Understanding Trauma Survival Responses: Fawning and People Pleasing w/ Dr. Kate Truitt

In this psychoeducational video, Dr. Kate Truitt introduces the trauma survival response fawning, or people pleasing. This response is learned when we understand we can appease the perpetrator in order to stay safe.

Fawning is very common in children who grew up in chaotic or dangerous homes. It ensures us that we have value to the person hurting us by aligning with their beliefs, desires, and needs; seeing who and what they are; and finding ways to be supportive of them. This can lead to an undervalued sense of self, since our own sense of self doesn’t help us survive. Fawning can also cause a devaluation of self, lack of boundaries, overextension, and self-sacrifice.

Dr. Kate explains that there is an opportunity to change the fawning process by identifying what our wants and needs are. If we haven’t done this before, this can be very difficult. When we are fawning, every behavior we do feels like a “need to” behavior. “Need to” behaviors are really tied into our core biology, however by taking a loving step back we can ask ourselves if we need to or want to.

By mentally categorizing our behaviors, we can start to move into agency within our relationships. This is an exciting opportunity to learn more about who we are.

#peoplepleasing #stoppeoplepleasing #neuroscienceoftrauma

Dr. Kate Truitt is a clinical psychologist, neuroscientist, as well as holds a MBA in Healthcare Administration. She is the CEO of the Trauma Counseling Center of Los Angeles, Chairman of the Board of the Amy Research Foundation, and leads her flagship organization Dr. Kate Truitt & Associates located in Pasadena, CA. Her teams of expert psychologists and psychotherapists provide individual therapy, group therapy, executive coaching, and neurofeedback throughout California via telehealth.

© 2022 by Dr. Kate Truitt All rights reserved. No part of this video may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, without the written permission of the copyright holder.

[ErikaNeilLCSWJD]

Love this Kate- “need to, want to, don’t want to.” Very helpful guide for an experienced fawner!

[Hummingbird]

This was a great summery of what fawning is and how to overcome. I am 37 and just learning about this concept, wow! I have been on the healing journey for a long time and made so much progress but only now realizing there is a name to my coping mechanisms since I was a kid.

[cloui]

I used that response growing up, thank you for validating it ! Learning to set boundaries was the most life changing thing I did for myself as well as building emotional intelligence (they go along, now I know) :)

[isabegreen]

Good day Dr Kate. This was really helpful to me in accordance with my marriage and boundary issues my husband has been experiencing - tnk u. You shed the light on boundary issues like 'Me & Mommy are one', to 'I am separate'. You linked the compliant with 'please and appease' survival. Through your positive spin on fawning and the 'easy' way to manage it into better boundary development, you gave me hope that the development of boundary gates of 'I need to', 'I want to', I might want to' and 'I don't want to' is actually still possible. Vey grateful 3 u!

[georgiasam]

I was most definitely did this in my past.

[ccharles]

I love how you put a positive spin on all of these behaviors by mentioning the opportunities to make changes!🤗

[electricyouare]

There's only so much beauty a man can handle before he loses his ability to focus. The soothing voice doesn't help..

[Heyokasirenieisxso]

im a fawn /fight male there is hardly information on us thank you for providing some insight on fawn types

[lauriegills]

This is a lot for me to process. But so good!!!

[awaisjamil]

thank you so much, this is exactly what I needed

[CeriDalton]

Interesting about identifying needs and wants in the context of boundary setting, would be interested in learning about needs in terms of being able to reach out and communicating them to the people around someone who used to be very good at this, a very neglectful long term relationship had left me very out of of touch with myself struggling identify and meet my own emotional needs and communicate them effectively to others

[michellemoore]

57 had no contact with my mother for 12 years. She's 78 now. I'm staying with her and struggling with childhood trauma. It just keeps bubbling up. I'm trying to move forward .... I had no more broken, like I've made no progress in my life? How can that be?

[philipholding]

The flight, fight, and freeze responses are autonomic ( involu tary). However, the fawn can not be autonomic because you need cognition to reason and placate the predator. Therefore, it is not an automatic survival response like the others. it's a learnt behaviour.