Autism ACTUALLY Speaking: Destigmatize Dependence

This week is an Autism ACTUALLY Speaking about dependence and disability.

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[System_Spark]

I’m 26 and moved back with my mom. Life is better than it’s ever been. She left her awful ex, she’s supportive of my service dog, I’m able to actually attend appointments and my mom understands that I cannot make them because they all demand phone calls, something I’m not able to do thanks to crippling social anxiety. I don’t have a lot of money, but do pay a portion of rent, my phone bill, streaming services, and every expense for my dog, whether it’s food, toys, training, medical bills, etc. I’m also able to afford vocational courses and am studying for a field I think I can actually do well in that has little financial risk. My mom is healing in her own right as well, but that’s not my story to share.

[lexica]

Yep yep yep. As I was watching I was thinking "oh, I have thoughts about this." From outside I look "independent" but I have no idea how I would function without my spouse of 22+ years.

And an important thing is that he also depends on me. He may be neurotypical but there are areas of life he's not good at, which I can handle easily. We support each other. ❤️

[hollytobin]

Very well said. I will most likely never be 100% independent and I struggle with that sometimes.

[WhutADrag]

I'm 20 years old, and I can't even drive yet. I struggle too much with a mix of damn-near every sensory processing disorder, and major anxiety. I don't think I'll ever be independent - hell, I don't know if I'll ever even have a job. Might be able to sell plant cuttings for some money, but I can't do anything that requires talking to people extensively. I won't understand them (audio processing), then it'll take a while to respond, then my anxiety will flare up because of how long I'm taking just to understand what the heck they said, then sensory overload will kick in and I'll wind up crying. (No exaggeration either, just trying to order from Chipotle sent me into a meltdown once cause I didn't have anything pre-scripted and I couldn't understand the lady behind the counter even when she was shouting to me >o<;; )

I'm getting better at preventing the crying part! Not making any progress on the sensory processing thing though, if anything it's been getting worse 😅 so I'm really lucky to have a boyfriend that's willing to do most of the initial moving-out stuff while I figure out how to get money myself, once covid's over with. (And hopefully I can get therapy as well, so I can manage to at least pull my weight with grocery shopping and whatnot)

[artsy]

So glad I just found your channel! Can't believe you don't have more views and subs.

[ChristenW]

Ohhhh I vs so many thoughts and feelings about this topic! frankly the overall cultural focus on "independence" (at least in the U.S.) causes SO many problems for everyone. Even neurotypicals don't learn how to ask for help, feel lonely and isolated, get burned out trying to "do it all", etc.
The real human survival tool is community and no one should feel ashamed to depend on that! Just because someone has more or has less needs fulfilled by others is not a reason to make a moral judgement.
(Always Sunny meme: "Everyone's a burden bitch, let's get you some love")

[GaasubaMeskhenet]

we are all dependent. some are just more aware of that than others

[chrismccaffrey]

Honestly, for me, this was one of your best videos! Very well articulated and helpful. Thank you. 🧡💚

[elisakrivas]

My grandma is my chauffer, dishwasher, and cook, we split the rest of the house chores, grocery shopping, and I'm the one with the job for money. I'd like to live independently, but my situation is unique, to say the least and far too long to explain.

[chrismccaffrey]

Independance is a hoax, a myth. Most people cannot grow or kill their own food, they depend on other people to do it. Same with building their house, making their clothes, fixing their relationship issues (counsellors or even friends - not judging, counsellors can be amazing). We are a tribal being. We lived in tribes for years and are actually highly socially dependant people, the saying "it takes a village to raise a child" is so accurate in ways most people wont understand. That's why people, without "disabilities" have so many mental health issues, depression anxiety etc. We were never supposed to be totally independant. We should be happy an fullfilled but our societal structures fucked us over. Look up Jon young and his work studying tribes around the world and you'll be amazed at what he ahs found.

[GaasubaMeskhenet]

I will always be dependent and I'm so sick of people thinking of that as something to fix

[PixelPi]

Yes Nathan, you hit the nail on the head.

[millimoi]

Yes! I think the older I get the harder it is seeing that people younger than me are more independent than I am. It’s frustrating not being able to drive or have a part time job ( I also have severe Dyscalculia and dyspraxia so 99% of part time jobs aren’t possible) and it’s very easy to think of myself as not good enough because of this but you are so right that it needs to be treated differently

[alicerose]

Thank you Nathan! This is a great talk.

[auburneytuckerson]

I feel the same. I may not be able to live completely by myself. I plan on moving out with my friend, and the two of us can live together on our own. We plan to get our own place together.

[artsy]

I just hope I won't always need as much help that I need at the moment but I am still recovering from major burnout because nobody knew I have autistic and ADHD traits...

But about being dependent or independent...
Our culture in the west focuses a lot on individuality but I don't know if it's the best approach for anyone... People have always lived in communities and tribes together so why does everyone have to live alone and so everything alone? I think that I don't need to be fully independent necessarily just because it's what society expects from me. With that said I live in Finland where there are only around 50 trained autism service dogs and they are only for children... I would really like to get one after I get my diagnoses but I'm not sure how possible it will be to even get training for a dog and I don't know if I could train a dog alone.

[blueraccoon]

My girlfriend and I are on the spectrum and we gone to a school where we learned at a career training center who are disabled and my girlfriend was in the independent living class last year when she was part time now she has going full time and we are at 5 years dating and plan being independent one day. I can tell anyone who's in LA area where if anyone is interested.

[EvilRiceGuy]

Omg I misread your subscriber count by 701K 🤦‍♂️