You Are Who You've Been Looking For by Adam Roa

"Your capacity to love others is limited only by your capacity to love yourself."

This is something I heard years ago but have only recently begun to truly understand. It all starts inside. When I am able to love my perceived flaws, I can love your flaws too because I see myself in you. When you might stumble on your journey, I empathize because I see my own struggle mirrored back to me. My heart expands because I feel COMPASSION. And the world could use some more compassion right now.

Thank you Kyle Cease for inviting me on stage to share this piece of poetry with the Evolving Out Loud audience earlier this year. It's called "You Are Who You've Been Looking For" and I love performing it because when I do, I allow myself to drop into deeper appreciation for who I am and the journey I'm on. It is my hope that as you watch it, you'll feel called to do the same. Listen, breathe deeply, and recognize how amazing you are. You are a walking miracle. You are perfect.
And you are seen, heard and loved.

[tamidon]

This poem speaks to my daughter. Twelve years old, struggling with depression and suicidal ideation and an eating disorder, she read this poem to me and my wife today in an adolescent inpatient facility. It speaks to her deeply. I thank you from the bottom of my heart, Adam, for giving her another voice speaking words she needs to hear. She keeps a printout of this in her journal, there for whenever she needs it.

[averagealisha]

every time i watch this and he mentions how he treats his cup irresponsibly, i get chills. every time.

[robert_eckstein]

You are who you've been looking for.
So stop looking for more unless you are looking in the mirror
because it is about time for you to see clearly that:
You are who you've been looking for.

And that empty feeling you got,
that hole in your chest
you only got that feeling because you think you are not blessed
with everything you need.

You see we live in a consumerist society
which means they need you to buy stuff
and the easiest way to sell it is to tell you
'You are not enough'.

Buy this car, you will get girls.
Buy the bra, you will get guys.
And we are seeing is so much that we start believing these lies.
But the truth is:
the make up they are selling to make you feel prettier
is the same make-up you buy to stop feeling shittier
about this lie
they keep telling you
that 'You are not enough'.

And what about the movies we watch or the shows on TV
The more I watch the more I see
'I need you to complete me'.

And yes, love is the answer, love is the key
but if you can't love yourself
how could you ever love me.

And loving yourself what does that even mean
like massages and selfies and that sort of thing?
Because the more I think about it the more it feels weird,
I was always been taught that self-love is something to be feared.

I've been taught that arrogance is bad
and vanity, it's not good.
And even my bracelets are telling me to act like Jesus would.
So what should I do?
How should I act?
I am supposed to love myself
but how do I even do that?

Well, I got a trick that I pick up from a friend.
Who noticed that I was quick to defend
her
when she would say something negative about herself.

She would say 'I am so dumb'
and I would say 'You are so brilliant'
She would say 'I am so weak'
and I would say 'You are so resilient'
And when she said 'I feel ugly'
and I said 'You look beautiful',
she asked me why I was so dutiful
filling up her cup constantly
and yet treating my own cup so irresponsibly.

Because when I looked in the mirror my voice was quite clear
“You are ugly, you are too thin, your hairlines receding, you got a pimple on your chin”
And that was when
she gave me a piece of advice that changed my life:
She gave me a hug and she said
'Treat yourself like someone you loved'

Treat yourself like someone you loved.
Now, I've been standing but I needed to be sitting
because I couldn't believe that I had been letting
myself keep forgetting
that I was who I've been looking for.
And deep in my core I knew it was time to stop looking for more
until I could look through all my fear
and look into a mirror and see clearly
that the man looking back at me
was the only one who can make me happy,
and I am already enough.

And I am not any more special or unique than you
that is why I am here to speak to you
'You are already enough'.
And when you start to see that you will start to be that.
Your world will get brighter, your load will get lighter
and you see that with life you can be a lover and not a fighter.

And that life...
you deserve it.
Because you are worth it.
And there is no point in letting yourself keep forgetting because no matter
what you say or do:
'You are perfect'.
As of today I hope I leave you with a direction correction
away from the flaws you see in our reflection.
They aren't flaws to me they are simply protection
against all the doubts you have of your perfection.
So start today,
take a good long look in the mirror and say
'I am who I've been looking for'

[payalk]

Be a lover, not a fighter
Treat yourself like someone you love

[amandawalker]

“Treat yourself like someone you loved.” This hit so hard, and there is so much truth and depth in this one small sentence. I love this because we are so quick to judge ourselves and look down upon ourselves. I watched this at work and I started tearing up because this is so deep. So true, so thank you. I am forever watching this on my hard days💛🌻

[jessievecchio]

‘And yes love is the answer, love is the key, but if you can’t love yourself, how could you ever love me.’ One of my fav lines.

[keira]

This poem made me cry, it changed my life... im watching it over and over

[Sebastian-ejmp]

My teacher showed this to my class at the end of the day and I almost cried. This message is super strong and changed the way I viewed the world.

[Zunaira]

Now I am binge watching your channel and WHAT. IS. THIS.

Adam, wow. You are a poet. You are a unicorn. You are... damn, need I go on? You already know it all.

Thank you for this. Have it bookmarked for my melancholy, uninspired days.

much love,
Marina

[sincerelyaseeker]

I found this poem three years ago. It has helped me to get through a lot. I’ve been reading it every time I’m feeling self conscious, depressed, anxious, like I want to end it. But I read it and hear it. And life seems a bit better. Thank you so much for this

[lindascharg]

Monday Feb 12 74 yrs old 40 yrs clean and sober and still need to hear this poem right now and probably daily along with 12 steps, helping,others,prayer,meditation,therapy,healthy food, god, service, fresh air and new people places and things and continual healing from a searingly hopeless disease! Linda S in sf

[Karl_Reyes]

I live with chronic depression and social anxiety - these 2 things have made it difficult for me to make friends & maintain relationships. Last spring I went through a rough breakup that almost broke me. My life was flipped.


Most days are pretty heavy for me. I try to bury myself in work so as not to think about things, but the mind goes where it wants.


9 months after the breakup, and I still haven't figured out how to "get out there" and be social again. It's just not in my nature. However, every single time I'm feeling like I've hit rock-bottom, I watch this video.


A couple of months ago, I put post-its up all over my home with quotes from the poem. They help.


Thanks Adam

[juniorfelix]

Our creator, is the one that we are looking

[TiffanyAndrada]

still changing lives four years later thank you Mr. Roa ❤

[princessaroha]

At 25, I realize that I don't know how to love myself. I am still clueless of how I wanted to be loved. But this shed the light to my path way back to home, leading back to myself. This is the first step where I believe I can find my true self, my worth, and of how can I love myself. I'm leaving my cocoon, stepping out of my comfort zone. 😳👊 Every step little by little will not hurt me. It will be hard but will be bearable. 💪

[KimberFlory]

I don't add a lot of comments to videos. I'm just one to watch and move on. But I wanted to say something. This video triggered a change in my life. People have been telling me my whole life similar things to this - love yourself, believe in yourself, etc. But I've gone through my 50 years pretty much not loving or even liking myself. Your message came at a time and in a way that really made me look at myself. And change. I've realized that I am who I've been looking for my whole life. Thank you <3

[DABA]

i've watched this video 3 times. thank you Adam.

[joemama]

I have seen this vid many times and its still amazinv every time.

[cute.beluga]

Never heard the truth about loving yourself been said so powerfully ... Thank you Adam

[arunaperera]

Don’t even know home many times I watched this ❤️❤️❤️