HOW TO DETACH | DR. KIM SAGE

This video describes the experience of detaching as it relates to attachment theory, and how to internalize detachment without leaning into indifference and avoidance.

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xo

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[fairplayer]

A lot of people have internalised the Buddhist mantra that “all attachment leads to suffering”. They ignore the basic reality that all human life begins with a search for secure dependable attachment of an infant to its caregiver. There’s no contradiction. A secure attachment is required for a healthy detachment later when its role is fulfilled.

[LFT]

Self worth is really the key. I had been so emotionally shut down because I didn't vent my anger. One day I had had it, and I vented all my frustrations out loud when home alone. I noticed I felt better afterwards. I realised that all feelings are valid, they need to be expressed. However they may not all be justified, so using discernment to question them is important as well.
When I was able to express my boundaries by saying: "That was not ok. I won't be treated badly. I deserve better". I was able to feel the anger turn into confidence and self worth, which has helped me out of depression.

[eileendom]

Finally someone who still believes people who need people aren’t doing anything wrong. I also know you have to be able to be your “other”

[anniemac]

Thanks Kim 🌷
Your room styling is so calming, soft and relaxing.
I'm 63 with Cptsd,  mother and father narcissistic, and grew up with wounds that led me to choosing more Narcissist people and partners in my life.
I wish I had information and knowledge when I was younger. I realised my mother was a Narcissist in my 40's when there wasn't much information on the internet. I agree with you regarding the swamping of the term Narcissism on some of your other videos however, the upside is people are more aware of their trauma and pain due to childhood wounds and have more support, help and information.
I have detached myself completely, have low self esteem and have become hermit like to protect myself from 'dangerous' people. My therapist who specialises in Childhood trauma, is a wonderful support and your video mirrors her advice.
I live in Australia and watch all your videos, they are such a help. With Love

[venyahh]

I only recently recognised my tendency to fall into a limerent state as a coping mechanism. And it was earth-shattering. Recently, I met someone and felt connection, and made some far-fetched assumptions. Having not heard from them for a week now, I realised that I'm losing myself over that obsessive preoccupation with what they will do and ignoring my needs. Self-awareness is useful but I find some of those strategies are incredibly hard to put into practice. And some days, I just don't have the energy to conquer those feelings.

[ViZoNo]

I’ve never heard the term “mothering yourself” and it really spoke to me.

[spiritualtransmissions]

Another video that feels like it’s made just for me! You’re doing God’s work.

[LisaSmith-ybuz]

This is probably one of the MOST thorough and thoughtful explanation of the Actual real life challenge of practicing radical acceptance ❤🙂

[sherryf]

I almost didn't watch this because of the title of the video but I'm glad I did!
Certain words really stuck out. Despair, desperation & deprivation.
"We care because we are wired to care." Yes!

[moomintroll]

You're helping me. I'm 71 years old. My mother was diagnosed with BPD.

[christinelong]

Geez... i feel like you are trying to teach me and give me answers to all of my unanswered questions . LIKE why can't i let myself be loved or even liked again. I never thought of my childhood as being abandoned. They were there physically, it is just that bad things happened and i had NO ONE. That is abandonment. Thank you

[Me_Queen]

Thank you so much. I really apprecitate you sharing this. Honestly, its been a struggle to attempt to act like I don't care when in all reality there was much hurt inside me for many years and still healing from it. Thank you again 🙏🤍

[gl]

Dr Sage, your efforts really benefit people like me. I am learning for helping others especially for young generations. Your teaching has a unique way of making complex psychological concepts easier to understand. thank you ! May God continually use you blessing people ! ❤❤

[CleverestWitch]

I have PTSD and BPD but I have a lot of trauma from my childhood that I only recently started realizing. It's possible it could actually be c-ptsd for all I know. I have anxious attachment and abandonment issues. So I'm gonna keep listening to videos like this because frankly they're helpful.

[mssmith]

I don’t have the words to express my gratitude for you and your channel. It is truly a godsend.🙏🏽 Thank you is not enough. May God continue to use you to help heal. 🙏🏽❤️‍🩹

[DahliaDance]

Exactly what I needed at 4am - obsessing and ruminating over a break up turned messy and confusing bffs. 😔❤️‍🩹

[tro]

EXACTLY! Thank you for the research and the pragmatical approach in HOW to. Other detach videos are only providing anecdotal based solutions with no literature and lack instruction on how to release.
now to get it done.. 🙃

[MissSarahGM]

It's been helpful. I am trying to detach from my mother (72) who has been giving me silent treatment for a year. For no reasons, and that gives me so much toxic shame. And also detach from my emotionally unavailable avoidant ex who sporadically contacts me, but I know I must expect more and I deserve more. My whole relational reality is about rejection, shame, and feeling like I don't deserve.

[BG-itol]

Im so grateful to have found your channel

[angelmossucco]

You’re a beautiful soul and your analysis is so helpful.