Misjudged and Misunderstood (I'm Autistic - Not Arrogant)

Do others often get the wrong idea about you? Do you have to constantly deal with people's misconceptions? We may be regularly misunderstood, but there are some simple things we can do to change that.

We can't control how others may see us but we can control how we want to be seen. The challenge is how we can communicate ourselves to other people by being our true authentic selves and not by masking. In this video, I share how I coped, my strategies to avoid being misunderstood, and what I learned through the importance of emotional intelligence.

EQ 101 - EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE COURSE:

TIMESTAMPS:
00:00 - Introduction
00:36 - A common misconception about me
01:05 - 1st reason why I'm misjudged as arrogant
07:25 - Strategies I use to cope and how I avoid being misunderstood
13:14 - 2nd reason why I'm misjudged as being arrogant
15:05 - Lessons from Emotional Intelligence

CHANNEL LINKS:
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// WELCOME TO ASPERGERS FROM THE INSIDE!!

My name is Paul and I discovered I have Aspergers at age 30.

Yes, I know, I don't look autistic. That's exactly why I started this blog, because if I didn't show you, you would never know.

As the name suggests, this channel is devoted to giving you insight into the world of Aspergers.
This blog started off being just my story, but I've learned SO MUCH about my own condition
from meeting others on the Autism Spectrum that now I make sure to feature their stories as well.

I've come a long way in my own personal journey.
Now I'm sharing what I've found so you don't have to learn it the hard way too.

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// WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THIS BLOG

You can expect me to get to the point with concise useful information.
I focus on what is most important and don't shy away from difficult topics.

The best way to learn about Autism is to see it in real life ( i.e. via the stories of many, many people on the spectrum).

In this channel I endeavour to show you what Autism and Aspergers look like in real people and to also give you some insight as to what's happening on the inside.
I upload a new video every weekend with some bonus content thrown in mid-week too.
There's always new stuff coming through so be sure to check back and see what you've missed. (Is this where I'm supposed to tell you to hit that subscribe button?)

Topics Include:
- What is Aspergers/Autism?
- Aspie Tips, coping strategies, and advice on common issues
- Learning Emotional Intelligence (this is my special interest!)
- Autism in real life: stories from special guests

Everything I do is and endeavour to go deeper and take you 'behind the scenes' to understand what may, at first glance, seem 'odd'.
oh, and I love busting stereotypes and turning preconceptions upsidedown :)

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// ABOUT ME

I discovered I have aspergers at the age of thirty.
It has been my life's mission to understand these funny creatures we call humans.
My special interest is a combination of emotional intelligence, psychology, neuroscience, thinking styles, behaviour, and motivation. (I.e. what makes people tick)
My background is in engineering and I see the world in systems to be analysed.
My passion is for taking the incredibly complex, deciphering the pattern, and explaining it very simply.
My philosophy is that blogging is an adventure best shared.

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// EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE TRAINING

I also run autism friendly online emotional intelligence training. So if you like my direct, systematic style, and would like to improve your own emotional intelligence skills, check it out here:

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// CONTACT

Blogging is an adventure best shared which means I'd love to hear from you!
Feel free to leave me a comment or send me and email at any time and I'll do my best to respond promptly.

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy this channel!
I look forward to hearing from you!

Peace,

~Paul

[lxpkosd]

Yes, all of this. Spent most of my life upsetting people and not knowing why. Say something factual - and they have a meltdown. It's exhausting.

[PapaSeanX]

"I'm just going about my life doing the things that come easily to me and I don't for a second think that that somehow makes me better than other people"

[cmr]

I’m 70. Undiagnosed. This has described my whole life. Never figured it out.

[pww]

We're not responsible for other people's erroneous misinterpretations. I'm very quiet, especially in social situations where there are people I haven't met before. People assume I'm arrogant, without considering other possibilities - maybe I'm just shy, or anxious, or on the Autism Spectrum.

[froodoftheforest]

As far as arrogance for not trusting "professionals' - its also because most of us have spent out lives being misdiagnosed or passed over by professionals. Convincing doctors you're not lying or jonesing for drugs - just trying to pay a bill on time or remember a birthday or peel yourself out of bed. Telling teachers you ARE trying constantly but no one believing you. Trying SO hard and not understanding WHY you're late AGAIN. Telling doctors you know something is different or wrong and no one believing you. Having consistently bad reactions to prescriptions and medications given by professionals getting it wrong every time or not believing your sensitivity. Even as children with sensory processing disorders - reacting MORE to sensory stimulation and being punished for our senses being turned up or not having the processing skills to react with the correct amount of neurotypically approved emotions and no one believing our differences or needs until we sub-consiously gaslight ourselves pathologically and just spend our lives tensing through noise and blaming ourselves.
For the undiagnosed/disabled - mistrust of professionals and "authority figures" is a trauma response to our life.
And now you want ME to do MORE work to explain it to you!?!?!?!

