How to push back on this narcissistic dynamic

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[gencorp]

A significant component of trauma bonding is also a physical chemical addiction. Your brain has been soaking in a cocktail of cortisol (the stress hormone) with spikes of dopamine and oxytocin. Your body becomes used to this much higher baseline of neurochemicals and hormones that when the abuse stops and the levels drop you begin to crave them. That constant sensation that something is missing or that you need to do something or eat something or something something, that’s your brain jonesing for it’s drugs. Over time your body will recalibrate and set a new baseline but it takes 6-12 months. That’s part of why trauma bonding takes so long to get over and also why no contact is the fastest route.

[brittanyashdown]

I was married to a highly abusive narcissist. After I was free with my children, my 7 year old at the time, told me that not much has changed except that I smile and laugh a lot more. He said we are all happy now. That hit me hard and made me realize just how much better life was in every way without my narcissist husband. 5 years later and I'm still doing my single mom thing and thoroughly enjoying my life.

[rebeccaf]

Peace trumps loneliness. Learn to relish your solitude. You may find out you love your own company. ♥️

[BeingLifted]

My former partner went on regular business trips, usually lasting a few days. When he went to Mexico for 2 weeks changed everything. The whole two weeks, he didn't call or text and didn't respond to mine. At first I was hurt and angry but that second week I really enjoyed. He came back, all excited, and proceeded to tell me how he had a discussion with a cabbie who decided to go back to his wife and he decided he wanted me after all. Boy was he angry when I told him I had plenty of time to think and was done. He could not understand why I wasn't jumping at the opportunity to be mistreated for another few years. Spot on, Dr. Ramani!

[NarcSurvivor]

Set strong boundaries and focus on your own success.

[samirakhaliq]

Oh....it's such a BIG relief....when the narcissist is for 10 min without them feels heaven

[valenciakeller]

It's the most freeing time when they're not around.

[dominikagorzynska]

As a child I dreamed of running away from home. Now I went no contact with my toxic family. Dreams come true...

[sjs]

Seeing my children relax in our new home, free from the narc, makes his decision to discard us a hidden gift I didn't know we needed. Nothing and no one is worth sacrificing our peace.

[BlackKettleRanch]

Eat, sleep, and breathe the things you love. Hobbies. Sports. Socializing. Book clubs. Writing. Music. Botany. What ever it is that floats your boat. Travelling is a grand adventure. Taking a vacation by oneself is grand. You can do what you want. Wander where you want. Take as much time as you want on the things you want. You answer to no one. I feel like a dog rolling in the grass just thinking about it. There is zero chance of creating an expectation that will not be fulfilled. Zero chance of setting yourself up to be disrespected, disregarded, or disapproved. There is a massive chance that a person will respect themselves more and feel independent when they truly let go of attempting to get validation of any sort and let go of the addiction and habit of the abuse. The abuse is not deserved. Let yourself become liberated. And if you don't know what it is that floats your boat, then have fun dabbling in all kinds of things. There's nothing wrong with being a jack of all trades and master of none.

[taotaostrong]

This happened to large groups of people during slavery. I’m not being facetious or political. Trauma bonded people exhibit some of the same behavior as slaves who were dominated into believing that the plantation was God’s will for them and that their masters were just teaching them to be “good”. It’s a heart and spirit breaking form of psychological warfare. I’m sending strength to anyone who has experienced this.

[shelley]

I do the happy dance when they aren't around which is why I am ready to move on. It sucks living with a miserable person who plays with your mind and soul. I can't wait to get my life back. Their misery is not my responsibility to fix. Thanks to you, and others Dr. Ramani, I see freedom and peace ahead.

[empress]

Whenever he is not around, my stomach trouble is less, i hardly fall sick, i am able to do what is best for me and the kids and i breath a breath of fresh air...

[michelehansen]

It felt wonderful when my husband left for work. Couldn’t wait till he went to work. Hated it when he came home .

[lisaschuster]

Such wonderful advice. I scratched my way out of a long term highly narcissistic relationship/marriage. I wish I’d known about you, Dr Ramani, while I was still in it. But your message still heals me today. It validates everything I went through and most of your videos make me cry. I don’t know if it’s out of validation, gratitude or sympathy for myself and all I’d endured. But I know your message is cathartic. Thank you.

[Lesbean_Burrito]

I left an entire friend group because of a narcissist. It's sad how little I was appreciated, and I've only become stronger since.

[uppitybee]

The first year is the hardest the second year is still hard but a little better after the third year you finally feel free.

[istateyourname]

The timeliness is not lost on me today, Dr. Ramani. My daughter just called off her wedding because she had severe doubts & concerns & is afraid of her fiances' anger. She has dodged an enormous bullet.

[Aanframe]

Guilt sometimes poisons the sense of relief we feel when we no longer have narcissists in our lives.
Sometimes it is the guilt of not having known how to protect ourselves in the past and having allowed our vulnerability and ignorance to turn against us, as they are used by narcissists to show us to the world as emotionally disturbed.
To overcome this, we have to see our past self with charitable eyes and give ourselves the right to be imperfect, to make mistakes, and to validate our perceptions and emotions.
Unconsciously, we fear that people, narcissists included, will think badly of us.
However, narcissists never thought well of us, nor did they appreciate us.
Appreciation never leads to doubt or guilt.
Appreciation does not turn our qualities, the best of ourselves into defects.
The relief of not having narcissists in our lives is the rediscovery of our integrity.

[ahimsaalexander]

Loneliness is a universal feeling. But being conditioned to normalize trauma is not as much of a universal conditioning factor in relationships. So it feels liberating being away from people who stress me out.