Coping with the injustice of a narcissistic relationship

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[dooversbydonna]

My ex was a pastor so my name was smeared from the West to the East coast in the pulpit because I left. I lost my family, his family, and one daughter after 28 years of abuse. I no longer ruminate thanks to you Dr. Ramani. My life is my revenge.

[MakaykayLAMB]

The best “revenge” I have ever gotten was moving on from my narcissist and never looking back. Becoming successful without them after they told me that I couldn’t do anything without them.

[raylew]

I feel like justice for me is knowing that my abuser has to live with themselves and their insecurities and regrets (eventhough they won't admit it). But they have no real friends or support system because they've hurt too many people.

[lunas]

I hope this helps anyone needing understanding. My narcissistic ex husband left me ruthlessly. He went on to immediately jump into a new relationship, and my sister kept giving me updates about his new life (even when I didn’t want them, different issue). But his life seemed rosy (beautiful new home, high paying job, great city, SO happy), while I was struggling to make ends meet. Years later I learned he had a severe drinking problem. I share this so that you know their lives aren’t as rosy as they look. They are masters of impression management, especially on social media. But what’s most important is the years of my life I lost while hurt by the injustice. During that time, one of my dogs passed. I realized I missed out on time to create my happy memories. Please don’t let the narcissist take any more of your time. Yes, it was unjust, unkind, and cruel. But live your life free of them. That’s the justice

[daveimus]

Growing up the sadistically scapegoated member of a narcissistic family, it is the injustice of it all, rather than the C-PTSD it gave me, that has been my greatest frustration. To this day, 5 decades later, it is me, rather than the people who tormented and tortured me for 15 years, who is seen by my entire extended family as the person who is in the wrong. And you’re right, Dr. Ramani, there’s no hope for justice; there is only acceptance.

[chakra]

This explains why I get taken in by narcissists. I am a farmer. We suck it up and soldier on when injustice comes in the form of floods, droughts, hailstorms etc. We future fake ourselves and let the narcissistic abuse get out of hand. I need to quit "tolerating" injustice and start "standing up to" injustice.

[tiakarout]

It’s unfair and crazy how they can roam this earth without a care in the world while we suffer in silence and sometimes shame

[marka.]

There is nothing that could happen to my ex narc that would make me feel better; nothing will return the lost time, nothing that happens to my ex will “ right “ the wrong. The injustice is immeasurable.

[luvcstars]

Here’s a funny story:
A couple of years ago my daughter and son-in-law were expecting their first child and I was over the moon, so happy to be becoming a grandmother. I was having lunch with my sister, we were talking about the exciting news and I said joyfully, “Im going to be a grandmother!” Immediately she responded, “Well, you look like a grandmother”. I knew she was trying to put me down and this wasn’t a compliment. I then replied, “Mom is a grandmother and she’s beautiful”. Even though I had a good comeback her put down really hurt my feelings.
So a couple of weeks later I was at her job and one of her coworkers asked if I was her daughter. She frowned and said to me, “I must be looking bad”. Inside I had the best laugh, one of the only times I witnessed karma slap someone right in the face.

[louk]

He always comes up smelling of roses. He’s so charming to everyone. Everyone loves him. My own family refuse to hear anything against him. They think he’s a saint, so patient and tolerating of my neuroticism.

[TheLeedeerod]

I know this is a radical idea, but Narcs never win, it just seems like it. Their cycle of dysfunction is steeped in perpetual messiness. Their flying monkeys are as loyal as their options, Narcs are miserable & broken from the start. They’ll never have joy. Yes, empaths & survivors SUFFER. But our justice comes in getting out, NEVER being a source of supply again, picking up the pieces, & living WELL. Trust me, I’m doing it… 🙏🏾♥️🙏🏾

[heidiklessard]

Dr. Ramani should be honored with a Nobel Peace Prize. She is saving lives and able to articulate so well what is so complex and complicated to untangle. On the behalf of all survivors, Thank You Dr. Ramani from the bottom of our hearts.

[vedicchanting]

One way to accomplish justice is just to talk about this issue of narcissistic abuse more and more. Spread the word, tell people about Dr. Ramani. Help make it socially unacceptable for narcissistic abuse to continue in the workplace, let alone in personal relationships.

[Matrinique]

I was lucky enough to have good people around me during the worst of it.
But yeah, allow yourself to be angry. Anger is the best fuel for change.
And I've found that pulling myself together, trying to make myself better, trying to be someone I would consider amazing, even just trying to take steps in that direction -- every day, patiently, steadily -- helps.

Think about the endgame, ALWAYS think about the endgame. Where do you want to be by the end of all this? How do you want to live for the rest of your life? Make those changes. Let this be your sign to start.

[deirdrethompson]

Based on my experience, the best revenge is for us to become reconnected to our JOY. It doesn't happen over-night, but when we go through the PROCESS of ACCEPTANCE, we discover our JOY again. When this happens this is all the Narcissists needs in order to experience the "Reaping of What They Sowed" or Karma.

[goldilocks]

In the end (after a LOT of healing time) it does come down to a choice of how much more of your life energy and headspace you want narcissists to occupy. It is not so much a matter of getting past it but finding a way to consciously compartmentalize it. Like letting yourself be mad as hell for 10 minutes a day and then forcing yourself to put it back in the box. This is ultimately what has worked for me.

[katherinetomasello]

I was raised by a narcissistic mother, and my form of revenge is the solace I feel knowing that I have the capacity to love, and she does not. She will never know what it is like to fall in love, or even have a real friendship, all because she is too afraid of being vulnerable with another human being. If that isn't a tragedy, then I don't know what is.

[katherines]

For me, the most upsetting part is not so much that I want “vindication” or “revenge” and I won’t get it. It’s effectively that this whole collective of empaths, have, it seems, just been sent here to suffer. Life is just one long experience of suffering. And it’s not so much the injustice I feel from the individual narcissists in my life, it’s the fact that at times it feels like there is little to no social safety net or legislation to protect us. It’s us against the world. I don’t so much want a world where narcissists get what’s coming to them and we can laugh and clap gleefully like a kid, but a world where we empaths don’t have to be constantly on our toes and setting boundaries, and doing all this emotional labor, just so we can live a just ok existence.

I don’t know what the solution to this is. Maybe belief in a higher power and a higher justice beyond this life? Maybe voting, and sending money if we can to causes and charities we care about? It may not change anything, but maybe help give us some sense of meaning in our lives, no matter how small, just so we can get through this life without totally losing it! (mentally)

[rhays]

This is something I have struggled with for years and years. I have been away from the narcissist for over 30 years, but so much was lost in that situation just so I could get away from him. I gave him everything I had worked for up until that point in my young life and had to start over with nothing. At the time, and now, I didn’t care what the cost was because I just wanted to be free of the abuse. But, it’s just not fair that he ended up with every material possession I had and got to go and live his life financially secure. Therapy was very helpful in getting me through the anger, but this still comes up to this day. Not only were possessions lost, but relationships as well, that has had a much longer lasting impact on how I feel for sure.

[puppetproblems]

It's really helping ME (although also sad how prevalent this abuse is in the world) to hear others stories and they are soooo much like mine. It makes me see that I'm not making this up. Being able to call someone to check in, someone who has been in the same situation, feels like the only real therapy. You do, sadly, have to have "been there" in order to fully empathise.

Thanks for your work and your honesty, Dr. R ❤