Nathan Wagner - Psychosis

#nathanwagner #psychosis

Song written by Nathan Wagner
Produced and performed by Nathan Wagner

I really didn’t want to release this song. It’s something I’ve maybe talked about to two or three people. Terrified of the reaction. Terrified of the assumptions that come along with this topic. But it’s something that’s never talked about. Really ever. So here it is. I spent three years studying music every moment of every day. I completely cut myself off from everyone and everything except my studies. I knew that if I gave it everything, my chances of “Making it” were still slim. So I held nothing back. About a year and a half into isolation, I started to really really disconnect. This song explains the state of mind almost perfectly. Just this feeling of “Nothing is real” was overwhelming and would haunt me day and night. Couldn’t find peace of mind. By the grace of God, love and human connection brought me out of it. We’re not meant to be alone. If you’re in that place, reach out. Talk to me. I'll be praying. You're not alone. So sorry about the obscure topic, but if it could help someone feel less alone/more understood, It’s worth it. I love you guys so much. Can’t even begin to explain how fortunate I am. Thank you so much for listening.

Lyrics

Everything is in my brain
All the Thunder all the rain
Mental pictures they became
Everything is in my brain

All the pleasure all the pain
The one I love the one I hate
Mental pictures they became
Everything is in my brain

It’s like nothings real
Chemicals we feel
Nothing tangible
I can’t feel your soul

Is it all a lie
Get so petrified
That it’s all a dream
When I wake I’ll see

I’m falling in my head again
This winding road just never ends

Maybe we’re comatose in purgatory lines
A fleet of lonely ghosts pretending we’re still alive
Maybe the afterlife is where we all reside
Maybe it’s over

Beautiful destruction seeps
When there’s too much time to think
Such abysmal tendencies
When delusion reigns in me

Maybe we’re comatose in purgatory lines
A fleet of lonely ghosts pretending we’re still alive
Maybe the afterlife is where we all reside
Maybe it’s over

#nathanwagner #psychosis

Lyrics

Everything is in my brain
All the Thunder all the rain
Mental pictures they became
Everything is in my brain

All the pleasure all the pain
The one I love the one I hate
Mental pictures they became
Everything is in my brain

It’s like nothings real
Chemicals we feel
Nothing tangible
I can’t feel your soul

Is it all a lie
Get so petrified
That it’s all a dream
When I wake I’ll see

I’m falling in my head again
This winding road just never ends

Maybe we’re comatose in purgatory lines
A fleet of lonely ghosts pretending we’re still alive
Maybe the afterlife is where we all reside
Maybe it’s over

Been lost for so long
Schizoid man off and on
Will I ever belong
Just Me and me

Been lost for so long
Schizoid man off and on
Will I ever belong
Just Me and me

[nathanwagner]

I really didn’t want to release this song. It’s something I’ve maybe talked about to two or three people. Terrified of the reaction. Terrified of the assumptions that come along with this topic. But it’s something that’s never talked about. Really ever. So here it is. I spent three years studying music every moment of every day. I completely cut myself off from everyone and everything except my studies. I knew that if I gave it everything, my chances of “Making it” were still slim. So I held nothing back. About a year and a half into isolation, I started to really really disconnect. This song explains the state of mind almost perfectly. Just this feeling of “Nothing is real” was overwhelming and would haunt me day and night. Couldn’t find peace of mind. By the grace of God, love and human connection brought me out of it. We’re not meant to be alone. If you’re in that place, reach out. Talk to me. I'll be praying. You're not alone. So sorry about the obscure topic, but if it could help someone feel less alone/more understood, It’s worth it. I love you guys so much. Can’t even begin to explain how fortunate I am. Thank you so much for listening.

[FrenchfriesDiabetes]

As a diagnosed schizophrenic it means a lot to hear songs that relate to exactly how I freakin feel. Well done man. Damn whenever i need a song like this, 9 times out of 10 it's you. Love your song. And I love the song don't forget me.

[Anx]

The fact that you are so brave, and release those songs with deep lyrics that show so much, is more inspirational to me than I can say in words. Love you and keep going❤

[lee-annemcaleese]

I don't know what it is, but when I listen to this song I get like a rush of adrenaline, my heart literally starts racing, I am so glad your music has been your release. Thank you for the raw vulnerability you are always able to put into your music.

[Gavri.C.]

I have schizophrenia. I often especially lately have been having days at a time where I feel like im a ghost simply wandering through a afterlife made of memories. Or somehow worse that I'm dreaming and that I'm going to wake up to a world I don't know. It can be a scary experience to be honest. It's unlike anything I've experienced.

