themselves from their miserable life.. I feel bad for them to be honest.. I feel more bad about them because if you consider a boy.. he will make his way out if he want to basically through anger.. and it's most likely to be happen.. but from a cultural standpoint.. girls are not allowed to be anger towards unfairness..

[BecomeConsciousNow]

This is definitely me! The thing is, I consciously remember as a child deciding to play the fawning role in order to bring peace and harmony into an extremely chaotic environment. And I said to myself that when I am older I'll start looking after me. However, after fawning for so long it's very difficult to break the habit and putting myself first feels very awkward and strange. I'm slowly learning to feel ok with the awkward emotions I feel when I disappoint people by putting myself first and saying no. It can feel very uncomfortable but as you said you need to get used to feeling uncomfortable in order to change.

[BJ-mbug]

I had a seizure due to taking Wellbutrin in high school- and after that- I was no longer as depressed, and- I was no longer fawning. So much so, that family would say: “Wow. Tell me how you REALLY FEEL?” :) But! As an adult, I was totally okay with fixing everyone who needed help. —But an a middle aged adult- and in therapy… no more fixing others. Gotta fix me, and they gotta fix them. Great video!

[elysegambino]

This is so thoroughly me. I never connected the exhaustion from over-pleasing and the disappointment in running out of time/energy for the things I really wanted to do. I this content is such a guide and gift!

[aniE]

This reminds me so much of my mother in-law. I wish she could see that it's ok to take care of herself and not be rushing around trying to do everything for everyone else.

[dianeyoung]

I gave up so much of my self esteem fawning until one day the rug got pulled out from under me in my mid-forties and it made me look at my life and relationships in the hard light of reality and not as I hoped they would someday be. I realized that my behavior was only keeping in place a dynamic that would always make me feel disempowered. I still fawn sometimes and catch myself. I still try to find a balance.

[allwellandgood]

Wow this is literally how I have gone through my whole life until recently. I am finally beginning therapy this week, thanks to the insights and awareness you have given me through your content the last couple of years. Thank you for what you do, you are beyond amazing 🙏❤❤

[ladylaurenia]

I don't have PTSD but relate to this.

[CandaceWebb]

This uncomfortably describes me. Thank you for your videos that help us to understand our patterns and guide us to doing the healing work.

[CrystalMouse]

It’s how I channel my anger. Cuz anger feels dangerous

[pamdenman]

I really appreciate the caring and compassionate way that you discuss those deeply emotional situations that have plagued so many of us. Thank you!

[contentedspirit]

Yep, learned that very early and became a nurse. Worked in Open Heart ICU, helped my husband through his 3rd and 4th balve replacement. Then after having to leave die to latex allergy, he decided he wanted a divorce. He literally told me he didn't need me anymore because i didn't have the contacts and professional importance he needed. He became a different person. I became disabled with rheumatoid arthritis and other autoimmune conditions around the age of 50. My kids are in therapy for cPTSD even now 15+ years later. This video definitely describes my life.

[angieh]

New subscriber here. You’re literally describing me with each of these characteristics yikes! I didn’t even know what fawning was until recently. Thank you for opening my eyes to this.

[marcrichard]

Wow Dr. Kim is so pretty….also has a beautiful spirit….😊