Why Anxiety and Depression Are Connected: Avoidance and Willingness With Painful Emotions

In this video, we’re going to talk about one way that depression and anxiety are linked - avoidance - and the antidote to avoidance - willingness.

Depression and anxiety are closely connected, with many people experiencing both at the same time. This isn’t a coincidence. Rather, the way we respond to stress and painful emotions may determine whether our anxiety or depression grows.
Avoidance can cause both depression and anxiety, but an antidote to avoidance is willingness, practicing the skill of allowing yourself to feel your emotions without needing to make them go away.

Why depression and anxiety are linked
Depression and anxiety comorbidity
Stuff you do that makes depression worse

Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC, and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.

About Me:
I’m Emma McAdam. I’m a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and I have worked in various settings of change and growth since 2004. My experience includes juvenile corrections, adventure therapy programs, wilderness therapy programs, an eating disorder treatment center, a residential treatment center, and I currently work in an outpatient therapy clinic.

In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.

Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC
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[jimwoodman]

I have been depressed for a long time, but after taking mushrooms few months ago, l feel much happier and highly motivated and my ADHD gone, lost a ton of anxiousness and had a few epiphanies about how I should live my life. I decided to buy an ounce for backup, but haven’t yet felt the need to take any more since then.

[chevyferret]

A counselor once told me "When you're numb to pain you're numb to joy." I never forgot that.

[tessjones]

I am 70 and isolated but I see that I still need to change and start to get out there if I am going to get better .Thank you.

[sharonr]

I have done CBT, ACT, DBT along with years of therapy and I have never heard a simpler explanation for the punishment I am doing to myself by avoiding and suppressing my negative emotions. Explains why I cannot feel joy or gratitude. Growing up I was told I was too sensitive and to 'buck it up' and get on with life. No one showed me how to handle major emotions in a healthy way. I am now learning, albeit slowly, in my 60's. Thank you.

[joeker]

Getting better at feeling instead of just feeling better..
Words I never heard that way.
Really nice

[lauriedonnelly]

This was so eye opening. I am a trauma survivor and just realized how much I live in avoidance

[lucasvalente]

As a sociologist, I can say most of our depression comes from social pressure such as economic and cultural like the need to be happy, perfect, rich and beautiful whereas in reality the vast majority of us are strugling just to make ends meet. To make things worst we internalize all these external demands and if we fail to respond to them we feel guilty and a failure in life. Thank you for the psychological aproach. Awesome video!

[paulhedron]

I have had depression and anxiety for a long time and I could never understand how they are related until now. I just had a light bulb moment. Thanks for that explanation. Wow.

[IdaBrun]

Reminds me of a quote by Jonathan Safran Foer : “ You cannot protect yourself from sadness, without protecting yourself from happiness”

[julie-joyvoss]

You are a FREAKING genius. What a gift from God finding you on YouTube today. Thank you so much for doing what you’re doing.

[terimurphy]

This is eye opening. I don't feel joy, I used to, then I lost my parents and found out my husband cheated before our marriage and my joy just left. I no longer want to live because death is inevitable so why bother being happy. All of this self protection against hurt... This is eye opening. I want to feel joy again

[airamae]

This is so true! When I was depressed throughout high school, I did not develop many meaningful relationships because I was trying to numb out pain from past relationship/friendship experiences and did not want to feel the same negative feelings with any new relationships/friendships. When senior year came around and everyone was graduating, I ended up feeling even worse because everyone was bonding even closer with each other, reminiscing on their high school memories, wishing their friends the best of luck in the future, and showing so much love and support to one another but I did not allow myself to receive the love and joy coming from relationships/friendships due to avoidance (trying to numb out pain). Now I realize I could've done so much more in high school, even if I had to get my feelings hurt once in a while. Just a personal story that relates to this video. Hope some people could learn from this as well! :)

[sohvidarity]

God. This hit me so hard, this is literally me. I'm INCREDIBLE at avoiding stuff. Thank you for posting this, after watching I feel like I'm at the precipice of feeling so much better. Now all I have to do is leap in and start trying, if only it wasn't as scary!

[jasonjackson]

This video deserves a marching band fanfare thing with falling confetti and so on. Top of the list.

[andreas]

Emma, I truly appreciate the way you explain things in plain English and you are going to reach many people because of this! Thank you!

[bobbob-dtbg]

Friend of mine just put together a kindle book called 'how watching YouTube cured my depression and anxiety and changed my life' I'd thoroughly recommend it

[jajdude]

During this video I thought of the animated movie "Inside Out" and how important the role of Sadness was.

[DavidDuke-gran_dragon]

Life (well mine anyway) experiences made me this way. Some of us wasn't born into this, but society and/or victim of circumstance through time causes these symptoms to appear.

[sizwe_welcome]

You just blew my mind away with this video. Keep them coming. Thanks a million

[Michelle-ctfg]

You are such a blessing to all of us! Thank you so much for providing this resource, taking time out of your busy schedule to create these videos and bringing true coping skills and "therapy" to those who may not be able to afford it. We are incredibly grateful to you.