You're not the *main character*... You're just selfish.

Chapters:

00:00 - Intro
01:42 - Why is this happening?
03:14 - Cutting people off
04:55 - Therapy
06:10 - Cutting people off cont.
08:45 - You don't owe anyone anything
12:55 - Self care
15:02 - Main character syndrome

What I use to make my videos:

What I use for my daily journaling:

Books that shaped me:



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[AwesomeRando]

Am I the only one who doesn’t like this “I don’t owe anyone anything thing” culture?

[Sondy]

From what I've experienced, the therapy culture worships self-improvement to the extent of dehumaising people. I opened up to one of my closest friends about how my insecurities may be affecting the relationship and that I'd like her to be aware of that. The response I got to that was "Well, they are YOUR insecurities so work on that, its not my problem to solve". I AM actively in therapy and while I do agree noone else should be "solving" problems for you, every relationship requires two people to accomodate for each other. But flaws are not seen as part of a person anymore, rather, as something to get rid of because its inconvenient. How I see it, we are all flawed, if you refuse to see and accept those in other people are you really friends with the person or just the idea of them?

[lindokuhleshandu]

The main character syndrome as you explained it, I would call that self-entitlement.

[dragana]

I think „I don’t owe anyone anything“ culture forgets fast what to be kind is, to be a good human 😥

[iconindexsymbol]

“Shopping” for who you’re around is the worst part of self-care.

[unabellavita]

Boundaries. That is an important part of every healthy relationship. Weeds out the people who need to be axed and strengthens the relationships that are mutually beneficial.

[Jay-kkkv]

I don’t consider myself selfish. I’ve always been someone who is willing to talk. Someone who will express if I have discomforts with anyone. But I will not keep connections with someone that clearly does not need to be in my life. Or deserve it. But I’m not someone who will just cut you off easily. You have to really make me choose that decision. So I get what you’re saying. I feel like too many people walk away from certain relationships too easily. Or over something ridiculous.

[Conkelduck]

I think “I don’t owe anyone anything” is advice that is good or bad depending on the recipient. If someone is a people pleaser type, it might be good to tell them that. For others, it might be really bad advice. It's like telling someone who already goes to the gym every day to "work out more". In general, as an internet trend, it is definitely producing a lot of alienation for community and social cohesion.

[agustd-iw]

"i don't owe anyone anything" for me it simply means that i am not obligated to make someone feel something even though i don't want to... i don't wanna be nice to people that aren't nice to me, i don't wanna be uncomfortable to make someone feel comfortable especially in MY space, especially when they are wrong, i don't just wanna give pieces of myself to people that don't deserve it just because i am put in a position to do so.

[elleneastwood]

I agree with your general sentiment, which is, we live in a society. Other people are important, be mindful of giving consideration to them. Just don't do it in a way that compromises yourself.

[marsalisvince]

Definitely needed this video. Been recently thinking about where people in my past-life (high school and childhood friends) lie given we've grown apart since I've gone to college.I've just changed a lot from the guy they once knew so the time we've spent together has been marred by my feeling like I have to revert back to a former version of myself just for the time to be enjoyable. I graduate in 46 days and will be moving to a new city when my job starts and was thinking "maybe because we've grown apart, it may be time to finally let these people go" but maybe the grey area is they don't have to be completely let go, but I do need to acknowledge the change in our dynamic and give it room to grow into something different in the future.

[mariamkamal]

Love it.
It's like the difference between self-compassion and self-absorbtion.

[carefulcarpenter]

People who serve have something to give; empty people are needy.

[Ishita-ssuh]

This thing is so true my whole life i have been mourning that i don't have that one best friend but as soon i started to journal i came to know it was not them but me who started to ghost them when they don't mark up to my expectations..
I really needed this bcz i wanted to hear that it's my fault

[lindokuhleshandu]

You pretty much summed up why I had to end a relationship with my ex late January this year. The selfishness on my part had to do with protecting my mental wellbeing. The stress and anxiety had become too much to handle, not to mention that I was just emotionally exhausted and drained from the back-and-forth arguing. I was dating someone who created problems in our relationship and then pulled the victim card whenever I confronted her about her wrongdoings. I had had enough of it. So, I finally cut off ties with her. I've been single for almost 2 months now and I love the peace and quiet.

[kileygiley]

I like the phrasing of “over correction” . I don’t think this trend of boundaries and self preservation is inherently a bad thing and in cases necessary. Believing in people is a beautiful thing but also a goal within the healing process for many. When people go into it a lot of the time it’s for a reason that needs to be faced and that sometimes cannot be done with certain stressors. Not always and forever but reprieves can be helpful.

[waytofreedom]

Makes me so happy that people are starting to talk about this

[kavitamins]

Such a fantastic message and love the definition of 'sonder'. Erich Fromm captures this pretty well, "Selfish persons are incapable of loving others, but they are not capable of loving themselves either".

[silkbuttons]

For someone young you are spot on. Politeness is no longer the baseline, and selfish, heartless behaviour is the baseline. Don’t try to justify it, there should never be a defence for that behaviour. Older people know that.

[rina-nvyr]

Friendships are hard. I had a messy falling out with two of my best friends, we haven’t spoken to each other for 3 years because of it. Last year I decided to reach out to them because I missed them and I knew (via mutual friends) that they missed me too. It definitely was a friendship worth time and effort to mend. I’m so happy I stepped over my ego and took the first step