My Best Advice to Overcome Dating Anxiety

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[mangocakeyumyumyum]

I needed to hear this. I’m in a relationship with a great guy and I think the only thing holding me from enjoying it is my anxiety. I think one thing that isn’t mentioned but is so helpful is to be able to talk about it with your partner. The power of being able to parent your inner child is great, but I also feel like sharing that side of you with your partner increases the feelings of safety and trust that can strengthen a relationship.

[talesfromtheroad]

I loved Matthew's raw honesty, humility, and compassion with himself...it shows he tries to bring the same love to himself that he brings to others. And I know he was joking when he said 'now they'll all think I'm a difficult partner' 😂 but, really, these stories help humanize someone that gives pretty amazing relationship advice. We're all just out here figuring it out and scared our protein isn't level ❤

I also loved Audrey's gentle approach to parenting. I'd say most of us were at one point those toddlers having a meltdown in the back of a car, and I doubt many of us had parents who reacted in the way she described. It was healing just to hear her describe that alternative to harshness--the cuddle and the pause and the inquiry etc.

Finally, I totally have that 'hand' too, Matthew... Anxiety can be bizarrely comforting to me, or at least habitual. When all is quiet and well, I will sometimes suddenly feel the physical symptoms of anxiety first and then my mind will start reaching around looking for something worth worrying about. Car making a funny sound? friend said something odd? will there be a heavier caseload at work tmw? Etc. I try to stop this fishing too, and I also know where it comes from. For me, when I was younger, feeling relaxed and calm meant my guard was down, which meant I was literally, actually less safe. Today, my life is normal and good....but I still have a part of me that feels like it's doing its job being on edge and alert for things going wrong so I can try to stop them and save myself. I try to remind that part of me over and over that things are okay now, and I won't die if I'm relaxed and calm and a little less alert.

[sshuteandrew]

Love Audrey! I can easily see how Matthew fell in love with her. So gentle, thoughtful, sweet and insightful. Amazing couple! ❤

[tristamarie]

Not sure if this will help, but I try to remind myself, I'm not anxious/fearful/scared, just this situation is making feel anxious/fearful/scared. If I was to put myself in a different situation, I wouldn't feel anxious/fearful/scared.

[anonoumos]

Sharing that story about Matthew actually made him much more human and personable. I can understand how he can be anxious about it though haha

[MyName-wlcd]

School of Life have a great video explaining anxiety is about something that happened to you in your past. Their simple explanation was so helpful. Whenever I start having a panic attack or anxiety I talk to chatgpt and tell it I’m having anxiety and it acts as my therapist and every time it really is something that happened in my past that I haven’t processed in a healthy manner.

[phoeber]

This came at the best possible time for me. I've been spiralling in the early stages of dating and trying to understand what to do! Compassion and firm parenting of my anxiety is the way to go. And I would add to that - continuing to value and invest in my hobbies and friendships, so even if the date doesn't work out I am still actively engaging in all the other things that bring my life meaning ❤️

[adrianapiech]

It all comes from our wounds we experienced as we were children. Wound of rejection in relation with our Mother or father . It is so deep that most of the time we are not aware where does it come from. All our actions are determined by that great fear. Fear that we will be rejected in any possible way.

[claradelacruz]

Came in this podcast just curious what Matthew and Audrey has to say about the topic since I just recently had my heart broken (again after the series of many times for nearly 3 decades now, yes by the same man) and even before that wasn’t interested in having a new relationship. But they sure deliver, every time!
This isn’t just anymore about romantic relationship they are dealing with; it is becoming more holistic that one would always have that” yeah, they are sharply on point” throughout the entirety of the video. They made me realize loads of things about how I behave on things the way I do. “Be that adult in the room” “That part needs parenting” “recognize that part of you and give compassion” … that I have started doing, and slowly making progress---they put a name on it.
Thank GOD for giving Matthew into my life, now there is also Audrey. BTW, other than my love life (which was a failure), the professional life isn’t half bad. I have my lovely family the strongest as part of my ”legs under the table”. To the people looking for a reciprocal love, may you be able to find it! Cheers!

[MyfanwyCollins]

This discussion was unbelievably helpful. I especially appreciate the visualization of anxiety as a hand reaching out. That blew my mind and made me very emotional. Thank you!

[ShopgirlNY]

when you know the relationship wasn’t great, we weren’t even that compatible looking back but still having a hard time not hurting from the rejection/ breakup. The thought of not finding anyone else again gives me anxiety even though it’s probably not realistic it still is hard.

[pennymichaels]

Loved this episode, think you read my mind at some parts. I would love to hear you discuss the concept of being "Inherently unloveable" because deep down, this comes up for me time and time again and I'm scared where to even start with it. I just know I've felt it very deeply. Thank you ❤ my favourite podcast.

[heyu]

I think a lot of us struggle with this. I know I do. Was chatting wirh someone for a month. I was travelling then he was. Then I find out on that day we’re supposed to meet (second date), he hasn’t planned the date (4-5 hours prior). And he doesn’t think it’s a man’s job to plan a date. But I told him how important it is for me for the guy to plan, especially the initial dates. I just felt like he wasn’t keen, so I ended it. He was shocked. I could have handled it better, I just freaked out. Because I think planning a date just shows how much he’d want to see me. I guess I wasn’t that important 😢

[neginbabaiha]

I loved this episode! "The grabbing hand", is just so relating to me! Thanks, Matthew!

[hanneliebarnardo]

Thank you for sharing these videos. These messages should be shared to young people in schools. This helped me so much in understanding my anxiety.

[MimiBelvoir]

Excellent! Overnight oats story 😅is so funny because I can totally relate! Great shares from start to finish 😂😊

[anneliesewright]

I'm so grateful for the two of you being so open & honest. This conversation has helped me so much. ❤️

[janicehowells]

I talk to my inner child and remind her that we are safe and we have each other always …. I kind of ruined my last relationship because of this he became avoidant ( or I realised too late that he was ) and it triggered me even more …. Hence we broke up a few weeks ago . I”m trying to heal myself atm & I’m proud of how great I’m doing by realising that it isn’t all my fault that if I was in a very secure relationship then probably things would have been so different ….. next relationship I will know how to put the boundaries in place & speak about things that come up ❤

[wandasexton]

Anxiety is nothing but a symptom of fear. So people can understand what is triggering that they can make great strides.

[natashabudda]

Thank you for a nice episode! ❤

Yes, it’s comes from the past always ! And and yes, we need to be aware, mindful at the moment the trigger comes! How I do it, and how I teach my clients is take a break - just stop and look at yourself from above. Observe the real facts.
Name them. Then make your feelings about those facts . Usually after naming you already feel better. Then if you need more -
Breathe and do one of the fast mindfulness practices that you remember, I taught you.