Why men don't go to therapy: addressing the gender gap

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According to recent statistics, women are anywhere from one-and-a-half to three times more likely to seek out mental health services in a given 12-month period than men are. This means that between 60-75% of psychotherapy patients at any given time are women. Why might this be the case? In this episode, I will discuss my pet theory on the subject, which describes how several historical factors conspired to enshrine certain biases in the theory and practice of psychotherapy that continue to exude their influence today.

Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
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#therapy #psychology #gendergap

[EndlessAlchemy]

As someone who has a psychology degree, considered getting a doctorate in psychology, and has a general interest in the subject, I've been saying this for a long time. I hear women say that men should all go to therapy, which falls in line with society's push to make men communicate/problem solve like women. But the simple reality is that men and women are generally very different. And the idea that simply talking about a problem will make you feel better, thereby resolving the problem, is a very feminine concept.

[iandeynzer]

Female marriage/couples counselors are often (unconsciously) biased towards a woman's point of view because of the differing male/female problem solving/emotional coping communication styles. Often the female counsellor will immediately confront male behavioural problems because men usually don't object to being challenged and want to get to the bottom of issues asap. Sadly they won't confront the woman's bad behaviour for fear of offending and drag the discovery process out, sometimes completely avoiding the core issues.

[botengu]

You nailed it, Ive been thinking about it for months, I m not willing to pay a therapist just to vent, Id rather do it with friends, if I pay a therapist it ll be for the same reason I pay any other health professional, solve my problem or give me a detail approach to solve it myself.

[thinkingisthebox]

As a man whose been through several therapists I agree completely. I often left sessions feeling annoyed that I was talking most of the time. I kept thinking to myself that I already know all of this stuff and that there was no new information coming into the system. I have a male life coach now that challenges me every session. I told him yesterday I love it when he "manhandles me with logic" lol. The biggest difference is exactly as you said - its active, challenging, rational, directive, and practical. You nailed it.

[xringarcher]

Why would I go to therapy? I need my problems fixed, not talked about, nor do I need coddled into thinking everything’s okay. The only person that’s going to fix my problems is me.

[chevy]

Part of the problem is that the man who talks about his problems will be seen as a weak man.

[johnc]

Late in life, deep in the midst of a situation, or circumstance, I tried therapy. I am married but have no adult relationships outside that marriage. I realized I have long standing sense of loneliness and isolation. Marriage never solved that. My face to face therapy experience lasted about 18 months but ended with Covid. I was offered remote counseling, but it was not helpful to me and my last session ended with my wife just walking in on my session. I came to understand, accept, I was, I am, really on my own.

[Fabian]

I know for a fact if I walk into a therapist office and see only women there I'm walking straight back out 😂🤦‍♂️

[dimos]

I really like your way of therapy. Your words quite often are painful… but so as any real medical interventions are… And your talks are just an essence of reason everitame. Thank for your work!

[polymathg]

I have probably watched over 30 of your videos. You are on articulate and point every time. Very refreshing!

I think if therapy focused strictly on facts and problem-solving instead of feminism-pandering and emotional-coping, far more men than women would be seeking it—by a factor of at least 5.

[stanleykachuik]

I always like to remind women that men don't process their emotions like women by talking about them. Men have to be doing something. Preferably the more dangerous the activity the more vulnerable they tend to be. It's just how we are wired.

[idlehourlinda]

I agree that tailoring the therapeutic approach to the individual is the best strategy. I like how you emphasize one way is not better or worse, simply different. Why not use every possible advantage to raise the odds of a successful outcome.

[modickens]

What Ive observed, based on my own experiences is a combination of things. I actually went to a female therapist once and when she asked the purpose of my visit I told her " Ive been told I'm crazy and if so, I want it in writing" I noticed after the once a week visits for two months that there were drawbacks and also insights into it. I would observe her and ask her questions occasionally and most times she would either try to avoid answering or give vague answers at best. At any rate we became intimate at some point outside the office and when I moved we remained friends occasionally writing, I learned 5 years after my encounter with her she was murdered by her only son. The drawbacks I observed was its almost impossible for either patient or doctor to remain objective. The doctor can often point out problems but only the patient can truly fix them. I also think it can lead to self absorption on the patients part, talking so much about themselves can cause them to neglect others in their orbit, and self fixation long term is never good in my opinion. The insights I came away with was aspects of my personality that was always there but I never fully saw them. Such as antisocial tendencies, paranoia, contempt for authority etc. We often tend to think our behavior or outlook is rational but sometimes it takes an outside observer to point out things we can't or don't want to see about ourselves. So therapy was good for that. I asked for tests to be administered such as IQ and personality tests to get insight into myself. I learned things from it, and though some may argue she was unethical I didn't see it that way. I think the only time it would be unethical is if the patient was unable to make their own decisions due to mental illness. This was not my case. I think men avoid therapy because it's a vulnerability, and also men tend to want to solve problems on their own. Also there is an aspect in society that people don't care about the problems of others. What's that saying " don't tell people your problems, 80% don't care and 20% are glad you're having them" women in general don't care due to evolutionary reasons. Briffaults law explains this. And most men in society are competitive with other men so subconsciously they're not going to be too interested in helping someone who is a competitor for resources and mating options. Another aspect rarely brought up is the " don't you have friends that can listen?" So just by paying a stranger they often feel like a loser in the eyes of society, the same as getting an escort. The stigma of paying to have emotional needs or physical needs gratified lingers even if on a subconscious level with society.

[rrwholloway]

Men understand from an early age that they are on their own. They must dig deep and find their own strength. Sure, they can have friends, best mates and understanding wives that they can share their challenges with, but when the chips are down, the only one that really cares about you is… you… and God.

[leviathon]

Your description of a guy’s approach to psychotherapy is 100% accurate for me. Pay someone to listen to me complain? How about I flush my self respect down the toilet and burn $200 every hour. But I also think it’s something I need to do and could benefit from. I’m conflicted.

[constantchange]

Really makes me think about the times I have lived in small communities resembling a modern day tribe, 50 to 100 people who you live and work with everyday. I would eventually form relationships with others who weren't in my emediate circle of friends and we could open up to eachother about all of our feelings. Because they arent emotionally invested and can just listen and offer observations and advice. While someone close to me is invested and cant avoid being emotionally affected. I think its also akin to dynamics between granparents and their grandchildren. I knew from a young age that I was really missing something because all my grandparents died before I got a chance to know them.

[brianlaborde]

I’ve had six different therapist in my life. And although the female therapist make made me feel good in the moment. I always felt like I wasn’t progressing. The one male therapist that I had give me advice that was actionable. At the age of 43 I visited my male therapist for the first time. Immediately I could tell he suspected something about me. He kindly smirked. In the second session he handed me the DSM5 Manuel and it said Asperger’s. My whole life made sense in that moment.

[MaxKomes]

You’re spot on. The structure of modern therapy needs to change and embrace a more solutions-oriented approach when needed for our male clients~

[Eans_urban_jungle]

Many times I have bought a forty for a homeless guy and used him as a trauma dump
Cost me three bucks. On the west coast you can find one five minutes from your house, no matter where you live.

[rogerwilliams]

I like, subscribe & comment for the algorithm. Hope this helps, dear algorithm, because Dr. Taraban deserves to be seen & heard by all.