Creating a monster: how men ruin their relationships

After consulting with thousands of men, I've discovered that many of them are complicit in creating the relationship dysfunction of which they complain. By rewarding bad behavior, men unintentionally reinforce their own suffering in a process I call "creating a monster." This is how men ruin their marriages. Alternatively, men would be better off giving in as quickly as possible or holding the line no matter what.

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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.

#psychology #relationship #marriage

[psychacks]

After consulting with thousands of men, I've discovered that many of them are complicit in creating the relationship dysfunction of which they complain. By rewarding bad behavior, men unintentionally reinforce their own suffering in a process I call "creating a monster." This is how men ruin their marriages. Alternatively, men would be better off giving in as quickly as possible or holding the line no matter what.


Buy my book, "The Value of Others"

Book a paid consultation:


Social Media




Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community:

Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com

Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.

#psychology #relationship #marriage

[GLDn]

Orion's right. It's selection.
The wrong girl not only causes you constant struggle, but she blocks you from meeting the right one.

[Guildofarcanelore]

As a father of two daughters I experienced this a few times.
At the first sign of that manipulation strategy we would leave the store.
At each escalation I would say we would not return for a week, increasing with each escalation.
Not only is this behaviour NOT getting you what you want, it’s ACTIVELY IMPEDING YOU from getting what you want.
Once she was done with what we referred to as “this nonsense”, we would discuss ways that she might EARN the toy she wanted, whether that was contributing around the house or (at an appropriate age) earning money to purchase the toy.
I’m really proud of both my daughters and they have grown into admirable, reliable adults.
Oh, and I don’t do ultimatums. Do this by the end of the month or else? Why wait? Do it NOW.

[vryc]

Been married for 28 years. On our second or third date we talked about what we saw as bright lines, what we wouldn't tolerate. Tantrums, violent & uncontrolled anger directed toward the other person, belittlement, cheating, etc. it was all spelled out. It's been a peaceful partnership since the beginning. We also built in mechanisms for reevaluation and communication. And where did we learn this dark magic? From our parents, our grandparents, and a shared commitment to common sense.

[cliffordungar]

You have just reaffirmed how wonderful my relationship was with my wife was passed away 5 years ago and how lucky I was

[mrdude]

“As their behavior reveals they love what they want more than they love you.”Absolute gold.
It is your responsibility as an adult to believe people when they show you who they are instead of entertaining the fantasy of who you wish them to be.

Respect yourself and your peace, much love y’all

[grok]

This is so well explained. I have been making this mistake my whole life. Especially with rude and pushy people.

[SHANG_TSUNG]

The talking stage is where you negotiate dating. Dating is where you negotiate marriage. Some people think dating is supposed to be all fun and games until you wake up one day and realize you are married to a woman you dont even like...take your time to negotiate and evaluate. A failed relationship is better than a failed marriage.

[stephenhennessey]

I raised my daughter by myself. At that age both boys and girls are alike. You see when my daughter demanded the toy I said no calmly. She began to well up with tears. I gently picked her up. She laid her head on my shoulder as I walked her to the car, removing her from the desired toy. Once in the car seat engine running I calmly explained that is not the way we act in public. I offered in the future I could leave her in the car. We went home. The next day we were ready to go into a store. I stopped and calmly asked if she was ready to act properly. She agreed. We had a good time. I took her to McDonald’s where they had a toy in the kids meal. She got a smaller cheaper toy.
Months later we were in a store. A little boy, her age, was screaming that he wanted that toy. The mom said no. He grabbed a glass product and broke it on the floor. On the 5th round of this the manager said one more and you will buy all of them. The mom then decided to remove the boy from the store.
My daughter thanked me for not letting her act that way. LOL

[travis-vu]

Damn, this is so true. Here are some things that completely changed the way I see relationships:
1. I read all books on Mindbloomery, and man... understanding assertiveness and boundaries changes everything
2.. If you keep rewarding bad behavior, don't be surprised when it gets worse. Standards>desperation.
3. Clear communication and standing firm on your values >>>> trying to "fix" someone who disrespects you.
4. A book "Power of Assertiveness: Unlock Your Potential" showed me how to stop tolerating BS and actually build respect in relationships. Game-changer.
5. Love should bring peace, not constant stress. If it feels like a battle, you are probably losing yourself in it.

[Hubertusthesaint]

Over the past five years, I unintentionally created a monster by always being the nice guy—going above and beyond at every turn. This weekend, she got dumped.

Book recommendation: no more mr. nice guy

[Gina_Gem]

Never let them be comfortable disrespecting you and not considering you. It’s not temporary or due to life’s circumstances. It’s who they are. Believe their actions and save your breath.

[Mikeeebestone]

It's quite shocking how little people know about the forbidden book Women Magic Lure by Calvin Reed.

[GrnXnham]

So the bottom line is if she turns out to be insane, just remember, you picked her.

[Johargamigyt]

This was an interesting perspective. The quote from Charmflow Secrets - ''Seduction is about being real, not about impressing others'', fits with what you said. Confidence comes from authenticity, not trying to be someone else.

[behrensf]

unfortunately, we all have to feel the pain of getting it wrong, before we start to get it right...

[banditalley]

"They love what they want more than they love you" hit me like a thunderbolt, it's so true!

[Primorkusha]

This video and the book Social secrets mastery have been a game-changer for me. I’ve already started talking to more people, and I can feel my confidence growing every day. Thanks for sharing such great advice!

[NotONEMoreInnocent]

“He who has the power to destroy something, controls it” - Dune

[rulebreaker]

The more experience you have - the easier it is - to not care that much of losing a woman. Because you don't want just someone. You want the one that can give you comfortable and trustworthy relationships.