your pain deserves to be taken seriously

#oppressionolympics

[emmathomas]

My partner's friend and co-worker died this week. Leaving behind 3 kids. So this reminder is well timed where I'd been feeling I knew and saw this person less and shouldn't be feeling so bad.

[MiracleMags]

I once had an older coworker ask me how I was doing and when I said I was exhausted from dealing with my depression and chronic pain, she said “you’re fine. You’re young. What do you have to be depressed about??”
Suddenly, a rare moment of being vulnerable around this coworker who usually didn’t ask about me, turned into her telling me I had no right to exist with a depressive disorder and that my pain wasn’t a big deal.
This coworker also got mad at me when the manager and myself told her I’d been told by multiple doctors not to be picking up the KitchenAid mixers from up high on ladders like usual. She was mad that my medical note trumped her saying she didn’t like being on ladders.
Turns out she’d also been going through a divorce and decided not to tell any of us and coped by being rude and bullying her coworkers and managers. She thought she could get a pass by being in her 70s and going through a tough time. All it did was make us all feel hurt and less likely to reach out to comfort her.

[florabramwell]

Anyone I've ever met who says 'theres always someone worse off than you' is someone I've thought is very unhappy, or has a lot of trouble expressing and getting their own needs met...

[Bou_Diran]

I think i'm going to share this with my mom. Not because of my needs, but for hers. She has a whole laundry list of ailments but always seeks to put others first even when it makes her suffer terrible pain and somedays I wish she would put herself first. She deserves pampering and care.

[megan]

AJR is a great band, and they have a song where they're comparing their troubles with that of their (maybe great?) Grandfather who fought in WWII, and they say "maybe 2 things can be sad". I love that line. Just because someone else also is experiencing something, doesn't diminish what you're experiencing.

[anat]

remember, if one person drowns in the ocean and another in a puddle, both are considered to have drowned

same goes for pain, if you are hurting, you ARE hurting, regardless of the cause

[ZenoSalazar]

Jessica being such a wonderful mother to so many people on the internet with her gentle and kind explanations and compassion for people's needs.

[PhoebeFayRuthLouise]

Jessica has made it easier for me to talk about my disability, and I am so grateful for that!

[stephenm]

I’m trapped in that mind set at times. How dare I feel sad / anxious / stressed when so many people have much bigger issues to contend with and seem to just get on with it

[aurorafraire]

This depression comparison is like saying people can't be happy about their accomplishments because there's always someone happier.

[Arthera]

The first part is definitely describing toxic positivity. Humans have the whole range of emotions and pushing any of them away is a terrible idea.

[DanielleBaum]

heard that when I started talking about my depression 14ish years ago. because you know brain chemistry gives a shite whether I should or shouldn't be happy

[RYA-DRXWZ]

I suffer with this a lot. I have a really good life but when I feel sad and depressed my parents tend to shame me for feeling that way and compare my life to their childhood [they were both heavily abused] it makes me feel like I have to hurt more to be worthy of feeling the emotions I feel which is why I don’t vent to my parents anymore

[tobybartels]

You're telling me that there's someone even worse off than I am? How depressing! That doesn't make me feel happy at all.

[kateluvya]

I have people in my life who will complain about their pain to me, but then immediately back track and be like, "but I'm sure it's nothing like yours, you have it so much worse, yadda yadda" and it makes me feel so guilty. Because what if their pain is worse? What if they are only seeing my bad days and not my good? Should my good days outway those bad days? It just causes so much internal stress because I don't feel like I should be compared to anyone. All I know is my own existence. And just because I can't cope with what I'm going through doesn't mean someone else would do better or worse. I don't and can't know. All I can do is take care of me and not push myself, because things get worse when I push myself.

[meremeth]

Apparently research shows that some people are just more sensitive than others, more easily affected my negative interactions/experiences. And those people are more likely to experience depression. It made me feel a lot better to know, its just who i am. I cant help that im so caught up on things that others are able to just brush off. And i shouldnt dismiss my feelings just because its not universal.

[lyndsaybrown]

Why should someone else suffering make anyone feel better? It just makes me feel worse. Like, society is failing not only me but even more people. Maybe something should change.

[Debble]

The saddest sod rule. That there is just one sad sod that gets to be sad and that sod will be so sad its ridicoulous

[strmclwd]

Thanks, Jessica. I needed that reminder today. 🧡

[themayhemofmadness]

The biggest and most destructive lie I’ve ever told myself is “I’m okay, and can get through it. It’s not that bad because others have it worse.”

The sheer number of those words triggered fibro flares, arthritis issues and chronic asthmatic bronchitis and/or other chronic health issues are incalculable at this point.