10 Ways To Cope With the Borderline Rollercoaster

Individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder switch back and forth from love to hate at the drop of a dime. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) refers to this as “alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.” This is one of the most confusing symptoms for loved ones to cope with. In this video, I explain the borderline love-hate rollercoaster and 10 things that can help you survive the incredibly painful lows.

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About Lise Leblanc
Lise Leblanc is a Therapist, Life Coach, and Author with over 20 years of experience in therapeutic, educational, and leadership roles.

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DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION IN THIS VIDEO IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL ADVICE, DIAGNOSIS OR TREATMENT. All content is for general information purposes only and does not replace a mental health care of consultation with a health professional.

If you have thoughts about harming yourself, get help right away by taking one of these actions:

Call 911 or your local emergency number immediately.
Call a suicide hotline number. In the U.S., call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) In Canada: 1.833.456.4566
Call your mental health provider, doctor or other health care provider.
Reach out to a loved one, trusted friend.
DISCLAIMER: THIS IS FOR INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR MENTAL HEALTH CARE.

Introduction (0:00)
1: Intense, Genuine Emotions (1:22)
2: Not Their Fault (3:32)
3: Not Your Fault (5:29)
4: They Feel Guilt/Shame (7:13)
5: They Know Something is Wrong(7:53)
6: Trauma Bond (9:08)
7: It's Not Personal (10:31)
8: Emotional Dysregulation (11:30)
9: Things won't get better with increased effort (12:17)
10: You are Human Too (13:11)

#bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #borderline

[ttaylor]

"You have a right to decide how many scars and injuries you will tolerate."

Now THAT is pure gold.

[tb]

That love-hate pattern will truly destroy you, both mentally & physically - it’s not OK, and no one deserves to go through it.

[jaredmello]

Purposeful or not, it becomes the person with bpd’s responsibility to recognize they have an issue and do better and not just be a victim of their disorder.

[lhelton]

This woman is absolutely brilliant, she understands this disorder more than anyone I have watched. I spent 5 years with a woman diagnosed with this disorder and this video is spot on to a tee. All I can say to anyone trying to manage one of these relationships is that its a struggle everyday and your patience will have to be unlike anything you have ever dealt with before. I loved mine more than anyone I have ever loved in my life and it just wasn't enough. I've been out 10 months and the trauma bond still has a strong grip on me and its a very real thing that will push you to your limit so be prepared if you leave as it is not easy. Honestly its hard to say if I knew 10 months ago what I know now if id still do the same thing, its been that hard trying to get back my life. I have cried more times than I probably have my whole life. last thing I will say is if your loosing yourself get out, its not worth your mental health trying to save someone especially if they are not trying to help themselves, my experience with this is it only gets worse the more time passes and will leave you broken and a shell of your former self. If you stay I wish you all the luck in the world and pray for everyone trying you find the happiness that I couldn't. Have empathy and compassion for them even when its hard to, believe me I know that's not easy to do but I know deep down they don't wish to hurt us, I saw the woman I love struggle with this everyday and I know she suffered. I deal with that guilt everyday but I just couldn't do it anymore.

[moonbeamradio]

Being in a bpd relationship has become too much to bear. Constantly regulating someone else’s emotional triggers is exhausting. I need to be out of this

[CMac]

As a man who fell in love, married, and had 3 children with a BPD, I broke down in tears around the 14:25 mark. Last year I was abruptly discarded for someone new with two small children and a 7 month old baby at home. It's been so hard to deal with. The pain is indescribable.

[DavidSmith-xrjs]

It is not their fault they have BPD, but who's fault is it on how poorly they treat others? It's like we are supposed to feel bad that their fists hurt due to punching us in our face.

[johnadams]

I can’t imagine ever living with someone that has this diagnosis or being in a relationship again.
This stuff is real. I believe us people that have been through this are very co-dependent. Find out why. Get to the roots of your own problems.
Find happiness in yourself. Love yourself. Be so healthy that you will attract healthy.

[wajunior]

Some of you say run but the hard part is when you don't notice until after you've fallen for this person, oddly enough they are always the person of your dreams! You get stuck and feel a sense of duty because of your patience. I often feel like people are placed in their lives as angels because everyone can't deal with it, problem is they don't recognize you as strong, to them patience is weak. All along you're exactly what they need.

[leeannebrinley]

Either she has BPD or she has loved someone with BPD - the description is only something that can come from being BPD or loving someone with BPD. I’ve talked to many mental health professionals about being in love with someone that has jt and it has never been anywhere near this spot on.

[kennydileo]

Oh Dear God. I went through this. It's no fun. And don't stay in the relationship thinking you can save them. Save yourself. Leave. Life is short.

[Koga-Ed]

Big respect to everyone who manages to have the internal strength to sustain a trauma bond without losing themselves.

