Shame As A Prison

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A sad reality about Complex Trauma is not just that it results in shame; it's that the shame becomes a prison, keeping us from changing, growing, becoming healthy. Tim explores the many sophisticated layers of security in this prison that all work to prevent us from escaping - from growing.

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[Karenanne]

Tim Fletcher is so easy to understand & hits so so many truths for so so many people. Including me 🙋‍♀️

[fleabag]

It feels like i just cant change, I know I'm aware of my shame, my people-pleasing ways, my control issues, perfectionism, caring too much about the opinions and thoughts of other, I am paralysed and stuck in anxiety, I feel hopeless some times so I try my best to keep to myself now and isolate myself, being around others is so so exhausting I am always on alert, always on edge

[Kittykittycatcat]

It seems like shame is the ultimate abusive relationship

[Lyrielonwind]

What an accurate description of the shame spiral! The details of singing while cleaning and remembering my siblings making fun of me. For some reason, in my family singing for the sake of singing and expression is a sign of madness and showing unexplained joy for being alive is shameful. How bitter they were at seeing joy! How miserable must be a person to be bothered by someone else's joy!
Thanks again, Tim.
I'm going to save this piece of art because I know I will need to hear it again to battle and not get stuck in any trench.

[CinnamonCrunch-zh]

This man is a God sent. You just described my whole life. I just realized that all my guilty feelings are nothing but shame and fear 😢

[TrueSelfWalkAway]

Physically sick in stomach after listening. This is my thinking forever. It feels very hopeless to get thru. I do have some help & have lost so much in past year.

[billiemaher]

I notice my shame was a protective part when I was younger because it made me small, quiet, unobtrusive and apologetic. Now as an adult if I feel vulnerable or tired or upset or angry or sick my body reacts by triggering my shame. Shame I can't be perfect or happy or healthy. It tells me I am broken or faulty and need to withdraw from everyone around me. It shuts off my access to love and ability to accept love from others. It's so isolating and exhausting. Healing is possible but it definitely does take time!

[cherylgleason]

Tim, that abrupt ending was brutal. After leading your listeners into the pits of despair with that closing letter, at least spend a few minutes leading one back up the trail to a positive space with some positive affirmations and encouragement. Remember folks, stay vigilant and keep putting one foot in front of the other. "I am worthy, I am worthy, I am worthy. I am a precious and beloved human being simply for being human. Any and every effort I make towards being more healthy in any way is counted and valued in the annals of eternity."

[harami]

I've been living comically literally in this prison for the past 5 years. After failing the grad school, I came back home and locked myself. I even stopped checking my social media accounts under the heavy shadow of shame. At first, I genuinely believed that it was just a break to figure out my true calling. I would let myself to be, sharpen my skills, and come back stronger. I was tragically naive. I glamorous prison break plan had been nothing but the sinister, gulish plan of Shame's head of torture office, agent perfectionism. It took three to four years that I yielded to this fact that i am here for a lifetime. The prison is my life. I will keep listening to you, though. For a moment, I almost remembered the taste of hope.

[mr.increediblle]

I am 35 and hid away from the world due to massive amounts of shame for most of my life. I have done things that, if they were to come out, would make me lose friends and family (it is not illegal).
I wish i found videos like this, had a mentor or youtube was a thing when i was a teenager. I have struggled for more than half my life and kept every single thing to myself, not sharing anything with a single soul.
It all makes sense now because i am a perfectionist and try to control everything (someone said that it was due to childhood trauma and not being in control as a kid)

[Paulathompson]

If only you were my therapist 30 years ago, wasted decades on "therapy" that went nowhere 😢😢😢

[robertafierro]

There's aback story to every problem that pops up. Years long resentments run deep. Best thing I ever did was to leave.

[Cameron-qmyp]

It's tremendously hard but worth it. You are worth it.

[jobunny]

The last bit was so heart breaking. I know that self imposed prison very well. Looking from the outside in, it's soul shattering witnessing someone punish themselves for doing something as simple as waking up. I've been punishing myself for so long.

[Brandon-xn]

THANK YOU!!!

You are answering questions I have had since I was a child and throughout my years.

The way you explain it is very easy to understand and comprehend.

This information has magically opened my eyes to the cause and effects that has controlled my entire life. But not no more...

I can now see others going through the same and will definitely send them your way.

[yaguabina]

The mom scenario is exactly what happened to me except I ended up cutting out my entire family. I have been struggling with crippling shame and this video is exactly what I needed.

[stohandmadejewelrycraftcorner]

This is me 100% all the time. I started feeling some anxiety just listening to this, but it help me to understand what is happening. Thank you so much.🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

[anamikaawasthi]

I forgot all my childhood experiences and always puzzle later in life for my own wierdness
Thanks to Tim, for bringing back my memories, now I know how all my life decisions make sense

[Lynx_Mercury]

I found Tim through Theo Von's podcast. He hits the nail on the head. All of his videos are so informative and healing.

[skjelm]

You gave my apathy a name - I now can see my "prison" and why I struggled for nearly a year now to get help.
I thought it was depression without the black cloud - but it is/was shame all along.
Whatever, big thanks to you, I listen to a lot of your lectures, but this one hit the spot. Thank you very much!