“I make 10x my husband’s income. Will we ever feel equal?”

Ramit Sethi of I Will Teach You To Be Rich talks to Geena, 44, and James, 39. They live in Brooklyn where she works as a corporate attorney and he’s a freelance musician—resulting in a 10x income disparity. They travel a lot, but do they invest enough to retire with the lifestyle they want? And does James bring enough to their relationship?

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[ramitsethi]

Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.

[Beatsmith]

I hate to break it to you all, but making $5k a month as a musician IS being a success in that field in 2024...

[chryanna]

I normally find Ramit so insightful, but I think he missed some this time. I do think Gina expects James to make a lot more money. I think it's much more about dollars for her than the equal participation in decisions and planning Ramit insisted she really wanted. And that resonates with Gina's mom always saying her dad didn't make enough money. Gina brought up repeatedly how she wants James to be able to split the cost of trips, to save and invest, to have enough money he doesn't have to worry about it. But she never was asked to deal with the fact that no matter how responsible he is with his money, there is a built-in significant disparity. The two choices are 1) she lives the lifestyle she wants and comes to terms with either not including James in it or covering them both financially. OR 2) they significantly change their lifestyle together. She was never really asked to compromise there.

And James wants to be involved. He brought this up many times, "Wait, let's talk about it." "I see these mystery plane tickets and I wish we'd discussed it first." "I feel pressured to keep up with her lifestyle, so I stretch myself to pay for things I otherwise wouldn't instead of saving and investing." These are all paraphrased from memory, but I don't believe unfairly. I also empathize with his expressing that it's hard to be involved, since any input he has would be a sobering "brake" that would take into account his income, which she has demanded stay separate, and he doesn't want to be this "brake" on Gina who can afford these experiences, or be the reason she can't have them.

Maybe James is selling himself short when it comes to earning potential. But there are some harsh realities that need to be confronted when you have a 99th percentile income, choose to spend it on extravagant experiences, and want your partner to both participate in those experiences and pay for them via his strictly separate account, despite not having the money to do so.

It seems like at the end of the show, the "reasonable" resolution was that James triple his already above median income very quickly. I think a more hopeful, more likely path would be the two of them embracing a concept of "our" money- and once that's done, adjusting expectations and re-evaluating what contributing to the relationship means, and some new goals for spending, saving and dreaming big, both individually and as a couple.

[IMT]

Weird episode! I feel like Ramit lost focus of the big issues for this couple: 1. She's doesn't have fair expectations of her husband and is being stingy with her income - she's a huge earner and can afford to provide them with a nice lifestyle. He's an artist and brings other valuable contributions to the marriage. If the roles were reversed, we wouldn't think twice about a man supporting his wife. 2. They are seriously behind in their investments. With almost 10 years at a high income level, they should have at least 3-5 million put away. I feel like Ramit got distracted by how much she makes and didn't adequately address the underlying issues. The episode went by with no real lessons for her. Her husband seems great.

[craziinancy]

This might be the first episode where I haven’t agreed with the counsel given. The husband was made out to be the problem but he really isn’t. Even if he made $150k he would not be able to keep up with the lifestyle she wants to have and “contribute”. She makes more than enough for both of them….

[muuserid]

I feel like Ramit really missed the mark this with this one. For James to have to sit out trips when they are making over 600K a year is nuts. This is not a partnership

[RyChOr]

Why is he paying 40% of the rent and 100% of the utilities when she makes 10x his income? Why is she surprised that he is barely treading water and not able to save that much? This episode is so confusing. The man was struggling to pay off a $1k CC debt. What is this marriage? 😭

[Tammy.]

Was really surprised when Ramit didn't acknowledge her "his little money market account" comment. It was gross and he usually calls out jabs/comments like that.

Does Geena really want an "equal" partner? She mentioned her prior husband didn't work (visa issues) and now she's with someone who makes 10x less than she does.

[TheSellingAcademyTV]

Ramit I've watched many of your episodes, but this one broke my heart for James, who makes a decent income and probably busting his ass to keep up with his wife. I understand as a female geena may want to protect the wealth that she worked really hard for, but it's not fair for James to have to stress to keep up.

[Machoukas]

Usually Ramit is right on the money but he missed the mark completely on this one. Whys it the guys fault she has a spending problem?

[Jermachu]

I didn’t understand the direction ramit was going on this episode. The probable reason why James can’t invest or save is because he’s living a lifestyle that Geena wants to live.

