Stop being a good girl

& thank you to top tier patrons!
Grace Francis
Caroline Dunn
Scott Dunlap
Melvin Teagai
Timothy Lum
Leslie Lanfranconi
Frank Martinez
Vanessa Khoo
Marcus Lechner
Ryan Herrington
Zayda Fleming
Steven Winston

connect

shot by Eric Lombart

produced by Amber Grace

edited by Timothy Hautekiet

grip - Melissa Gasca, John Lee

sound - John Lee

gfx by Bethany Radloff

[Xambriel_]

I was often praised for being quiet, overly polite and "mature for my age" as a child, guess who stuggles with socialization, self expression and boundaries as an adult :)

[SaschaBuerk]

A therapist told me depression is the reward for being a good kid all your life.

[ReynaSingh]

It really does always go back to childhood

[mhansond]

And by this, ladies and gentlemen is one of the most important lessons you learn as an adult, not everything taught to you is right, justifiable, or righteous.

[droid]

"The majority of our adult life is spent trying to make up for the issues of our childhood." I don't know when or where I heard it, but it hit me like a brick.

[rimpasinha]

As an adult I have learnt being unloved is ok .... Jst self loathing is cruelest thing taught to us in order to become a good girl

[carola]

"Be a good girl!
This isn't how I raised you!"
Don't talk back (don't express your opinion)
Learn to control your emotions (never cry)
Be submissive (always do as told, no question asked)
Be a good girl (pleases everyone you see, every family member, right or wrong)
Behave like a woman (sat quietly, still, no opinions, no complains)
Be a sensible child! (Think of your parent's problem as the oldest child, think and took care of your siblings. Give up.)
Be successful (must excel in everything in one take)

The story of my life

Edit : sending a hug to everyone, because i'd want one myself.

[crazykenna]

Parents: Don't have needs, expressing your discomfort is bad.
Me: I will internalize this and never learn to talk about my needs.

[btblessed]

Elsa said it best, “Let it go; That perfect girl is gone!!” Honestly Frozen is such a good metaphor for what you’re talking about, oddly enough. I’m glad that is the message being sent to the next generation. They are being taught early on to live their truth!

[lexi]

there anyone out there who wasn't traumatised by their childhood?
Ngl part of the reason I'm hesitant to find a partner and produce offspring is because I don't want to screw up my kids...

[agoose]

I was praised for being innocent and not talking about boys. I'm terrified of relationships.

[AlissaSommerregen]

I was raised to not stand in the way, see other people's needs before they express them and not to bother others with my problems but solve them myself. So here I am not really knowing what I want, but instead subconsciously adjusting to everybody else's needs and being to self-conscious to ask others for help.

[veara]

I was taught not to cry to be a good girl and praised when I endured stuff. No wonder I work so hard in appearing strong and have hard time showing my vulnerability.

[natkai]

This hits way too close home... For me, I was taught that being a good girl means never showing any negative feeling, obeying without asking, but at the same time being "assertive" and strong, never showing any fear, and looking clean, femenine, perfect 24/7... Guess who developed mental illness??
Now I go to therapy every week, trying to be perfect was literally killing me :(

[Natalie-]

I'm only 17, and watching you has taught me so much about how issues from your parents affects you in the future, so I can notice these childhood events WHILE they're happening! Hopefully it will reduce the harm it seems to cause adults. I still have all my trauma from my much younger childhood, but stuff that could have really harmed me as a teenager I learned to understand and cope with before it hurt me later. Thank you so much!💖

[tapiocapearl]

That’s why i find being a parent so terrifying. I am obviously going to make mistakes, and they are going to suffer for it and have to go to therapy decades later.

[laurencerousseau]

I've been praised for good grades my whole life because our education system reward good grades only.

[uv]

This sentiment resonates so much with me. This past year, i was in a draining friendship with a close friend that I had romantic feelings for, but they weren’t sure about how they felt about me. I thought that if I was perfect in every way - funny, caring, beautiful, they’d eventually come around to love me. 8 months I waited around, to finally hear a proper “no” and I was shocked. After that, I spent a looong time figuring out the past so I could move on. Being perfect did not make that person love me.

So I came to a couple of conclusions that seem really basic but were groundbreaking for me (due to my people-pleasing habits HAHA):

1. Everyone deserves to be loved. Think about why you love your It’s not because they do stuff for you, or love you back, or are always nice. You love them for being them, for their quirks and flaws and everything that makes them THEM. Even if they’re annoying and inconvenience you. You can’t explain why you love them, but you know you do.

2. Sometimes you have to take the risk of not meeting some standard and seeing if people still love you. I left a friendship with my best friend of 8 years because I found that I had to constantly monitor myself as she didn’t like my flaws and couldn’t accept me as I was. It was making me scared of expressing my true authentic self in front of her and I couldn’t accept myself the way I was. Even though I miss her, I think I made the right choice.

I hope this helps someone, and remember, we’re all mediocre and deserve love :) ❤️

[AndreyZenperial]

Being a guy, I definitely agree that we manifest the way people treat us based on the way we treat ourselves and behave in the first place. You go queens⚡️🤍

[swisstrader]

It does all go back to childhood, but there’s also a reason why your windshield is bigger than your rear view mirror.

Keep moving forward not backward.