What if I’m not the Main Character

▼ Timestamps ▼
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00:00 - Preview
00:13 - Call begins
03:57 - Do you feel proud?
11:27 - Do you know how to feel proud?
19:21 - How to differentiate between pride and shame
24:52 - Managing expectations
29:14 - Feedback in unfamiliar dimensions
35:15 - What is the image of Josh?
45:05 - Summary/Conclusion

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[lillehei]

I feel like everyone is the main character of their own story. But when people try to be the main character of someone else's story, that's when it gets unhealthy.

[Dsworddance]

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be the main character in your own life. I think the problem is that people with "main character syndrome" believe they deserve preferential treatment or that certain rules don't apply to them.

[MiketheNerdRanger]

This made me think; the times where I felt the most "proud of myself" in my life, was when I somehow brought joy to other people's lives. I didnt even feel a sense of pride when I got my first ever 4.0 GPA, but when I get notes from colleges saying how much I put smiles on their faces, I couldn't hold back the tears. I didn't even accomplish anything, I just made people smile.

[spigney]

Now I know why I've always remembered the time my dad said off handedly "being a kid is really really hard".
To this day I hear people romanticize childhood, or invalidate kids' experiences because they don't have bills to pay. The reality is, childhood is when you experience the most powerful emotion with the least amount of protection. Even in the most bucolic childhood, you're pummeled from every angle and there's nothing you can do about it.

[grjesus]

The problem comes when people (i include family here) who dont understand how a task works are the ones who gives you feedback. That is why friendship are so important, because normally they are are the ones dealing with you on a daily basis and are in the same level in life just as you. So no one can better give you feedback than a good friends who loves you and want you to grow.

[lalakuma]

The way he grew up is eerily similar to how I grew up. Except when I had something that I was personally proud of, my parents intentionally dismissed them because those things weren't grades or conventional achievements. It was so manipulative. I still can't fully trust my parents to this day. EDIT: What helped me is having friends who appreciate me, not for achievements or for helping them with homework, but for just being a friend.

[michaelbain]

I found a lot of Josh’s story relatable. Especially the parts about avoiding things that are a challenge because in my case I am used to being “talented” and having things be easy for me I can’t really handle actually being challenged. Lately, however, I got a job doing something my friend group and even parents have jokingly agreed in the past isn’t in my wheelhouse and that has been fulfilling because I actually suck at it and it’s obvious I suck at it. So when I do well at this job I know it wasn’t given to me and I think that’s teaching me how to feel good about accomplishments.

[Dekunutcase]

I feel Josh's struggle. I was literally told that I would cure cancer someday and even in the moment, I didn't take that as a positive thing to say. Too much pressure and wouldn't you know it, I didn't cure cancer, or even go into the medical field!

[darkphoenix]

38:18 I actually had this thought for a while before Dr K said it. I don't think Josh intended to Make himself sound like the typical gifted kid in the way that we use the term. I think he's just a cool dude who is pretty smart and good at things and very likable. But that makes him a regular dude. Lots of people are like him. But that's the thing...regular people are actually pretty amazing. I think there's value in thinking you are simultaneously pretty average, but the average person is pretty awesome.

[squeezyjibbz]

You're the main character of YOUR own story. That doesn't necessarily mean you're the main character of someone else's story. This is why we're supposed to be supporting characters to each other.

[liljawz_og]

Thank you all so much for the comments and feedback on my interview with Dr. K! Regardless of whether they’re positive or negative, I just sincerely hope that you somehow, someway, that what I said can make someone’s or the entire world a brighter place ❤️. And for those of you that may be older or younger (I’m 21), or whatever, don’t give up on the world or yourself. I truly believe that every individual human life was out here for a reason. Even if no one else believes, then I still believe in you. It’s still hard for me all the time, but you’re not alone. If anyone wants to reach out to me, don’t hesitate to ask for my discord and we can game or chat lol. I love you all!

Sincerely, Josh, the one that got interviewed

[demonschnauzer]

“I’m not the main character”: Sounds like you’re scolding yourself, makes you feel like your own life isn’t even yours

“Everyone is the main character”: Makes reality sound interesting as hell, respects other people’s and your personal complexity

[Real-fussball]

When he was talking about winning the baseball heart trophy I think that his coach should deserve a lot of praise for developing that environment for the team, many times we forget to appreciate the work that teachers and coaches put in in order to cultivate these types of environments.

I mean even giving out trophies despite losing the tournament is pretty cool from the coach. I've seen coaches that would be having a tantrum especially when they were thrashed, even after the season making the environment around the team really toxic and reminding them of the loss regularly.

[kdog]

rooting for you Josh. the honesty and vulnerability here is commendable.

[doxo]

Something that has really awoken me to life is the fact that there is no one that’s going to come get you and be your calling. In movies such as Lord of the Rings or Star Wars, we often see someone with a mission come to the main character’s house who’s living peacefully with no real purpose in life, and then gets thrusted into the adventure (the typical hero’s journey scheme). But in life this never actually happens. There won’t be a wizard showing up at your house telling you to save the world, you’re kind of just left there waiting for something to happens so that you can finally show who you really are. That’s been a huge lesson in my life. You have to make your own calling. You have to choose your own journey. What you choose doesn’t really matter in the end, whether it’s saving the world or joining a club. All that matters is that you get started, do what you think is right, and go all the way wherever it takes you.

[davontaej]

This is the most relatable video for me on this channel. I actually was brought to tears thinking about how similar josh's situation is to my life. I was a ballet dancer for 11 years, and I was always told things like:

"oh, you are so talented"
"you have so much potential"
"oh im sure you'll be famous one day"

I never really knew how to respond to that, because like dr.k said it made me feel like my effort was invalidated. Now I'm at a point that when I accomplish something, I don't take much pride in it other than the relief that said task/goal is off my plate. Its always onto the next thing, and how I'm inevitably falling short of my own expectations; along with the expectations of others in my life who expect so much from me. Its like they see the positive qualities that I have, but I can't. So, I'm constantly worried about letting them down, and losing all the opportunities I have because I'm making too many mistakes, and not doing "everything right". Often times ill face a lot of resistance in things that I AM more gifted in, because, the expectation that I'm gifted causes me to avoid the possibility of creating bad work, by never starting or procrastinating.


Fortunately, im currently at a place in my life where im trying to learn things that im bad at; so its my hope that maybe some genuine pride & confidence will come with slowly getting better.

[Desimere]

I have the same problem, but in an entirely different way. My parents were always pretty indifferent. When i succeed or fail, i don't feel pride or shame, i feel like the result revealed my capability. When i was a child, some teachers sent me to some maths and physics competitions, but i didn't receive extra training for them. To me, the outcome was just random chance based on how good of a mood i was in or how well-matched i was with the problems. Some competitions i won, some i did terribly in, but since i never prepared for them, it didn't really seem to have much to do with me personally. It was really a similar feeling to getting a reward for rolling dice. I was still happy for good results, but not proud. And in some classes i was barely scraping by with a C, so i didn't feel particularly gifted and no one told me i was either. I can't imagine how i would go about starting to feel pride and shame.

[mythmakroxymore]

Hell naw, i’m not the main character! I’m emotional/comic relief through and through, YEAH BABY!!!

[imaginarypath]

This man’s problem is so relatable for me it’s unbelievable. Every single word resonated with me.

[josephbrown]

“You may not be as gifted as you think you are.” That’s such a poignant statement. It took me many years to realize this about myself. At first I was very depressed by the idea, but eventually I embraced it. I still think I have above average intelligence, but I’m more realistic about myself overall and that has made me feel more content with my life.