The Deeper Reason Why We Can’t Remember People’s Names

I’ve never been very good at remembering people’s names. I know there are tips and tricks you can use to get better at it. But for me, the lesson I needed to learn was deeper, more introspective.

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Joshua Becker, minimalism, minimalist, becoming minimalist, simple living, decluttering motivation, minimalist living, decluttering and organizing, how to get rid of stuff, clutter

[Raine]

I remember the smallest details from a client shoot 15 years ago, but I simply do not remember a person's name from 10 minutes ago.

I make up for it by sharing this with them when we first meet. I'll say something like, "Apologies in advance if I don't remember your name. However, if we chat about something as wonky as what your cousin did in the 3rd grade, I'll remember all those details except for your name!"

About 90% of the time, the other person will laugh and confess they also forget names or some other odd trait. It's actually a great way to break the ice with someone.

[calliemyersbuchanan]

Something I will also add is the importance of pronunciation. Alot of people pull the ol' "oooh that's a tough one. I'm just going to call you ____ to keep it easy." especially with names from different cultures.
I'm a teacher and I always tell my students (even the little ones) that no matter how "used to it" you are from others, please speak up and correct me if i say your name wrong. INSIST that I say it right and I will practice and get it right. If I keep getting it wrong, your names not too hard, im just not working hard enough. I'm the problem, not your name. Also goes for chosen names and nicknames. Many are staunch that they'll only use the "official" name on the roster or even impose their own nicknames without listening to the person. Names can be VERY deeply personal. Getting it right is such a simple way to show respect. 😊

[mariagiakalis]

Dear Joshua thank you for the valuable lesson and the insight. I tend to suffer from the same ego mentality and I'm very bad in remembering names too. But actually your honesty and vulnerability has helped me understand one more thing about myself. Thank you for the bravery and the lesson. ❤

[Jrie]

I used to forget names, too, and it also bothered me. I also realized something very similar. I wasn't truly listening to the other person and focusing on hearing what they were saying and making it a priority to learn who this new person was, when they introduced themself. When I started doing that intentionally, I started remembering names almost overnight. Literally. I would say I'm good at it now. More realistically, I'm good at meeting new people now. :)

[valerieshy]

Excellent points. I think of myself as a very good listener, but it's taken years. All of our brains are working to think of the next thing to say in response to what someone is saying especially when it's an issue that is being hotly discussed or debated. On a personal level - I have an 85%-90% success rate of quickly remembering children's names when I meet 25 of them one after another in the role of substitute teacher. It's important to them to get to know them so I make it a point to remember quickly. Listening and Focusing on others takes practice, but it's well worth it. We can learn so much from each other and remembering names shows that you value people and the interaction. Your videos are always so helpful. Thanks for FAB content!

[valerierogers]

People can be impressed that you even remember their name. When I meet someone I repeat their name, then in my mind I relate the name to someone else by that name, or a song, whatever. I've had more luck recalling that way 😊

[elizabethsummermeado]

Our brains don't retain what it doesn't need for mere survival, sadly. But I learned in college years ago our brains retain names more if we associate an image along with the name. For example I always joke with my elderly patients I'm queen Elizabeth (pointing to my imaginary crown), but let them know I'm hardly queen material but that might help them remember. I love the idea of becoming more intentional of learning others' names. What a good and humbling thing we should all be doing. Thank you Joshua for another great video! 🙏💕

[jwuertz]

I have become comfortable with asking again, "tell me your name one more time", if it didn't stick. We're often in environments with lots going on, or meeting several people. I've found folks are generally not bothered, if asked to remind me. I met new neighbors, just after Santa came by on the fire truck, so 4 names for the parents and kids, in the cold, with the kids all hyped up, and I asked the mom's name again, and it stuck. :)

[licoreen]

I completely relate to this. I will tell the person a minute after introducing myself, “I’m so sorry. Remind me of your name.” Half the time they will tell me either ask me or confirm my name too.

[Cindys-bcdp]

I used to be excellent at remembering names together with faces. Over time, however, the combination of an aging brain and making many acquaintances over the course of a lifetime has made it harder for me.

[dollydaisy]

When I meet new people I feel a sort of fog come down over my brain as they make introductions, it's a bit like panic. Not only can I not remember names I can't recognise people out of context, I'm ok in the situations where I normally see them but unless I know them very well I can't recognise them in new places.

[chrischabre]

Thank you for this observation Joshua! I remember your name because Joshua was my late husband’s favorite person in the Bible!

[Carole]

As a person who gets distracted very easily, remembering people's names has always been very hard for me. I will definitely try your tips.

[Santaheckler]

People should also be very forgiving of others not remembering their name and not associating it with not remembering “them” as people. I am not my name nor are you and that’s a good thing. Great video Jim! 😆

[whatfun]

This is incredibly interesting. Who has not struggled with this? You meet new people, shake their hands, exchange pleasantries, and then 15 minutes later you can't recall their names. And then next time you have to cover up, try to figure it out in some round about way, or sometimes (I do this often now) just fess up. But still, why? I think you have it correct, Joshua, that it's probably due to excessive self-focus, but you don't strike me as particularly egotistical, and I'll say that for me it's a self-focus borne of a preoccupation with seeming adequate. Not wanting to be known so much as seeming to be socially sufficient.

[livnJC]

I look forward to your weekly videos. Thank you!

[brenda]

I struggle with names because of social anxiety and I struggle with really listening and catching their name because my focus is on being nervous. If you “look” like a different name than what you have, it’s double trouble for me— my acquaintance Tracy looks more like a Sheila and my former coworker Susan looked more like a Donna. My struggle is real. 😂

[dbartz]

Great video! Thanks Jason! Lol! Sorry, I couldn't resist!❤

[jenniemurphy]

You are absolutely correct. One of my goals for 2025 is to become a better listener and your message today will help me achieve that goal. 😊





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[ropeblaster]

Not comfortable in social situations. Don't want to be there. Gotta solve for that lol.