Silent Wealth: How 'Old Money' Families Communicate Without Words

"Old Money"—that rarified class of society where silence isn't just
golden - it's the very currency of elite existence.

In a noisy social media-driven world where too many of us are
ensnared in a cacophony of tweets, viral videos, and trending
memes, the “Old Money” crowd engage in a lifestyle where the
simple lifting of an eyebrow speaks volumes - and where a subtle
nod can be akin to a Shakespearean soliloquy.

Indeed, it’s as though these privileged few are playing out a silent
film where each character understands the script so deeply, the
subtitles are meaningless.

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TIMESTAMPS
0:00 Introduction
0:51 1. A Brief History of Etiquette
4:25 2. The Anatomy of a Glance
7:10 3. Gestures that Speak Louder than Words
11:02 4. The Unspoken Hierarchies of Dining Spaces
13:34 5. The Silent Language of Dress

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In the hallowed pages of “Old Money” history, the art of silent
etiquette is often more expressive than the most mellifluous
speeches.

Steeped in the centuries-long weight of familial customs, these
social conventions have roots extending back to the aristocratic
norms of medieval and Renaissance Europe.

You see, whether navigating the elaborate etiquettes of the British
court, the opulent salons of Louis IV's France, or the mighty
imperial Russian palaces - understanding these codes was non-
negotiable.

Indeed, a fumbled curtsy or an ill-timed flick of a fan could spell
societal exile or even worse.


With that said, let us discuss the potency of something as
seemingly simple as eye contact - for its unspoken weight is a
keenly studied element of social dynamics - especially among the
affluent “Old Money” class.

You see, among the elite, eye contact can communicate
detachment or even disdain - a sharp contrast to the overly
expressive, animated eyes commonly perceived in the “new
money” or eager-to-please ranks of a social group.

However, Western and Eastern cultures also color this unspoken
vocabulary differently.

In Western societies, sustained eye contact often signifies
trustworthiness and invites open communication.

But venture to the East, and the same gaze might be viewed as
brash or disrespectful.

Therefore, while a direct gaze can foster a sense of camaraderie
or even deter conflict - it is far from a universally accepted form of
engagement.

In some situations, a look from someone higher on the social
scale can be less an invitation and more an act of subtle and
acerbic judgment.

You see, in settings where every detail can be scrutinized, such
subtle cues can have significant implications - either confirming
one's belonging in a privileged circle or exposing them as an
outsider.

For example, bows and curtsies function as a ceremonial
vocabulary within the lexicon of high society - serving not only as
gestures of respect but also as subtle affirmations of one's
recognition and adherence to the hierarchical structures that
define it.

These gestures - however - can become points of social
dissonance when participants from more relaxed or “new money”
cultures enter the scene.

Meghan Markle's initial experience with British royal etiquette
provides a vivid illustration of this.

Now, in the complex choreography of social etiquette, even
mundane elements like the use of cutlery - or the seating
arrangement around a dining table - can become weighted with
unspoken significance.

The social codes surrounding these aspects are often most
pronounced among the wealthy and influential - making them
subtle indicators of one's social standing and awareness of
etiquette.

Take, for example, the film Pretty Woman - where Julia Roberts'
character - Vivian - grapples with an elaborate set of utensils at a
formal dinner.

Her initial hesitation and confusion serve as a tacit admission of
her unfamiliarity with the nuanced codes of the affluent.

Edward - portrayed by Richard Gere - steps in to guide her
discreetly - transforming the scene into a vivid illustration of how
mastery or lack thereof over such mundane details as how to
behave at a dinner table can underscore one's social status.

Now, the social nuances of fashion are not merely matters of
personal taste - they are forms of nonverbal eloquence in the
realm of the affluent as well.

The distinctions are often unspoken, yet starkly apparent.

For “Old Money”, fashion is a minimalist symphony of understated
excellence.

You're unlikely to see these individuals in anything less than high
quality fabrics— even if the attire itself appears casual to the
untrained eye - with cashmere, silk, linen, and merino wool being
but brushstrokes on their social canvas.

[oldmoneyluxury]

COMMENT: Can you share with us one iconic story from your life - or a favorite movie or television scene - that demonstrates “nonverbal communication” in social settings?

