Do open relationships work? Psychologist discusses non-monogamy & Jada Pinkett Smith's infidelity

Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith have long been rumored to have an open relationship. Their relationship faced more external scrutiny after August Alsina confirmed a past romantic relationship with Jada. In this video, I react to Jada's infidelity, discuss the concept of non-monogamy / open relationships, and give my perspective on how and when they make sense / can work.

Please leave comments below. Do you agree with my view/perspective?

**Please remember to like and subscribe**

#nonmonogamy #openrelationship #willandjada #marriage
_____
RESEARCH DISCUSSED:
1) Forrest Hangen, Dev Crasta, Ronald D. Rogge. Delineating the Boundaries between Nonmonogamy and Infidelity: Bringing Consent Back Into Definitions of Consensual Nonmonogamy With Latent Profile Analysis. The Journal of Sex Research, 2019;

2) Jessica Wood, Serge Desmarais, Tyler Burleigh, Robin Milhausen. Reasons for sex and relational outcomes in consensually nonmonogamous and monogamous relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 2018; 35 (4): 632
_____
Twitter: @Lead_X_Design
____

[Mike]

Interesting and rather narrow minded perspective. Interesting that nobody talks about cheating/adultery as a common risk and reason for failure of monogamous relationships. It seems unbalanced claiming only non-monogamous relationships introduce any risk. Definitely a cultural bias presented here.

[rebeccab]

I have been married for 12 years, we fall in the millennial, mid/high income/white demographic and this was actually a discussion at the very beginning of our relationship. It became very clear that we both had the expectation of open communication, dedication, respect and MONOGAMY.
The work we put in, creates the rewards we receive. I will never understand putting in time and effort with someone else. I feel like it would be taking away that sense of partnership and intimacy I have with my husband by spreading it around. I would rather one person have all of me ( the good, the bad, the emotional), know me as deeply/profoundly as a person can and give them the same gift.

[terrijones]

Been married 20 years, we have 2 sons and the thought of dealing with another male is the least appealing thing in the world. I’m too tired. So it’s good that we’re happy as is.

[lieseljones]

I was in a monogamous marriage. In the beginning we talked about polyamory after a few years we tried polyamory. I met lots of polyamorous people who became my very good friends. They all told me how much they loved the lifestyle and how it worked for them. But i never actually saw a healthy polyamorous relationship. My marriage fell apart. Honestly, I still get panic attacks thinking about the polyamorous life i lived for a minute. I still believe happy healthy polyamorous relationships are possible, but I have never seen or experienced one.

[helterskelterevery]

I’ve been in a non-monogamous relationship for nearly 25 years now. I’m married and I find that an open relationship has added a whole lot to my marriage (personally). What I’ve gained from the experiences have far outweighed any cons- otherwise it would have stopped years ago.
Part of what “makes it work” for us were the incredibly strict rules I established from the start. Rules are a VITAL part of any open relationship. Each party needs to know what to expect going in and you can’t break those rules, otherwise you may as well be single. Open relationships aren’t for most people, but it’s worked for us.

[lindaburns]

Ok, my 30yr marriage ended because my EX wanted to bring others in to our bedroom and was making arrangements with a guy from his work place to participate. Yeah, this was a major source of tension. For the past 10yrs thru counseling I have tried to understand where these behaviours came from???? Oh, thru porn that's right, really destructive.. BTW, none of this was ever suggested for the first 26years of our marriage then the bomb dropped. So, just like Dr Dave is suggesting, very important, DONT even suggest such absurdities unless you are willing to risk your marriage to end.

[ryanadams]

6:20 You assert that what non-monogamous people are feeling is lust. This assumes that non-monogamous people are essentially swingers and ignores the concepts of polyamory (close intimate relationships with more than one partner) and polygamy (more than one spouse).

[AfterCoffeeWithJess]

I've been quite enjoying this channel

[sarahbarnwell]

I really enjoy your content. Thank you for what you do!

[notinadequate]

Are we just gonna ignore Dr David’s choice of T-shirt for this video?

[CrashTestingAudio]

You’re no more likely to be happy in one or the other because happiness is from within - your self-esteem isn’t defined by your sex love when you are whole and healed from past traumas.

[littletonlegal]

1. I love that your shirt is on brand. It also makes me hungry for empanadas.

2. I generally agree with your perspective and think it would apply in my own life. It is certainly valuable advice to work on deepening connections in your existing relationship instead of looking for a quick fix outside of it (in any number of ways).

I am curious if you think and/or if research reflects any differences for partners comprised of individuals whose sexuality or gender is more fluid? Also, is there a generational shift because behaviors are evolving or do we just have more data in a social media / dating app world?

[mrooz]

Hi David. Newly subscribed and learning your channel. Is novelty seeking enforcing non-monogamy? As you said, albeit the limited data, it’s more prevalent among highly educated upper-mid class, hinting they are in a group where there are more number of individuals with higher IQs. Novelty seeking is said to be one divining force behind homosexuality and drug use as well.

[oophelia]

Opening up your relationship is a big step towards divorce. A friend of mine did this, and not surprisingly, divorce followed.

[penelopeav]

All in all open relationships are BS. Immature games for immature people.

[HUNTERhunted]

You're missing one thing. Trust is built over time. Once it has been established wholeheartedly by both parties, only then could you start to open the relationship.

[Channelsettings]

Can the fantasy just remain a fantasy in your head I do believe being yourself in the beginning of the relationship is very important that way you know what you're dealing with and there's no bomb drops during the relationship communication and respectfully giving your opinion to your significant other is important talking about things without getting angry and upset or jealous get into no one another is very important you should be able to talk to your partner about anything anything whether it be fantasy or romantically learn to enjoy one another because life sucks at times and you need someone when times are hard not just when you're feeling sexually so I say this enjoy one another because life's going to get rough and you need a partner to understand you when you need someone to talk to it's not always about sex remember that we're going to get old and that too will get old.., I'm 35 by the way

[motaile]

too many people try to open a relationship to date more than 1 partner without even learning to communicate and respect the 1 person they're with. Then blame non-monogamy, instead of their ignorance, as the problem. Learn how to be with yourself first, then with another person, then open to non-monogamy if everyone agrees. I also strongly disagree with your interpretation as non-monogamy solely as a vehicle of obtaining novel, exciting sex. Intimacy with other people is not explicitly sexual, and sex can be part of various forms of love, not just romantic love. You end this video with the apparent dichotomy: yes, sex with people other than your long term partner will be super fun, but is it worth not being able to improve your relationship with your long term partner? Which just sounds typically ignorant and glib. You should talk to people of integrity and maturity in polyamorous relationships and understand their experiences, before giving advice on them.

[Angelos]

Long term monogamy doesn't work Divorce rates show this. I hope that one day you the psychologists will understand this.

[maralinemanahan]

Monogamy is sooo hard yet polygamy is hard but more easier then Monogamy. What makes monogamy so hard ? 1. Being exclusive 2. Restricts Choices and options 3. The quantity of Jealousy in monogamy Is higher than polygamy