What the Doc Says vs. What the Patient Hears

Doctors and patients don’t always hear eye to eye...

[Joy]

As a patient I can confirm that once you say The C Word, a patient can hear nothing after that. So use it judiciously at the very end of your spiel.

[smldpen]

Thanks to Crohn's disease, I got to experience four of these before I was old enough to drink. Around the second, my friend's mother told me that she finally got the guts to get a colonoscopy because "If a 14 year old can do it, what's my excuse?" It may have saved her life.

[tommiegirl]

I laughed way harder than I should have. It made me think of my ex husband’s father. Dad heard none of this script when it was spoken to him. He said later that it all had too many syllables and it sounded like Charlie Browns teacher… so he just nodded and agreed with the doc, and he wasn’t quite ready for the whole experience. He later saying things like “I s••t a screaming worm when they gave me that stuff to drink” and “Inserts and canals and blah blah blah and not one time did he say he was going to stick things up my hinder hole.” When I explained, he asked, “Why didn’t he just say that? Can doctors not use the word butt? Are they under contract? How about ass? Can they say that?”

He also had prostate cancer. We lost him 3 years later, but not before he told every single friend he had to get in there and get their colonoscopy like their lives depended on it, because it might. He was a good guy, and I still miss him. (Thank you for letting me ramble! I must have needed it.) Good show, as always!

[shawnycoffman]

Been a paramedic for going on three decades now. Can confirm that providers and patients do not always hear eye to eye.

[BoringTroublemaker]

I would describe the prep as closer to warm salty mucus - no matter how cold it is, somehow it still tastes warm.

[ClearlyPixelated]

Family Med here. Can confirm that recommending colonoscopies is EXACTLY like this.

[elaexplorer]

I really don't know why you had the second doctor just repeat everything you just said, verbatim. 😂

[crow_feather]

Hahaha! All of my fears about colonoscopies summed up in under two minutes! You know us well, doc! 🤣

[charlesh]

I get yearly colonoscopies (YAY PSC +IBD). The most amusing thing my GI doc asked me was is it OK if we do yearly colonoscopies because he had his first one and the prep was really awful. He just wanted to make sure the prep wasn't stopping me from getting them. Once you get past the prep that dull rusty knife ain't a thing at all.

[smellypatel]

"He was a real gusher" had me in tears

[ginadellgrottaglia]

I used to type colonoscopies (and all kinds of other transcription). The two standouts here would be an Italian GI who would always say "Then we made a stabba woond" instead of incision.

The other was a patient who got up on all fours on the table in the middle of the procedure. Wasn't too happy with the goings-on, I gather.

[discreetscrivener]

I interpret for a hospital, and I’ve interpreted soooo many colonoscopy procedures and honestly they are so chill. You get a nice propofol nap then you wake up and get snacks.

[gillianbarth]

I had to prep my dog for a scope recently. This dog has never met a food he didn't like, and I dissolved the powder in warm chicken broth just to be safe. The idiot wouldn't touch it. Wound up having to scoop it up in my palm and hand feed it to him, lol. Good news, no cancer. But I'm pretty sure he believes the rusty knife bit 😅

[soxpeewee]

I had to have a colonoscopy as a ternager.

My doctor said I had the most beautiful and healthy colon he'd seen despite me stomach ulcers.

Lol I put an 8" x 10" photo of my colon on the fridge. Mom was not happy.

[polarbearhero]

For my colonoscopies I had the “Gatorade” prep (that’s what they called it). A bottle of Gatorade with a bottle of Miralax. Tasted just like the Gatorade and not bad at all. Last time they added 4 Ducolax pills which means you stay close to the toilet for 30 minutes. It was divided into two doses of the Miralax. The last dose was near morning. Then the anesthesia was different. This time I was totally asleep. It was no big deal and the prep was not bad at all. I just sat on the toilet and binged watched a TV show. It was over before the tv shows were finished. No reason to put this off.

[scottbrown]

Honestly, the Golite ( sic) stuff I got last time wasn’t the worst thing ever. It’s a little slimy but if you just concentrate it goes down not terribly. Seriously, I had a bleed in my colon and I was kinda terrified. Sucking down the snail snot was the least of my worries. Turned out to be small, they took care of it quickly, and I was better in just a few hours.

[mariatomko]

We'll use a big ol' rusty knife....😳😂

[notlikely]

The GI doc at the VA hospital where I trained would turn his forge cap backwards and say

"Up periscope"

Never underestimate the power of false bravado

[marleee.]

I got to observe a colonoscopy during clinical and it was so neat! Amazing how the doctor was able to guide the scope- it looked super complicated!

[CallieMasters]

Who's the guest star, doc? He's got a nice smile and pleasant way of talking. I hope that's his real accent, 'cause he sounds real wholesome.