[Bandpractices]

My grandparents were old money. Shoes. The shoes . I was told as a child, you can wear a so called no money dress but your shoes must be topnotch. If you're wrapped up in jackets, people look down at the shoes and see what class you are in. A nice pair of shoes will get you far. Good manners, nice shoes. Hahahha

[tressyjones]

This was a great video! Quite respectful to all people including Princess Meghan!

[murraypollard]

Polite and nice. Rules as opposed to being scattered, show-off and a slob.

[tarikwildman]

What Cars do each drive ? Let´s have a video on that. It would be interesting. OM drive Priuses, NM Bentleys, but there is much more to it than that a car lover, that would be quite interesting

[samisilverman]

interesting how I am being partially raised by a stranger from the internet

[greenknight]

I learned everything about this from binge watching Downton Abbey. Good manners can open doors

[charlynegezze]

In a Walter Scott novel about 18th aristocracy (forget name) a nobleman and noblewoman are conversing and although the information is quite shocking, they both control their facial expression so as not to alarm the servants and onlookers, which may be another reason for non-verbal communication.

[jeffreyhinzmann]

Lots of good old money fashion worn by Jude Law and Gweneth Paltrow in Anthony Minghela's "The Talented Mr Ripley" from the early 2000's.

[sanatabite]

I love how you select your words very carefully. The script is always very well crafted. Listening to you is like reading a literary book. ❤

[icantwiththis]

My grandmother would just look at me and my cousins and we would stop what we were doing and behave perfectly. One glance from Gramma, and we shivered with fear.

[elipotter]

I had the horrid experience of being seated next to my boss at a breakfast event, where she was so socially unaware of table etiquette, she took my bread and butter plate as she didn't know you're supposed to take the left side plate.

When i subtly signalled to someone on the opposite side of the table to please pass me the spare one from the non occupied setting, this ghastly socially inept woman shouted across the table what do you want, why do you want it, where's your plate? So everyone turned around and stared at my boss.

[Tara-gc]

Thank you, Old Money Luxury, for your insight and education.

[Tara-gc]

One of the things I love about The Calm and Kindly Courtesied actors of classic films is that we get a glimpse from them into the world before WWI, a glimpse into how they were brought up to be, when respect for elders was valued widely and "being decent" was something many can only guess at today. The world we live in today has much confusion, anger, frustration, issues, sensitivities, pain, new hurts, old hurts, fears. And communicating in the midst of it...can be a deep quagmire. There are those who are rude and unkind in any class, who will be offended if one doesn't follow their lead. Therefore, it may take Courage to be Kind.

[tygressblade]

Gestures have meaning. And in the fast paced manner in which tech millionaires have been created…they don’t understand social cues or small gestures. I have ADHD myself. But I understand snubs.

The first that comes to mind is from the Crown, when Mary of Teck bows to her granddaughter Elizabeth I after George VI. Mary of Teck’s simple, focused, reverent and very public bow communicated to Elizabeth…you are the Monarch. One of the more visceral moments of the season. You could look in Elizabeth’s eyes as the haze of grief cleared and she realized what path she had to walk.

[DumbledoreMcCracken]

Conversely, people who "brand" themselves with labels demonstrate their servitude to faceless corporations that do not value anyone, but merely the currency presently held. Slaves today self-brand.

[msairs]

Audrey Hepburn was descended from royalty. even when she's acting like a flower girl, you could see her gracefulness that you dont learn from selling flowers.

[SusanHL]

Vivien Leigh's curtsy to HM The Late Queen at 8:38 is amazing! She was presented at Court earlier in her life, so she knew the protocol!

[Lvaladez]

Maybe even old money has a way of discreetly cutting loose. I guess there will always be those who are a bit crude and ruff around edges. I my self have become to realize I prefer the more quite settle approach where manners and etiquette is sorely missed. Where you show respect to your elders. I'm not about looking down my nose but just looking the other way. Nothing wrong with a curtsy as a show of respect.

[Aarsha-cvlh]

What's the deal with disdain for new money. New money is waaay better than no money 😂 Aping the old money aesthetic doesn't give u entry to the "old money club". They mostly deal with their own kind.Also pretending to have rich ancestors doesn't make u a better person. You cant change your ancestors. You are what you are.