Do you think I handled this the right way? #hospice #nocontact

[Casiusrogers]

“I have no idea what this person was like in the 80 years before I met them” is so huge!

[dl]

Him telling you to "get out" because of you standing your ground is probably what he was like in life.

[truthsmiles]

“Tell them they HAVE to come!”
And that right there is why they didn’t.

[PsychsolutionswithDrK]

As I psychologist, I am telling you that you did the right thing and handled this case with empathy and professionalism.

[blueshibai]

No contact for 10 years? The patient is rather presumptuous to assume it is YOUR fault for doing it wrong 🤦‍♀️

[cathy]

As a hospice nurse myself I believe 100% you did the right thing on all levels.

[juliacurcio]

The way he treated you is how he raised and treated his son. The demand he made for his son to come and for you to demand his son come reflects the demands he made on his son, his son’s entire life. You showed respect to both parties and that’s huge. You couldn’t have handled this any better. Thank you for your compassion.

[itsjuliam]

I'm a no-contact child. I've been estranged from my father for 22 years now. He's getting on in age now. I carry physical memory of his strong impact in my life. Impact so strong, it altered my breathing and I had to have reconstructive surgery. My siblings know not to call me to his deathbed if the opportunity arises, nor expect me at his funeral. I've had therapy and forgiven him. But forgiveness and fellowship are two very separate issues.

[JLDReactions]

The fact that the patient yelled at you over something out of your control is very telling.

[TBerryhillOK]

I’m an affair child. I only ever saw my bio father in public only to be ignored! I only talked to him privately a few times, all he ever said was how I ruined his life and other crappy things. A year ago I got a call that he had cancer and was dying. I was told he wanted to speak to me. I said no thank you and hung up. Two of my half brothers confronted me about it and tried to guilt trip me. I explained I don’t know him and the few times we spoke it was not pleasant. My attorney received a letter from him after he passed. I told him to read it and if it wasn’t bad I’ll read it. Needless to say I never read the letter, my attorney shredded it. You never know why someone is no contact, respect people’s decisions!

[htpkey]

The biggest mistake in judging a character is assuming because they were nice to you, they are nice to others too. People can be cruel, behind closed doors.

[sandyl]

Your patient showed you exactly how he treated his son!

[ryn]

The personality shift when you told them they had no control over their family member is a good indicator to what type of person they were back then

[virginiapalacio]

You handled perfectly. I am a no-contact kid. I am 55 years old an I still get teary eyed when I remember the horrible way my mother treated me. EVERYONE loves my mom, but they didn’t experience the same person that I did. Thank you for respecting the son’s decision.

[confusedwhale]

Getting yelled at like that is exactly how they were the first 80 years of their life.

Before, you were seeing their public face.

[ryanwilson_canada]

Nurses don't get enough recognition for what they do/have to deal with. When people are angry/sad/frustrated, they tend to take it out on the first person they see, unfortunately, in a hospital setting, 99% of the time, that person is a nurse. So, thank you for doing what you do. I think you did everything correctly, and what you could. You can't make other people's decisions for them.

[AnalogWinter]

The fact that the patient responded by yelling at you is probably a clue as to why his son went no-contact. I’m sorry that you had to deal with that.

[FootHellion]

You absolutely did the right thing. You are a wonderful nurse.

[ShrinkingAllison]

Thank you for not guilt tripping family. I love that you said, “I don’t know how this person was for the first 80 years of their life, ” allowing for the possibility that individuals change, but not assuming that change has occurred.

[PowerhouseCollectiveMedia]

Oh hun, as a former live in caregiver, that part you said “I have no idea what that person was like the previous 80 years”… THIS holds the key! I can tell you there were PLENTY of times that I witnessed an elderly individual’s adult children & all the ways they cope with responsibility, or attempt to live their own lives, after having grown up with a highly dysfunctional, even abusive, parent… & before getting into caregiving, I never really had preconceived ideas about family members who did or didn’t visit or spend time with an elderly member I honestly never really judged or assumed one way or another… it’s so important to attempt to keep your own thoughts & feelings out of the picture & accept that there are adult children who definitely feel like they have valid reasons not to want to deal with said elderly family member; some will share details, while others just won’t go into it, they keep if general as possible, because it’s still too painful or traumatic to relive their childhood memories with that person. So they try their best to just stay away & move on with their life. unfortunately, some of those elderly family members take whatever denial they’re living in to their grave. Don’t cry, you did the right thing by drawing boundaries, by not overstepping & trying to make the son come visit & this patient of yours clearly has a problem with boundaries, or he wouldn’t have talked to you how he did, as if it was your job to sway the son, when you really have no clue what all is part of that before you entered the picture.
You did the RIGHT THING.