This song is beautiful, thank you for writing and singing it. Never be afraid to share your emotions.

[myiathealbino]

saw this on my recommended feed this morning and decided to give it a click.
best decision I've ever made.

this song is a beautiful work of art. the words are so powerful and meaningful. I wish more songs were like this.
I'm currently writing a story where the main character struggles with hallucinations and this is hugely inspirational.
topics like this need to be talked about, but are rarely handled correctly. thank you so much for being brave enough to release this masterpiece.
this is the kind of song I would *love* to animate a music video to after my course is over.

you have my admiration for working up the courage to release such a brilliant piece of music.

[batsylamancha]

This song is so beyond cool. And really relatable tbh, especially when you get trapped in your mind and you just can't get out no matter how much you try. We love you too Nathan, and appreciate everything you do. Even if you didn't want to release this song because of the meaning of it. And I know it's just random people behind a screen and it might not seem like it could be real or heartfelt, but you're not alone ❤️ there's so many of us on the same boat and it's wonderful to help each other. Some that listen to this song could get a feeling that they're not alone either

[abyssoftus]

This level of brutal personal intimate truth is exactly what WE, as individuals and as a society, need to heal. WE need to get past toxic beliefs that hold us back from being who WE really are and more importantly who WE are meant to become. WE need to learn it is ok to be vulnerable and it's ok to have times when WE are weak, conversely, WE need to support others when they are vulnerable or weak instead of tearing them down. Imagine a world where WE all sought to help each other become the best possible WE that WE can be. Try each day to say something kind, uplifting, or encouraging to another person. Face any harm that you have caused regardless of intent and seek to make it right. Connectedness with your fellow humankind is an amazing tool against so many of the ills our society is facing. Let us seek unity and move away from the divide.

[merumitsu]

You're one of the few people to create such beautiful songs that reflect allot about the singer. It's so poetic and great! (Cool thumbnail too btw)

[saberstorm]

i come back to this song every so often. like when im struggling and need to remind myself that im not alone in this sickness. thank you for making these wonderful songs Nathan. keep doing what you do. God bless.

[morangofofa]

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Matthew 11: 28-30

[BreckKitts]

I have Bi-polar Mania and this song speaks to me perfectly. I too am a musician of 59 year's and this is some of the most powerful moving song's ever. God Bless You

[Seven_Miseries]

What I like is that in many of your songs I recognize myself. As a child, I grew up alone, without friends because everyone thought I was strange, so I started having imaginary friends, which grew over time. Still today I am alone, daydreams, imaginary friends, voices, I fight them for the peace and revenge of these wicked children. Courage to you Nathan, Courage to all those in the same case. If anyone needs to talk, i'm here :)

[reaper]

Sir, you have my respect. As someone who has dealt with issues since a very young age I know how hard it can be to recognize and come forth with mental struggles. This message isn't about me though it's about how amazing your songs are and how you are able to touch the lives of so many people. I don't know your struggles but I'm a open ear for anyone in need. Keep up the excellent work sir.

[ANCHOR]

this song touch people soul. mental health/ the feelin of being lost delusional lonely the feeling that nothing is real that is all in your hea. people don't talk about it. Music is a universal language that connect people even when we want to isolate ourself just because reality is too tough. Overthinking overanalyzing feel too deep or not feeling at all. Fuck this song is amazing. i can tell everything is from experience and not just because. i feel every word evenif i had a diffferent experience of escaping reality and auto-isolation. love y'all

[coffeecat]

Thank you for uploading this song. As a sufferer of some mental health stuff, I find your music calming so thank you again.

[nicolasstaquet]

everything is beautiful: your voice, your music, your texts....
youtube offered me your songs, when I was going through a difficult time in my life, and thanks to you, I faced it and I fought.
a huge thank you to you and your work and above all do not change anything ❤‍🔥❤‍🔥❤‍🔥

[mivabricks]

This song is a little terrifying, but also extremely beautiful in a haunting way. Thank you so much for releasing this <3

[saberstorm]

but really this song literally encapsulates how i feel during a bad mental health day. once again thank you so much good sir.

[Glorfindel_]

All these quarantines have shown people what my daily life is like. Except instead of "I cant go out" for them, it's "I dont want to go out" for me. I'm highly introverted, so seeing people at work every day is generally enough for me. Now and then I want to do something but not often, I do stuff with people online pretty often too. There's a difference between being alone and being able to entertain yourself on your own.