[jonmars]

I struggle with autism and a host of other difficulties piled on due to a life undiagnosed and trauma. In truth, I am often mystified as to how I come across. I seem to go out of my way to be thoughtful, considerate and to an unfortunate degree, people please and I still am misunderstood. I'm getting tired of trying.

[sunflower]

Spectrum folks tend to be skeptical, but because of that, we don’t easily fall into the same peer pressures as typical people.

[Dezzyyx]

I'm often misunderstood when I analyze or process things. I want to learn and understand. They either think I'm creating problems, complaining / being negative, or arguing with them. No I'm trying to understand what's going on, to learn. It can be processing or analyzing my own feelings and thoughts, or others, or just situations and general things.

[MrAtheistQueen]

Oh, yes. People say I'm arrogant, stand-off-ish, unapproachable...the whole gamut. But once they get to know me I'm not as scary...as the legends say.

[nerdtubewtf]

what others don't understand, and my struggle. I don't EVER compete against others. I ALWAYS compete with myself. I look at myself to just see self growth NOT seeing if I'm better than another. I DETEST pyramidal social/skill structures. I love seeing what others do, and THEIR accomplishments.

[gzeuskraiste]

I get misunderstood a lot because IMO NTs do not read carefully. I try to be very precise and specific with my communication in an attempt to avoid misunderstanding, but they assume (incorrectly) after the first few words what the rest will be, and/or, "read between the lines" for what they assume I must really mean to have asked, and give me the answer to a different question entirely. This puts me in a position where I have to either accept their inappropriate answer and move on, or repeat the question and sound arrogant and condescending, as if I were implying they are stupid.

[buttercxpdraws]

I’ve spent a lifetime changing the way I speak and dimming my light so as not to make others feel uncomfortable. In retrospect, it’s no wonder that I feel like a failure. Thank you for your tips, they are very helpful 🙏

[christineh]

This is the problem for many of us with autism.. we have to learn how to be perfect diplomats and communicate very carefully so people don’t find us upsetting. It took me so much energy I can’t have friends anymore. It always came down to some times when I forgot to be super sensitive to their needs and forgot NT language because I was really engaged in a subject I talked about. And again a friendship is lost. I never tried to be rude or arrogant.. to NT speaking like this is “normal decency” but to me it’s tip toeing around and being extremely careful, and it’s tiring.. I gave up on friendships. Even autistic people and I misunderstand each other for some reason, it’s not better there. I have my fiancé and we understand each other normally, but no one else. If I keep people at distance and only talk work with them it’s ok, but nothing personal.

[TheWriterOnFire]

"with a fixed mindset - which is the opposite of a growth mindset-"
Ok this cracked me up bc I have been called condescending for using very similar phrasing! I was talking to my mom and mentioned "maximalism - which is the opposite of minimalism-" and she stopped me to tell me that I over explain stuff and it makes me seem arrogant! I don't always think I'm the smartest person in the room, but I do assume that I'm the only one who thinks the same way that I think, because I've spent so much of my life being misunderstood bc I make so many different connections so quickly that I lose people when I try to explain myself. So now I've become a know it all captain obvious! Just wanted to point that out bc it made me laugh lol

[barefootincactus]

I love this channel. You are so straightforward and honest. NTs are a puzzle to me. No matter how I try I simply can’t even guess all the creative ways prospective friends can misunderstand me. I have given up, and am happier alone now.

[bobbyb]

As someone who has generally low self-esteem, but has still been called arrogant, been told to “get over myself”, and offended others without understanding why, I think I relate to you on this topic very well. Thank for posting.

[Astro-Markus]

When I was younger, others apparently thought I was arrogant - but for other reasons. I only learned about this much later. It had to do with me being very shy and cautious and not initiating any conversation with those I didn't know well. I didn't even say hello. This came across as if I thought the others weren't worth a word. The true reason was that I was afraid of being rejected when trying to talk to them or I didn't want to disturb them or annoy them with my presence. It's much better today, although meeting other people is still a challenge.

[linden]

Very relatable! So many times people have completely misread my intentions.

[Alwaysttango]

Best solution: avoid surrounding yourself with ppl who don't have a growth mindset or are open to it. No more headaches and many less misunderstandings. Those people are boring anyway and I found that at the core have very little in common with me/us.

[juliacharisstiles]

This very situation happened today with a coworker. I often do not realize it is occurring until the person who has misunderstood me starts acting offended. I wish I could see myself walking into these horrible scenarios and correct it before alienating everyone. I can sense something is wrong but need so much time to analyze what has transpired that there is no chance to salvage the moment.