The ways you GIVE IN to the narcissists to KEEP THE PEACE

ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"

JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM

JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK

SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST

GET INFO ABOUT MY UPCOMING PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS

LISTEN TO MY PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"

DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[safvan]

When you’re always walking on eggshells with the narcissist and want to avoid any confrontation or negative responses, it’s like you feel like you’re conditioned to always please them by feeding their ego just to keep them tame, and not start any problems.

[GellaHumbug]

Keeping the peace doesn’t work when the narcissist wants drama.

[NarcSurvivor]

You may often give in to the narcissist just to avoid drama. They make take it as though you’re under their thumb, or as though their false self is just too irresistible. They can’t understand that you’re just a kind, accommodating person.

[surajswatej]

Don't engage Don't argue Don't trigger them....but anything and everything triggers them. Only we don't know what and when.

[alexalofi]

Just seeing me was enough to trigger my narcissist father. I was desperately trying to stay away from him and hide, but he'd come looking for me though the house, and start yelling at me out of the blue. My own existence was triggering him.

[christinemunger]

After 25 years with my narcissistic husband, I got educated about narcissism and got out. I still have to have frequent contact with him (or rather I have more contact with him than I'd rather) but I know how to handle him now. This is what my radical acceptance looks like!

[carparthero]

if you have to sacrifice your voice, to "keep the peace, " it was never meant to be peaceful. YOU are internalizing the chaos instead.

cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁

[tictactoedias]

I’ve tried every single thing for decades, nothing works . In the end I felt as if I’d been skinned as if my nerves were exposed. I know have complex PTSD and have gone no contact to heal my nerves symptoms and lots of therapy. Slowly but surely I’m getting better. It’s so exhausting when you’re in it . Sometimes I’d wish I could go to sleep and never wake up . Those feelings are no longer there . Thank you Dr Ramani ❤🙏

[familyofmany]

I’ve had people ask me what’s the secret to such a long marriage like mine.
And I never really knew what to say.
Now…. I know that the reason I have had such a “successful” marriage, is because I stayed quiet. I never said a word. It was my silence, that made it work.
This last year has been a hella wake-up call. And what does my husband say?
Why can’t we go back to when things were good?
I. Am. Never. Going. Back.
Never.
I’m done. But I can’t get out.
Yet….
Working on it.

[dlzzthefish]

I’ve become this person out of survival - I’m an over-60, educated, white woman with Golden Handcuffs. I have learned some of these skills in childhood with my abusive Narc mother & a string of Narc relationships in adulthood. Yes, I have CPTSD, anxiety, depression etc. Yes, I’ve had a ton of good therapy. Currently, I’m choosing to stay for the kids. I’ve disconnected emotionally over time with my Covert Narc partner. I find work-arounds to getting MY needs met while not inhibiting his idea of complete control. Far from ideal, it can be done but you must emotionally disconnect, grey rock!! Find emotional support from trusted friends. Not easy, not fun, not what I ever envisioned for myself but it is what it is.

[melaniereed]

Keeping quiet to keep the peace perhaps works with work relationships and other superficial social relationships, does not work well with family and close friendships because the one 'getting along' with the narcissist gives up too much. I was forced to do a version of this with manipulative, authoritarian parents, I just keep myself to myself and waited them out. Unfortunately for me, this created deep habits of distrust of intimacy for me, which I have worked with for decades. However, as a child and teenager, my choices were limited. Tactics to keep the peace is not the way to create healthy relationships, but it is a good way to just get out of the room.

[schindlersredemption]

I've tried to keep the peace for 12 years of co parenting and given in so much to the point that now our child is going to live them. Instead of giving in, I've given up. I'm exhausted and don't want to keep the peace anymore, I just want to live in peace.

[Lisatwade]

100%. It's my belief that God can give someone the tools and mindset to become the tactical immmune person

[turnbacktime]

Perfect example. I needed trees trimmed. Found a guy, arranged payment, told partner I’m taking care of it. He says how much? I say not your business. I’m paying. The guy shows up. Partner starts with questions. Did you go to bank? When are you going? Then I slipped and said the amount. Partner has to weigh on and of course he’d have paid less. I’m tired of having to think and plan ahead to avoid conflict. Sick, sick, sick of it. Phew. Done venting now.😂

[tenningale]

I ignore them as best as possible. If that's hard, just try to not be a target – i.e., don't give them personal info or opinions, don't react, don't show emotions, don't personalize their behavior.

[BobTheSchipperke]

Others do this, but I refuse. It makes me look like the bad guy, but others do see it, too. I stand my ground daily.

[cherrybacon]

I would do anything and everything to keep the peace, but then I became fed up of doing that, and after having had a taste (during the many discards he gave me) of what it was lime without him, I started to stick up for myself more, and answering back. That was when he discarded me for the last time. 🍒

[auntieree]

I feel like my nervous system fought me and I in turn would rebel in my own ineffective ways, but getting out was a huge shock to said nervous system. Realizing true freedom from such abuse continues to eek out insidiously and leaves me baffled in my healing journey. It's a constant start and stop and it's emotionally exhausting.

[yuu_miran]

Thats the thing im a pro at fawning, appeasing, giving in, adjusting and accomodating and agreeing and i hate myself for all of that.

[neowex]

Dr ramani, after a year of watching YOUR videos, i am now that tactical person 💪! I'm so proud of myself and incredibly grateful for your help.... you really changed my life❤❤❤❤