is love a social construct?

romantic love is such a powerful force in people's lives. but where does it come from? do our brains naturally crave love or is romance fed to us by social norms and culture?

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* i'd love to hear what you all have to say *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

TIMESTAMPS:
0:00 intro
7:22 part 1: pure biology
15:16 part 2: social construction
24:49 part 3: dual love
31:14 politicization of love

★・・・・・★・・・・・★

SHOUTOUT to the aro people i chatted with:
[ ! ] sammie (they/them) @purplewyvern4015
[ ! ] abel (he/him)
[ ! ] alex (he/him)
[ ! ] bruno (he/him)

thanks @Shanspeare for being the doctor to my 19th century lesbian

socials:
,, instagram: @olisunvia
,, tiktok: @olisunvia (v lame pls don't judge)
,, spotify: liv sun
,, pinterest: @olisunvia (i'm super creative with usernames)

FOR BUSINESS INQUIRIES:

EDITOR:
★・・・・・★・・・・・★

SOURCES:
Fisher, H. 2005. Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love.
Jenkins, C. 2017. What Love is: and What It Could Be.
Beall, A. E., & Sternberg, R. J. 1995. "The Social Construction of Love." DOI:10.1177/0265407595123006
Oseman, A. 2020. Loveless.

MUSIC:
Charles Mayer - Chanson Sentimentale
Déodat de Séverac - Valse Romantique
Albéniz - Barcarola, Op.23
Martin Landström - The High Point
Sergei Bortkiewicz - Nocturne (Diana), Op.24
Sergei Bortkiewicz - Valse 'La mélancolique', Op.27

tags: all about love bell hooks, love, romantic, romance, couple goals, relationship advice, cute relationship, rom-com, eric fromm, asexuality, ace, aromantic, aro, aroce, helen fisher, wired answers your questions on love, carrie jenkins, anatonormativity, feminism, feminist, social commentary, internet analysis, video essay, analysis video, philosophy, movie film tv show, tiktok, shanspeare, jordan theresa, cj the x, tiffany ferg, alice cappelle, contrapoints, philosophy tube, madisyn brown, chad chad, sisyphus 55, tara mooknee, beauty standards, choice feminism

[Violeta-qi]

I LOVED THIS VIDEO. Just a small footnote as an asexual person, asexual people may or may not engage in sexual activities. Being sexual doesn't mean that you'll dislike for sex or lack or have little libido. Even when some asexual do so, the core of asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction. In other words, sexuality is not about action but attraction. Hence, why we consider asexuality a sexual orientation.

That's all, love the video. I'm very happy to see the aroace community represented in this subject since we are typically excluded from these topics. Thank you ✨

[neep]

oliSUNvia: what is love?

me: baby don’t hurt me

[samiatiq]

People are bad at describing love because they often times spend too much time not in love. If you love more, without fear of loss, it will become less foreign to you. But we fear the vulnerability that comes with love and thus end up avoiding it altogether because feelings of affection are weapons that hurt the most when used against you

[LucasGabriel-olry]

The thing I'm most scared about is how long people can love each other in a romantic relationship. How can two people be together for like 30 years and then start hating each other and get a divorce... I don't think I could handle something like that... I'm very afraid of spending a lot of time with someone and that person just gets tired of me...

[OneRadicalDreamer]

I feel like most people enter relationships to avoid being alone more often than out of 'love '. I feel like most relationships are selfish, but when you see people actively caring for each other, making micro gestures of affection not meant for anyone else but them, those things speak louder than anything else.

[gabriellebaker]

"Familiarity makes it so easy to mistake culture for nature". That's the most profound thing I've heard in a long time 💜

[GingerrrPuerta]

As a fellow Aro, I just want to say thank you for letting aromantics express how they feel on this topic. Kinda feels like we’re sidelined most of the time and not really a valid community.

[balohna]

I am a straight cis man and get "lazy husband" TikToks, probably because I have kids so watch some parenting/kid related stuff. I always feel like I'm witnessing a divorce in progress, and the comments aren't much better. However it could be showing that someone you love isn't always the partner you actually want for the long term. Ideally they would be, but there's no rule that says the person that makes your heart race will be a good parent or someone you can rely on to help you clean the house or capable of making wise financial decisions. There's a lot to factor into long term romantic happiness that isn't just butterflies in the stomach or sexual desire.

