My Best Advice on How to Get Over Someone... (Or Get Them Back!)

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I post new love life advice for you every weekend.

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Have you felt the heartbreak of losing the “love of your life,” and now you want them back? Or perhaps you feel trapped in sadness after a breakup and don’t know how to move on.

Either way, this is the first aid you need right now.

In today’s video, I explain the #1 thing that defines our reality during a breakup, and show how the obsession we might feel during a breakup can have its roots in the early days of dating someone. And if you’re on the fence about getting back with your ex, the 3 steps I share today can help you make that decision.

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▼ Chapters ▼

0:00 – 1:27 – When We Want Someone Back
1:27 – 2:35 – A Quick Story
2:35 – 5:10 – Part 1: What Happens in a Breakup
5:10 – 7:40 – Shining a Spotlight on Your Loss
7:40 – 10:06 – Your Life Is So Much Bigger
10:06 – 11:53 – The Most Dangerous Moment in Attraction
11:53 – 13:07 – A Source of Richness in Life
13:07 – 16:02 – Part 2: The Identity Matrix
16:02 – 18:59 – Sturdy Legs Under the Table
18:59 – 20:00 – Part 3: My Challenge to You
20:00 – 21:34 – Invest More in an Existing (but Atrophied) Square
21:34 – 23:10 – Create a Brand-New Square
23:10 – 26:37 – Reconnect With a Square You’ve Taken for Granted
26:37 – 29:47 – The End of the Story
29:47 – 31:27 – A Warning
31:27 – 33:18 – Spark & Connect

[krishna]

- Go strict no-contact
- Don't pedestalize the person
- Remember why it ended
- Find happiness within
- Self-improvement on all fronts

[stevewells]

Not all storms come to destroy your life...some come to clear the path. Remember that!

[luckystroke]

Who left you at your worst doesn't deserve you at your best.

[violetaene]

My new square in my matrix: riding a bike. Finally I've learnt 2 months ago. I'm 50.
I feel soo good. Now I'm riding 20 km at least one time per week.
I also have a black kitten I've always. wanted. My cat Bandit is lovely and brings me so much happiness.
I have a great new job, well paid.
I moved from London to my home country in my own house. I started the renovation and it's great.
I have new friends, I'm listening again rock like in highschool.

[alwaysroomtolearn]

Saw him in a whole new light after reconnecting 9 months after he ended it with me. Not the person I thought he was when I fell in love in love with him in the first place. Sad for how things ended but proud of myself for the work I've done and for seeing things as they really are.

[rainymondays]

I want to play this video on repeat every single day ... until every word sinks in deeply

[chamazape]

hey man, just suffered a break up, her reasons for why are the same ones you said on the video. I now realise how important it is for me to create a new life, one where i can feel good about myself, and only to myself. I'm still in pain, but thanks to you i feel better. I searched a bunch of videos about break ups, all of them were tragic to hear, this one made me feel good and at peace, thank you so much. In 9 months i'll update this comment with a story hopefully

[bistravoda]

Matthew, I want to thank you for changing my life 4 years ago when I randomly found one of your videos called "He left?". I was in the middle of extreme break-up pain and couldn't hardly breathe. This was how I found your channel. Since then I've changed so much and become the woman I like. The woman I've always wanted to be. Feeling so happy. My ex came back but it know that I would be doing well regardless. Now it is natural for me to keep my standard and never betray myself. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. Keep doing what you do.

[DavidCartmellDJCartmell]

It’s better to start with someone new than take someone back who doesn’t want to keep you. Show some self respect.

[charliewebster]

I’ve been single 3 years, & have gone no contact with someone I was with for 7. I have had & occasionally have conflict over that. But sometimes letting someone go is the most loving choice. For them & for yourself. Don’t want to be with him, keep tabs, or be friends. So what’s left? Beautiful memories. Gratitude that I experienced it.

[tinachristine]

Your advice has helped me over the past 3 years. You tell absolutely no lies and you give so much power back to the individual to LIVE THEIR BEST LIFE with or without being partnered up.

[katd]

This has been helping me right now …

Distance is my new answer to disrespect.

I no longer react, I no longer argue, I no longer dive into drama. I simply remove my presence.

[aprilwilcox]

This was a very timely video. I dated a man that I felt I wanted to be with forever....I started to realize it wasn't going to happen the way I wanted and went in to marry someone else who turned out to be a horrible narcissist...after divorcing that person, I moved back to the area I was from and this person I had dated came back into my life....I started getting the feelings back that I had for him before but have recently realized that I had no sense of self and wanted to start doing the things I did before I met either of these men... After watching the video I realized how important rediscovering myself was and got to the point where I no longer care to have this man in my life and I want to become a whole person again instead of just waiting around for him to call

[sarahsmiles]

It's been 3 months now and Matthew is right, I didn't have the language to explain that it has made my life feel so small.

[greenwomangreycat]

I'm not even half way through watching this video and I already recognise that the things you're saying, and the WAY you're saying them, are bloody genuis. Thank you so much for your wisdom about all this, and for slamming it home with such clarity. The repetition is fantastic, roo, and the passion you put into it helps SO much.

[talesfromtheroad]

10:43 😂❤❤❤ Omgsh I was just thinking, 'Yeah but I don't know if I have a big life...' (I'm not traveling much lately, I'm not a speaker, my art isn't out there, I've barely published anything) and then Matthew looked at us and said 'if you're a nurse who works with dementia patients and loves your friends and has some hobbies on the side'--and that's exactly what I am/do 👩🏼‍⚕️--'don't EVER lose sight of the richness of your life.' Thank you, Matthew. Message received 😂 and mission accepted ❤❤❤❤

[samex]

I no longer want him back. He was my first love but he left me and tried to keep in touch with me for months after that, until I said not to contact me anymore. I don’t want the people that don’t even want to be in my life back no matter how painful it is. I have been disrespected so much from people that it will never be the same having them back in my life. I change and become stronger every time someone disrespects me and hurts me.

[octaviamoit]

You released your first book when I was 15, I BEGGED my dad to get me Get The Guy for my 16th birthday. Still have it! 🥰🤩 thank you for your service 😁

[basimahalbalooshy]

She shouldn’t settle with him, if he left her at her worst he doesn’t deserve her at her best….

[Ara]

I broke up with someone 2.5 years ago and haven’t been able to move on because of hope that he would grow and we would work out. Maybe I would have moved on by now if I were had done strict no contact. I know now that there is no hope and I want to move on now.

My new square: making healthy food choices, exercising often, and losing weight. I’ve always wanted to be a fit person but I’ve never had the discipline or time. I want to make that time, I know this would help me notice my inherent value better.