[joeyg]

I can’t believe how accurate every single word is in this. Just in shock. I love my pwBPD more than I could ever love another person but 9 years in and I’m a walking shell of my former self. I don’t believe in arguing and fighting in relationships (because childhood and father nightmares) but I’ve come to realize I’ve just enabled more of this behavior for not drawing boundaries and taking care of myself. I’m not just depressed anymore… I am walking breathing depression in the flesh. Every single word of this video is so factual that I feel shocked. But I also think that it takes a codependent to love a pwBPD well. It’s almost like mother nature designed us for them. Otherwise… without someone to take care of we’re just NPC’s walking around aimlessly in the world waiting to expire

[DannyThomas-fbdm]

This is great content. I dated a Quiet BPD a year ago. I still think about her and miss. I know in my mind I should not think of her. I know it would be bad for my own psychology. Man she love bombed me, hand written love letters every week, told me how amazing I was. Thoughtful loving gifts, cooking. Made me feel so loved and appreciated. I felt like she was the perfect woman for me. Then the devaluation stage kicked in and after only 5 months of dating we broke up. At first I was OK with it but as the weeks turned into months my depression got worse. I cried every day for 2 months straight. Uncontrollable depression crying in public restaurants. It wasn't until I came across a video like this that said what it is like to date somebody with BPD and I listened to somebody talk for over an hour in exact detail everything that happened in our relationship. Finally some one that really understood what was going on helped me get some closure and healing. Nobody loves like a borderline and nobody will hurt you as bad as the borderline (except the NPD) 2 cluster B relationships has wrecked havoc on my health physical and mental. Wish they explained this stuff in highschool.

[timothybeaumont]

27 years and I leave tomorrow to move 7 states away finally. She is the love of my life and I’ll never come close to ever caring for anyone as much as I have for her. We raised 4 incredible kids together that are all working, happy and on their own now. BPD is no joke and it has taken me from a very confident life of the party, drummer in a r&r band, avid outdoorsmen, ect…ect…. All the way down to a shell of my former self because of the endless attacks and being thrown out of our house at least 50 times over the last two years. Everything in this video is spot on and it’s extremely hard to love someone with this and any of the cluster B disorders because of the toll is takes on the significant other or close friends and family members it can be absolutely horrific and leave you just gutted, I know it did me. The worst part of being with a spouse or partner with BPD is that when they finally consume all of you and you no longer hope for anything and are just barely going through your days step by step in hopes to survive without too much screaming and attacks that will keep you up until all hours of the night just depending on how tired she is it just really wears even the strongest of us down. And when she’s finally work you down and emasculated you to where you’re hanging on by the tips of your fingers is she/they will then lose any desire ti be with you because you don’t any longer push back or give her what she needs from you which is for you to be the one in the end that feels like she does inside and she wants ti see you struggle so she can tell your friends and family that you’re messed up and she then uses you and the degree of how far down she’s broken you to prop herself up and make her look good at least in her mind when she ends up in a spot or situation where she has to discuss what happened between the two of you wether it’s a get together with friends or family she will make definite sure that she comes out smelling like a rise and absorbing all the pity and attention she can from the moment and she’ll smear you with lies and made up rhetoric that make her look done wrong and to make you look sick or hateful or mean or whatever and whoever she needs you to look like in order to get her dose of pity and to make you look like shit and she won’t think twice about it even to your completely innocent children because she lacks the understanding that it’s wrong.

[ReadyRise]

This was the hardest one for me to listen to. It's the absolute truth to what I recently experienced. I dedicated so much time and energy to helping her regulate herself and reassure her that despite any boundaries i set or things that disappointed me, i still loved her. She continuously abused that. It led to worse unfortunately. I had to walk away because it just wouldn't stop...she'd constantly prod and antagonize me. Led me back to my bible. When she saw that, she called my bible dumb! Blew my mind the type of crap she would say. Same day would be the loving person that i initially met. I miss that person dearly, but couldn't accept the disdain, contempt, and disrespect from the other side.

[awesomesmasherftw]

Wow. This is so good. I was married to a person with BPD for 23 years. We need a BPD al-anon. Like alcoholics al-anon, but for people who have BPD people in their lives.

[BranniganCarter]

Couple months ago my relationship with someone with BPD ended viciously when I began setting boundaries and telling her she needed to buckle down on her behavior. I’m just glad it’s over

[bikkuri]

I can't be certain that my ex-wife has BPD, but she shows a lot of the signs. I had been tip-toeing around her attitude for 14 years. It wasn't until she cheated on me that I decided that enough was enough.

I can't remember feeling this free and happy!

[misswarren]

I’m in tears watching this I been in a relationship for 12 years with someone with BPD and recently just discovered what I’m going through and I’m not alone I just pray God puts me in a better financial situation to gain my independence back thank you for this video