Examples of open relationship rules

If you’re new to an open relationship, you may want some examples of open relationship rules. That’s great! Having some healthy ground rules in place — and learning from those who have done it before — is a great place to start. If you’re both on the same page, opening up your relationship is likely to go more smoothly.

One thing I’ve learned over the years, is that some open relationship rules are better than others. In fact, some open relationship rules can actually make things WORSE. (We definitely don’t want that for you). In this video, we’re going to cover:

+ Why couples set rules for their open relationship
+ Examples of common, but unhelpful, rules to avoid
+ Examples of some “starter” rules you can use as you begin to open your relationship
+ Taking Your Rules To The Next Level: Something to Try Instead of Rules

What rules have you tried in your open relationship? Share in the comments!

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[johnbines]

I've had 4 failed attempts at an open relationship. They start out great with both of us discussing what we want. What I wanted was the freedom for us both to explore both inside and outside sexual connections with others while maintaining a healthy, intimate relationship between the two of us... what I ended up with was a lot of confusion, my partners becoming totally consumed with hookup culture and outside connections to the degree that we'd be so disconnected that I might see them scarcely. When we did connect, I'd always say "phones down and let's focus on us". Only to be interrupted by a new lover on the scene or my partner sneaking into the bathroom to check messages and communicate. I feel the intensity of focus shifted to whomever new was in the picture. I still would like to find a partner with whom I could have a healthy open relationship with but its painstakingly hard.

[TinyWorlds]

Had the no talking rule suggested by my ex - was something that really didn’t feel good to me, like hiding a part away of yourself. Instead of avoiding hurt it just created emotional confusion/ chaos at times

[libraboyfriend]

Wow. Was wondering why my newly open relationship has been a struggle so far. It’s because we had a lot of these unhelpful unrealistic rules in place. Thanks for this.

[daynarogers]

My partner, likes to tell me what his connections do better than me, he picks them over me sometimes also. This is something that bothers and causes a lot of jealousy and insecurities for me. With my connections he wants every detail how turned on I was what we did how many times did they get me off etc…
I feel like it’s all about competition with him, he says it’s how he gets to know me better….all I’m feeling is sick.

[chad]

I won’t let my boyfriend see someone I have a history with or that I do not like. It might sound controlling but it’s for the best. And absolutely no ex boyfriends .

[martinafairydust]

Thank you, I found this very helpful❤

[JosephEudave]

Hi.
Im starting my first open relationship, i have so many questions to address with my partner that I feel overwhelmed sometimes.
But your videos are helping me figuring out what is the healthiest path to choose.
Thanks so much

[adgandd]

2:45 Its basically one of my greatest reservations about Open.

[aNaturalist]

Isn't eliminating the "no feelings" rule making polyamory more likely to evolve? What if a couple does not want to end up being poly?

Now, I've been swinger and poly, and not at the same time. I do believe there's a middle ground with some feelings, but it still not becoming polyamory. Very few people talk about that middle ground. The poly people argue in favor of just bringing on poly. The casual sex people make terse replies against having feelings.

How can someone exist in the feelings middle ground over the long haul, and not just as a transition to polyamory?

[santosg]

My boyfriend wants an open relationship, I don't thinking this is going to work for me, what your describing Is a roommate who is also a fuck buddy. if I wanted that I wouldn't have looked for a relationship. I would have just kept fucking my old roommate. There is a difference between dating a 7-11, and having someone for your self. what's wrong with wanting a partner for yourself. I don't want to be at risk of catching an STI bc of someone elses behavior. I guess we need to end the relationship as hard as it will be. it's a shame, I love him so much. This will break my heart .

[Ginger]

Currently feeling weird. My fiancé has wanted an open relationship since we got together. I was not into it. Now, I’m aware he’s cheating. And I’m not upset about it. So is our relationship open? I’m talking to others to help me feel better. It definitely makes me feel better. I’m lost.

[sarahmorse]

Is an open relationship bound to fail if my partner wants it and I am just trying to be agreeable?

[youdontmatter]

i have no idea how to even approach setting boundaries in my first open relationship without sounding jealous/possessive :( excited to watch this

[tonymoore]

Everyone should negotiate rules that work for them. I’ve observed that the older couples in our circle who have kids, careers and lots of other obligations tend to share some common rules. 1. Most were monogamous at least 5 years or more before they opened up. 2. Only play with other married couples. 3. Only play with others together same room 4. No cross gender communication we all talk in a group chat mostly but guys can talk to guys and girls can talk to girls but never guy to girl directly. 5. We’re monogamous until we’re not. Meaning we flirt touch play only when we have agreed to have a play date. When we’re not on a play date, we interact like any other couple. This is actually a lot of fun because we do vanilla things with both vanilla and lifestyle friends and only we know about our extracurricular activities…we call it that Mona Lisa smile…LOL! When you’re busy with “real life” it just makes our play dates or trips to resorts or cruises simple, fun and drama free

[PatrickDiehl]

Fabulous and interesting video Brian.

[janet.]

I’ve been seeing this guy for a while before we agreed to start a relationship. At first, like everything else, it was great then I noticed the changes like him not exerting effort and lacks commitment and when asked he just tells me he’s happy with what we are. I then asked him what kind of relationship we have, are we on a committed one, exclusive, casual, open. He said open relationship. When I told him so that means we can both have sexual/romantic relationship with others, he said no, he won’t like it if i do it other than him. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[SetTheCurve]

What if only one person is successful in finding additional partners?
Straight guy asking (because for 90% of us, finding a romantic partner happens every 3-10 years (maybe exaggeration, but it’s not easy for us)). My girlfriend dates other men at the snap of her fingers. I haven’t dated a single other woman. I feel like other men are just free to take my girlfriend for a ride.

[javidial]

How would your "ok" rules apply to a married couple with children? Happy marriage at home, and having love affairs outside? Also, anybody that has 1 kid will know that you won't much time for yourself (unless you pay nannies or both take turns to give the other partner free time to hook up with others)???

[gabyurbina]

My partner just told me they want an open relationship I freaked out I’m not gonna lie. I am a very insecure person when it comes to my looks and my body. My partner is very very attractive, they have tattoos and have piercings and they’re skinny and petite, they’re smart as fuck and just know so much about history and plants. I look like fuckin Maui with out muscles. They’ve started to talk to men and women, my only issue is them talking to other men. I am not a man btw I’m female bodied I’m non binary, I think the reason I’m having so much trouble with this is because of my issues with men. I have been assaulted before by men. It makes me angry that they’re talking to men one cause I don’t fucking like them and two because I’m scared something is going to happen to them and I’m not going to be able to do anything except something rash and end up going to jail. I have told them this, I have told them that I don’t feel comfortable with them talking to other people especially men because I’m scared and just jealous. I don’t know what to do I want my partner to be happy I want them ti be their true authentic self. I just am having a really really hard time trying to accept them being intimate with other people, especially men. I told them some of my boundaries like kissing other people I can’t kiss them if they’re kissing other people or have sex with them if they’re having sex with other people. I don’t know if this is too much or too harsh I’m just really distraught and upset with myself and the situation.

[theguynextdoor]

Stay single then, if people want to be promiscuous. Open relationships rarely work anyway.