The solution for this is to have Geena go on vacation alone because James cannot afford it?? What kind of married couple can make this last?

[MsSunnyMuffins]

Seeing this title I expected like 100k vs 10k. One partner clearly being a bum and holding the other back. That is NOT AT ALL what this is and I think the wife needs to come back down to earth and recognize 60k is a good salary for someone their age. It's amazing for someone doing music. *She is a societal outlier* and she can't expect her husband or 99% of people to catch up

[YIWOTY]

Thank you to Geena and James for sharing their stories. I must admit that I’m disappointed that Ramit put it all on James. She married a musician, essentially. She shouldn’t suddenly expect him to become a type-A personality like her.

It’s sad that she tells him he’s thinking small. Did he agree to make a certain amount of money when they got married? Is he making less than he used to?

If you’re truly a married couple, get over who pays for what. If she wants them to take multiple $40, 000 trips each year and can afford to pay for them, great!

But don’t get on him because he’s not making enough to pay any material amount of such a lifestyle.

[DJSharyP]

There was so much wrong with this episode!
First, This couple and Ramit travel the same. RAMIT IS A MULTI-MILLIONAIRE! This couple is living like millionaires but they are not!

He never called them out for not having enough emergency savings, they don't plan or save for vacations; they just spend on a credit card then pay it off?

Also why did Ramit not highlight that she contributes 20-something percent towards fixed costs while he contributes 40-something percent?

How is he going to contribute to their $45, 000 vacations and retirement savings? ---and then they were bullying him even more about not contributing more to fixed costs?

Then Ramit wants him go it alone and have the consequences. I kind of get it, but all of those things can't happen at the same time.

What if his clients really stop working with him if he raises his rates? Should she kick him out, or not let him use the toilet paper?

I am just beside myself. It felt like the Twilight Zone! There HAD to be something they left out of this episode.

[janaynmelis]

If I made 10x what my partner makes, I'd be paying 90 percent of everything and he would pay 10 percent. ❤

[DianeRuth]

She's getting him things and trips he doesn't want and didn't ask for and then is getting annoyed when he doesn't pay for those things. He has worn out sneakers, isn't bothered by it, she buys him new ones and it's his fault for not contributing?

[StevenEdwardsAudio]

I am a fan of the podcast and watch it every week, but I did not like his approach on this episode, actually I found it quite unpleasant. James is doing just fine. He’s in the music industry and working his way up to making more and more. $5k a month for what he does is not bad at all. There are too many unrealistic expectations on him and I wish that would have been given more focus. It’s not fair for his partner to expect him to help out with extravagant trips when that’s not the realistic option for the path he has chosen. If her mindset around this doesn’t change and they stay together he will always feel less than.

[makayla]

Ramit, I hope you’ll maybe address this in the future. It’s really odd to me how you came down so hard on him while she refuses to combine finances and lets him struggle with debt and paying way more than he should while making nearly $600k. He has a role in it as well no doubt, but to act like it’s mostly on him is incredibly confusing.

[cognitive-botanical-therapy]

I’m confused…. Are they married? Why is she “covering” when they’re legally married? I also don’t get why someone making $50k a month is worried about their household buying running shoes! Lastly… this was a big tell to me: she called his IRA “little”. She said she wants him to have a “little Roth IRA”. That’s so condescending. I feel the same way that I did about the recent episode with the American couple in London. Also, if she got hit by a bus he’d get a massive life insurance payout. I worked in corporate tech and they pay for a policy as a benefit; usually like 10x your annual. I feel like these two are roommates and she resents him and he’s complacent about it. Hope y’all can work through this, best of luck. ❤

[dallison]

Ramit, you misdiagnosed this couples situation by a country mile. Geena is a Type A control freak who will never let James be her equal and is not willing to treat her money as "their" money. It's no wonder James feels inadequate. If their money was pooled into a joint account then they could actually have a discussion as equals about money, but she won't do that. And to top it off, they are not even splitting their fixed costs equitably. James is kicking in much more than he should and maybe that is why he isn't able to cover his other costs or fund a retirement account. Also, they will never by able to afford their rich life with over $200K of guilt free spending in retirement unless they plan on working much longer and dramatically increase their retirement savings. They are going to need more than $10 million to afford their current lifestyle in retirement.

I can't help but believe that if the gender roles were reversed this would have been a much different episode.