What to Do if Your Adult Child Won't Leave Home | Ask Dr. Clarke

A listener asked, "My adult child lives in our home and will not find a full-time job. He will not leave. What do I do?"

Watch this video to see Dr. Clarke's advice on this situation.

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[sailormoon]

Thank you Dr. Clark. Having this issue with my 32 year old son. No job, no motivation...just play video games and smoke pot. ☹️

[pixie]

I just saw a post from a real estate guy, who said that the parents actually sold the house, changed their phone number, and did not provide their new address! While the guy posting it said that he felt sorry for the guy, who was essentially left homeless, I suspect that it was a move of desperation! Anyone remember the case of Michael Rodondo!

[mimimurphy]

I have son 40 years old he is living with me since the pandemic and doesn’t want to move out, he is alcoholic and smoke pot all the time, doesn’t hold jobs last job was 6 months ago he last in that job only 4 months then collecting unemployment and i am 71 alone living in senior community he never pay in 3 years anything and i can’t make him move at all he doesn’t help me at all i have to cook do his laundry clean because I don’t want my place to be dirty or smelling but i cry everyday feel hopeless .

[larrywade]

I have the same story. Basically I have to continue to tell myself "I AM NOT HELPING THEM" by allowing them to stay with me. IT IS NOT HELPING MY ADULT KID!!!
I text them they have 4mons to move. Month 2, must give me $80 a week. After 2nd missed payment eviction starts. The money is to help them move out. I'm trying to help if they want, if not they still got to go. I AM NOT HELPING THEM BY ALLOWING GROWN KIDS TO STAY. MANY REASONS, ENABLER, LOSE OF RESPECT, STUT GROWTH, KILLING ME, COST, MANY REASONS ((IF I DON'T DO THIS I'M NOT HELPING THEM))) will see if i can love them to life.

[bionicwoman]

How about years and years and the adult child is 48?

[ginam]

My son will be 21 next month and wont do anything except stay in his room. He has anxiety issues and refuses to see his dr or take meds. If I kick him out he will be homeless and I dont think he can make it on the streets. He has had 2 breakdowns and that scares me if I kick him out he'll end up in a mental hospital again but he refuses to get any help. I dont know what to say or do anymore. I just want him to at least want to make an effort..but he has no motivation. My youngest son just turned 15 and is the total opposite, very independent, always looking for odd jobs to make money and cant wait to get a job at 16 and get his drivers license. He also tries to motivate his brother but my 20 yr old just gets mad and goes to his room.

[mariem]

What if your child won't sit down with you and avoids communication.

[anthaunettareed]

please HELP ME!!! 25YO AND 21YO STILL AT HOME...ONE HAS A JOB AND ASSOCIATES DEGREE THE OTHER IS LOOKING FOR WORK!!! BOTH GRADUATED FROM VERY VERY GOOD TOP OF THE LINE SCHOOLS....THEY BOTH DONT CLEAN R PAY ANY BILLS!!!! WHAT DO I DO!!? THEY GO OUT ON THEIR OWN FREE TIME AND COME N WHEN THEY WANT TOO!! ONE HAS A CAT THAT I SEEM TO B CARING FOR ALL WHILE WORKING MY JOB ETC ETC....NEITHER HAS KIDS!!! BOTH SAY I OWE THEM THE WORLD!? BUT IV ALREADY DID MY JOB....I WAS MARRIED TO MY YOUNGEST SONS DAD FOR 15YEARS SO MAJORITY OF THEIR LIFE THEY HAD A FATHER....IDK WHAT ELSE TO DO!!! SUM1 PLEASE SHARE YR ADVICE....IM ALMOST 50YO AND JUST WANT TO LIVE N PEACE AND

[jmv]

Need more practical tips on how to get them out. I can’t get them to do dishes, let alone get them to move out.

[emmasbusybuildersllc]

Dr. Clarke, My parents have been letting my brother live with them for a long time he's almost 30 no driver's license no car no job the only thing he pays for is his phone. He's brought his gf there and her cats. They don't help around the house they pile dishes the litter box is filthy trash everywhere garbage overflowing. My parents pay all the bills and bring food into the house. While my brother sleeps all day I build houses so yesterday I asked my brother you wanna help at work I'll pay you and get you lunch. "No he says he's too tired and doesn't feel like it" 😒 I'm so worried he's going to beat on my parents again. He's vile and my parents fear him so they just let him and his gf who is also abusive stay. they have no money to kick him out through the courts. What should I do? He's not even on their lease is there another way? I know if I call the police the police won't be able to do anything unless he puts his hands on my parents again. I don't really know where else to turn and is it any of my business? Well I do help my parents with their bills at times seeing as they're on a fixed income. Any insight would be nice thank you.

[jennym]

Our son has Asperger's and it has been a long hard road. But we have been supporting our son to finish school and get a job. He's doing really well.
However we are having lots of trouble getting him to move. We bought him an apartment!! So he has somewhere to move to. But he won't. He's 23.

[DEADIKATED]

I have 2 Daughters 23 & 24 refuse to move out we've been going over this for the past 3 years already they gave me the deadline of June and now it's come and gone. Idk what to do

[CyrilCommando]

I can (barely) forgive it because it was made 4 years ago, but most of us now can't even get a job and leave home if we wanted to.

[Stevenowski]

In some states like the one I live in, adult children have legal rights if they live in your house past 30 days. So you have to take legal action to evict your adult child. It can be costly really quick.

[catherinedesilets]

I have an adult child who has a full time job above min wage who has decided I should let her live in my house rent free & eat my food & her $ is her business to spend as she pleases.

[leannestrong]

Maybe the adult child is looking at jobs, and the companies they are considering will not allow them to choose (or at the very least, inform them of) where they are going to be working before they are hired. This means that the adult child might be working at a location just a couple of towns over, or they could be working several hours away. Their commute could be anywhere from a 5 minute car ride, to a 5 hour flight. If this is the case, then they might feel like it will be too stressful, or won't make sense to move into one house or apartment, only to find out shortly thereafter, that they have been hired for one of the companies they have been looking at, and will have to pack all of their belongings up again, and move several hours away. This is the case with me (I haven't applied anywhere recently, but I have been looking at such companies), and so I am waiting to move out, until I hear back from one of the companies that I have been considering (If I like one of the job descriptions enough, and end up applying and interviewing). In the meantime, I do buy a large portion of my own groceries, and sometimes, I even buy groceries for my family (I am currently working in a grocery store, so that makes it easier for me to do so).

[MsOneironaut]

I jave an adult daughter with a 7 yr ild son who wont mae the right choices which impact her ability to find a job or get her own place! what to do?

[gretelhance]

We have, 45 and 50 year old sons. Comfortable???
They pay for their phones

[JohnMurphy-mxpd]

Day a person begins to become an adult is the day they move out of their parents home .

[Mustaches]

My grandparents are asking me what to do with my brother. They enabled for years. He is 25 and barely got a stable job. However he is disrespectful amongst many other things. Can they still do this method if we believe he is “crazy.” He has issues and we are unsure whether he is slightly paranoid due to his brain chemistry or all the weed he smokes.