How to Tell if a Narcissist is Faking Affective Empathy #shorts

[rl]

I saw on another video someone refer to “performative empathy”. I have a family member who had me hoodwinked for decades (& broke my heart at first when I realized). They did many kind & helpful things for people & animals. But I realized they always made sure to do this publicly, wether irl or posting about it. This was THE 1 person I felt really cared for me in my family. Until I no longer needed their advice. Until I was able to stand on my own & was content & happy. They suddenly became snarky & downright mean. It took me quite awhile to figure out what was going on. I can’t “diagnose” anyone. However it became clear that their behavior towards me changed when I became happy & content. I was no longer giving them supply. I was no longer useful. I had to grieve the loss of a relationship that never really existed.

[tracyking]

Whether a narcissist shows empathy or not, you cannot rely on them for moral support. I’ve learned a great many things from you, Dr. Grande. Your wit helps the medicine go down in the most delightful way. 😂❤

[messrsandersonco]

Spot on! After 30 years of silence, my mother was told I had cancer. She rang and asked how I was, and has never asked again since then. She just talks about her problems and unhappiness.

[jackiegrice]

So, watch what people do, not what they say. This is good advice on many levels. Thanks Dr. Grande.

[jenniferfox]

Excellent way to tell. Another way is to ask them how they feel about that. You'll notice they won't use feeling words. Having dated someone for 4 years with primary psychopathy it took me a long time to realize that people without empathy will often be helpful when asked, because it makes them look good or bad if they refuse. The request for help has to involve material things or physical help. They will never offer or give specialized personal/emotional support/help, because they don't know which emotions should be attached to which behaviors.

[chadqudrot]

This is the story of my narcissist. She would proclaim that she was an empath had a masters in psychology and cognitively could empathize with people, but behind closed doors she was clearly a different person with the mask off and was absent affective empathy! It was quite the thing to witness and come to terms with!

[karenfisher]

it took me so long to realize they didn't really mean it and would never follow through with action. I realized it was a performance to fool those present.

[melissadunton]

One thing I’ve noticed is that when a narcissist is sick or in pain they will expect you to exaggerate your reaction to their “suffering”, but when you need someone to be supportive they will only return that support with empty words. Then half the time they will also immediately point out something that is going on with them, that they perceive as being worse than what you are feeling at the moment.
I grew up with this. I face it daily now that I’m caring for my elderly narcissist. I got away from it to only be put back into the same situation that I grew up with, except now it’s tenfold as I am an adult being treated as a child in my own home and being gaslit daily while also having to cater to my narc’s every need….physically and emotionally.
It’s so much fun. 😢

[Gullsz]

I know one who called himself an empath and bragged about his superior body-language reading skills. The very definition of cognitive empathy.

[taranschilg-zyuz]

I once knew a person who exhibited many (if not all) traits of a grandiose narcissist, along with communal narcissism. Their first response was always, "Oh no, how can I help you?" This statement now triggers me because this individual didn't actually care about how I was feeling. They had simply learned that asking how they could help would give them an "in" with the person in need, thereby gaining their trust. Just because someone listens and offers help doesn't mean they genuinely care or empathize with you.

[MarabelleBlue]

Yes you are absolutely right. I took in one in 2017 and my life was a logistical nightmare. Not only did he pretend to be emotionally invested, but he was also excellent at asking me for money. One of the worst human beings to ever exist on this earth.

[CharlieApples]

If someone sympathizes with you the first day but gets annoyed that you’re not “over it” a few days later, they were just pretending to feel bad for you.

[dianegreen]

I've always been one to WATCH what people do more than just listening to what they say!

[geekinmeout]

"Empathy [should] lead to helping behavior".

[phyllistouchstone]

These 2 narcissists I know, they don’t care. They don’t even try to pretend. They are arrogant and everything has to go their way. I have nothing to do with them.

[novo]

Its what Sam Vaknin calls "cold empathy".

[dawnurbina-xd]

I noticed that I’m only able to feel empathy towards another person if I’ve been through that situation. I have a deeply stored memory that opens up but most of the time I only have mental empathy for people. I’ve had a limited more isolated life though. And I’ve never been a mental health professional.

[katayna_girl]

Wow.. that was the best way to explain it in a way that’s simple and straightforward enough to understand perfectly.

[babyjesuslovesme]

i’m on anti anxiety meds and sometimes i can’t feel emotions on the level i would otherwise and i feel like im going thru the motions of empathy sometimes .

[virginiahart]

Narcissists will offer assistance ONLY if it benefits them in some way and makes them look like the hero. Their "assistance" is purely transactional.