[zivadavid]

as someone who is both asexual and aromantic, i just wanted to thank you for mentioning both communities and giving us voices in this video. we are often forgotten and the representation just means a lot <3

[paigeselby]

while i certainly believe the modern construction of love has influenced both me and the ones around me- i still believe love truly does exist. yet it remains a phenomenon of humanity. the feeling of loving someone is indescribable- it’s borderline euphoric. so while many want to box in love- it still remains one of the things i believe will remain forever unknown. for the aroace community- there is certainly something to the fact that they are simply different from the socially constructed norm. having a sister who is aroace has allowed me to build some perspective as to how she feels about people she’s fascinated with. the way i feel love, when it comes to romantic relationships, is extremely different from how she would describe her idea of “attraction.” i think it would be wrong to label love as non-existent, simply because the feeling of loving someone in a romantic relationship is something that is reckless, chaotic, and indescribable. and so, even though the modern “view” of love may be socially-constructed, it does not make it any less valid.

[swededontknow]

the idea of romantic love has always been off to me because growing up, my parents never acted like they were in love the same way that movies, books, and even my friend's parents looked. it felt like they came together to be parents, not to be lovers. so because of all that, love to me has always meant all forms of it. familial, platonic, romantic, sexual, all of it to me encompasses love, and all of them give me the same happiness. I've cried when my mother or my friends wouldn't call me or stopped talking to me. me and my best friend in elementary school always wanted to be family, and had a pact that if we weren't married we would start our own. I've wanted to be with someone sexually but not date them, and I've wanted to date someone but not sleep with them. it's always made sense to me that love doesn't just mean romance, and I've always valued all factors of it highly. so when people were baffled at me not dating for the majority of high school and asking if I was lonely, it confused me because why would I be? I have my friends, I have my family, I have people that I love. if someone else comes in, then that's just another person to love.

[krass]

The feeling of love/affection is definitely biological but social norms dictate how we describe it.

[themiserychick]

Me: has fallen in love again with someone just recently
OliSUNvia: Is LoVe a SoCiAl CoNsTrUcT?

[empatheticrambo]

I’m a straight cis white man...my wife is black. When you said at the end “love someone of a different race, ” I realized that my feelings that feel so normal to me were once viewed the way folks who are currently vying for acceptance are feeling right now. Yeah that was a helpful moment to remember how much we have accomplished as society and how we need to go further for people to be able to live their lives

[authentnika]

As an asexual who is also a hopeless romantic, I have so many mixed feelings about this. I don't have a sex drive, I don't feel sexual attraction and I'm childfree, but the thing I want the most in life is to have lifelong partner to spend my forever with.

[katakoo_]

thanks for including the aro and ace communities in your video <3 as an aroace i was kinda worried in the beginning of the video when you talked about the pure biological theory but im really grateful to you for giving us a say in this too

[mothysjar]

as an aromantic person, i was so ready to go into this video and be briefly mentioned once or twice, if not excluded entirely from the conversation. even among queer conversation, discussions on how we define love, and the relationships between sex and love, we are forgotten and drowned out.
the fact that you included aromantic people's voices and experiences, and not only that aromantic ALLOSEXUAL people (which i am, and feel utterly invisible much of the time), was a deep breath of fresh, fresh air.
words can't express how seen this video made me feel.

[marianastrench]

in conversations about love, aroace people are often left out, even though they bring unique thoughts and new questions to the table. So I (an aroace person) really appreciate you getting so much input !

[stxrryd]

as a disabled person, this video is helpful in demonstrating how people feel about disabled people entering romantic relationships. all the time i hear people tell me and my disabled friends, "isn't he dating you for your money?... but you can't have children... but you are biologically lesser value to have a family with... can you even take care of your house?... you don't even look normal. your partner can do better than that. he's just using you for your neediness... disabled people can't be good partners. they aren't physically worth taking care of... marrying someone as a disabled person is abusive... what is he in it for?"
it's contingent on a lot of issues, including misogyny and ableism right off the bat.

[marksmithdp]

As someone who's been pretty happily married for over a decade now. Romantic love in the long term is a lot like familial love, with a mix of those hot hormones mixed in from time to time. Before I started a family and was young like you, I wouldn't have understood it even with a scientific explanation. Much like you've done here. I see my wife, as I see the rest of my immediate family, with one tweak. I'm attracted to her.

It's not the same as the "love" I felt for a girlfriend in my youth. That felt more like a friend, who I was attracted to. This is much deeper than that. A constant humm in the background rather than passionate chaos. Like I said. The same way you love your family. The peace it brings so far is not something I found while single or even dating, and because of that, Love is highly underrated in my opinion.

You should try it.